I have come on to hear to get some advice and see if I am being unreasonable or not! My partner has a 4 yr old and has been separated from his wife for 2 years. I first met his daughter a year ago and we get on very well and I know she loves me. He has her 2 nights/3 days per week generally - at first he was living in a small one bed flat and having her there to stay and I would stay over some of that time too. However, 6 months ago, he moved into my one bed flat as we are saving to get a bigger house together and things would have been progressing more quickly if it hadn't been for coronavirus! As it stands, when his daughter stays, it is on a bed in our bedroom, next to his side of the bed - it isn't possible to have her anywhere else. It isn't ideal, but i could live with it, but as this temporary solution is now becoming longer, I am struggling. The issue is sleep. Several months ago, there wasn't so much of an issue and it didn't happen so frequently, but it has now become that every night she is with us, his daughter wakes in the night wanting attention - she can't find her teddy, she is too hot, she wants to hold her dad's hand. This can happen 2 or 3 times per night, but it is guaranteed to happen. I am a light sleeper anyway, but with constant disturbances, I end up losing most of my sleep. These also tend to be weeknights so I have to get up and function at work the next day (my partner is always off as he works shifts). Is this normal for a 4 yr old wake every night? I don't recall myself or my brother doing this at all! And friends who do have children don't seem to think it is that normal. My partner used to then let her come in our bed, which would end up with me getting out and going on the sofa as there wasn't enough room and his daughter kicks and thrashes a lot! He hadn't discussed this with me beforehand, so it made me quite upset and angry, and so he agreed to not let her come in bed any more and she got weaned off this a few weeks ago. Now he has to hug her or get in her bed until she is asleep again. However, the waking continues. I'd been doing some reading and wondered if it was anything to do with bedtime attachment anxiety. My partner always stays with his daughter until she is fast asleep at bedtimed - she refuses to go to sleep otherwise, and if she isn't quite asleep and he leaves, she will scream and cry until he goes back. So I don't know if she isn't capable of getting herself back to sleep on her own. He does baby her quite a bit and she is quite needy day to day, so this might all link.

I am writing this at 5am having been woken up at 2am so not in the best state of mind, but could anyone advise? Is this normal? Is there a good way to help control this? I also don't really know how to bring it up with my partner. He gets quite defensive over anything to do with his daughter, and he sleeps like a log so he isn't that bothered. Plus it is his own daughter and I think he forgets she isn't mine so I don't feel quite the same. He also thinks it is great she only woke a couple of times each night, and when I say how tired I am, it doesn't really sink in. I really want to make this work, but I am getting to where I don't know what to do.