A bit of an update. So we’ll start with the silver lining. DH is in therapy (which is a huge thing for him to go as he’s finally accepted he has a problem). I think he’s landed a good therapist. The first few sessions she just let DH talk so she could get an idea on the history. Recent session she asked him to think about what he says and what he expects people to hear with those words vs. what they actually hear. Which hits the nail straight on the point that DH hates conflict so he’ll say what he thinks will make you less upset with him right then and there - but you’ll get more upset with him later. It could come out as “misunderstandings” where he hasn’t said anything against which gives me the impression he agrees. And he keeps quiet and lets me think he’s on the same track as me then quietly does his own thing. And if I catch him he’ll say “but I never said....”

I think this is a behaviour that he’s learnt from longterm exposure to BM. She’s 1000x worse and aggressive about it but as an example BM says “abc”. You don’t like hearing “abc” and tell her that. She’s sorry if hearing that upsets you (which is a non-apology) because when she said “abc” you took it the wrong way and she was only meant to say “xyz”. Well - why not straight up start with “xyz”?! She does it to get a rise out of you, he does it because he doesn’t want his head bitten off.

Which brings us back to the previous fiasco of relapsing and chasing after SD.  After the birthday present dropoff I told DH to leave it alone. How about from now until the end of sept just don’t send her anything. He says ok because he sees I’m getting upset watching this trainwreck. Then I find two messages of the usual “thinking of you, hope you’re well, hope to catch up soon” ugh... and here’s my gripe: if you say you’ll do something, do it. Or don’t agree in the first place. DH says he’s spoken to his therapist and she doesn’t see anything wrong with him contacting his daughter, it was only two messages and he wasn’t planning to send any more. He never promised....Completely sidestepping the issue as what his therapist thinks is acceptable has got nothing to do with the fact that HE agreed not to contact SD. Two times is two times more than zero. Agreeing is as good as a promise isn’t it? or do we have to do some pinkie promise spit in our palms and shake ritual every time we want it to stick?!

So we’re going through the familiar ritual of DH to the doghouse, he’s sorry, he’s trying, etc. And here I am back of ST blogging to vent....