No hope for SD
Her response when she found out daddy isn’t going to contribute to the party that he was explicitly barred from attending? “But if you don’t help out mum will have to pay for it”
SMH. Exactly. Mum will have to pay for it. Why would we want to help her mum pay for less?! For this party. For a anything else going on in her life.BM has done so much damage by putting SD on an altar. Last round of messages said things like
“I don’t expect SD to contribute a cent towards her party”
“What’s important is that our daughter deserves a special 21st”
“I feel so sad for SD that her father doesn’t care”
“SD knows that she can depend on her mummy so there’s no reason why she would need to contact you”
What do you think would happen when you raise someone to think that they deserve a free party. And a free car. And free tuition. And free board. And free holidays. What is going through their minds to make them think this sort of thought process is ok?!
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The end of the YEAR????
But that is 9 months away! Plenty of time for BM and SD to work and save towards this ridiculous party if they want one. To be honest, nobody in the UK has big 21st birthday bashes any longer - it is just not a thing - at 18 maybe, but not 21. If you ask me, I suspect that the whole idea was cooked up by SD and BM as a way of squeezing DH for money and kicking him in the teeth (with the non-invitation) at the same time. DH just needs to be strong and ignore all the insults about "not caring" - this is just being done to try and turn the screw and get him to change his mind. HOLD FIRM DH!!
It's an excuse to get
It's an excuse to get absolutely wasted in Australia. At least it was when I was 21. There may or may not be a party involved but usually acknowledged with a night on the town and crawling home in the morning.
But the idea that BM and SD cooked up the latest round of messages to screw DH over is insane and yet expected. After all, this is nothing compared to the time where BM tried to invoice DH for a Father's day lunch while he was in hospital with a life threatening condition (and SD never showed up). As in "haha your daughter had lunch elsewhere with the latest guy I could find to be her father figure while you sat alone in hospital".
I used to give SD a free pass for her mum's insanity but now I'm done. 21 is plenty old enough unless you're mentally retarded to know this is wrong. Finally breaking through to DH that Princess has been groomed into BM junior. If she's quiet while BM pulls these stunts in her name, she's guilty by association.
Tried to invoice him for a
Tried to invoice him for a Father's Day lunch that she had with some other guy?
That's a new one.
Yep. While her father was in
Yep. While her father was in hospital. You can't even make this shit up. I don't know for sure where SD was on that day but it certainly wasn't with her dad.
I love how these HCGUBMs
think that THEIR child(ren)'s relationship with their father should always be a one-way street. And that they themselves exclusively OWN their children into adulthood yet remain peers at the same time.
I love the irony of the term
I love the irony of the term GUBM. I don't mean to put down any women that needed caesareans or anything but in the case of this BM if there wasn't any medical intervention and SD wasn't cut out of her, they would've died in childbirth. Wouldn't rate that faulty uterus too highly if you ask me.
“But if you don’t help out
“But if you don’t help out mum will have to pay for it”
And?
Exactly. My DH would have
Exactly. My DH would have stopped responding to that nonsense from either of them long ago. He would have said to SS, "Isn't that appropriate, since I'm not even invited"?
OP, your DH really has to stop being so afraid of BM and of being cut off from SD. He really has zero relationship with SD as it is, it's entirely orchestrated by BM. If he can find the strength to refuse to be mistreated by either of them, he can change the dynamic here, which could possibly lead to enlightment for SD. But it will mean risking a total cut-off from this illusion of a relationship he has with her..
Those reasons are part of the
Those reasons are part of the script for manipulating, guilt inducing behaviors that make the recipients of message pony up money. Actually it's a cry and whine from an abandoned BM. Please don't come back here in a few months complaining your man caved and gave money for this folly. A lot can happen until this party happens. At 21, BM should not be a part of any relationship with skids. Her job is done and she needs to be out in notice she's been fired from that.
We have a policy in place. DH
We have a policy in place. DH can send whatever lovey dovey message he wants to SD. They get ignored anyway so no harm done. And it's not a bad thing for her to know that her dad hasn't completely forgotten about her. Any messages from BM will be handled by us as a couple.
There are consequences in place. Took me a long time to realise DH operates on fear. All I have to do is give him a bigger reason to fear my consequences compared to BM's. And BM put herself at a bit of a disadvantage in this. Can't threaten someone with something you already carried out. She's already poisoned SD against him.
I just don't get the premise
I just don't get the premise of an adult still wanting parents to throw a party. I mean, she's an adult. No.
But then again, skid.
This whole situation annoys
This whole situation annoys me.
If DH didn't want any drama, he would block BM, or at the very least, not respond to her. DH saying that SD will block him if he blocks BM, then so be it. Peace accomplished. I'm sure when she wants something, she'll unblock him and text him again with a request that he really should ignore. All games!
This.
This.
DH can send SD cards for her birthdays and xmas. No cash.
Once he stops chasing her, the game won't be fun anymore. Then maybe she'll think about what she lost.