DH the goldfish
So here’s the thing. DH and I both have assets. And a 3yo. Most of those assets are held outside our super so it’ll be counted as part of our estate when we pass. My assets will be held in trust for our DD bypassing DH so it doesn’t become a part of his asset pool and accessible to SD. His estate however will be divided between me, SD and DD. According to the lawyer there’s no way around it since SD and toxic BM would have a high chance of successfully challenging the will if nothing is left for SD. Better leave her a token amount and call it a day. So the sneaky way around it is we start slowly (because of tax implications) converting assets from his into joint names or my name. If we buy an investment property DH will contribute a larger portion of money held in his name to contribute.
And cue back to the other day when we were driving along, talking about financial goals for 2021, just recapping where we’re at, how much we each roughly hold in asset value, etc... DH’s response to the fact that I currently have more than him was “but I contributed a larger portion to our townhouse” as if he couldn’t remember why it wasn’t split evenly. I had to remind him we did that so that SD21 wouldn’t inherit a slice of a bigger pie if he dies so I could have a decent amount left over to give our DD a decent upbringing. And I could see his face drop....
Any suggestions on tactful replies or prods in the future? I feel like I always need to be on guard. If I just rolled with it half the time our accountant forgets and he makes recommendations for an even contribution as if we were a first family. I care less about tax implications than future estate implications. For example it may work out better for tax this year if I contribute more to our mortgage. But that’s held in joint names so DH would own that asset if something were to happen to me. And it would leave less in the asset pool that goes directly to my DD. Why would I feel comfortable with giving SD a chance at inheriting more and my DD inheriting less? And how do I get that into his thick head without sending him into a depressive sulk that his eldest ADULT DD who left him to rot shouldn’t be held in the same regard as our toddler DD?!
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Because DH and BM are
Because DH and BM are responsible for SD's inheritance. Not you.
You and DH are responsible for DD's inheritance.
Exactly my point! BM already
Exactly my point! BM already cleaned DH out once, SD's upbringing was well paid for, BM's extended family are childless and wealthy. SD will be loaded enough in the future. They want absolutely nothing to do with DH (apart from his money). Stuff them I say! Gotta look after ourselves first.
I know you said you talked to
I know you said you talked to a lawyer, but all lawyers are not created equal. If it was not, you really need to talk to a lawyer that specializes in estates.
I have spoken to a few
I have spoken to a few friends in the law profession and the general advice is the same. Since SD and DD are in the same class of beneficiaries (offspring) if one has been excluded or given less than the other, there's a pretty good chance of them successfully challenging the will. Ages of the daughters and the fact that one of them has estranged herself won't matter so much. Anyone can lie on an affidavit if they're determined enough and we'll just get bogged down in court fees fighting her lies vs a dead man's words. DH has left 60% to me, 20% to each of his daughters. Since SD has been left with the same amount as DD, if she ever thinks of challenging the will her lawyer will advise that it's unlikely to succeed. So my goal from now is to make DH's estate as small as possible and transfer as much into my name as possible so that 20% of DH will be as small as possible. And it all adds up because if I paid for the house out of my portfolio we're talking about $400k. 20% of that would work out to $80k. Why on earth should I give SD a chance at an extra $80k if I happen to die first. So I think right now it's less focus on lawyers and more focus on financial advisors savvy with squirelling away assets so that it doesn't even register as part of the estate. Nothing lawyers can do about it if it's in a trust. I'm just annoyed that DH forgets we have to do all of this. We wouldn't have to if we were the holy first family.
And then there's also the principle of the matter. If anything were to happen to DD3 I would rather my nieces and nephews from both my side and DH's side to benefit. Or the first random homeless person to stroll along over SD!
We have no children together,
We have no children together, have a prenuptial, have kept all our premarital assets separate, and have little joint finances, so our wills are much simpler. I have adult children. DH has two adult children. DH (and I) have cut one of his children out of our wills.
We do not have reciprocal wills, and we used separate lawyers (the lawyers who did our prenuptial) for our wills. In our state, both said we could leave nothing to that child as long as it was noted in the will that the omission was not an oversight. There is also a provision in the will that penalizes the one who challenges it. Both lawyers separately suggested that provision. I'm not sure it would hold up, but our joint assets are so small that it would be hard to find a lawyer who would take the case.
That makes sense. SD would
That makes sense. SD would have as much a chance challenging my will since we're not biologically related and I've had no part in her childhood. But DH's estate is where the potential for mess is. I mean who knows, she may stay in her lane and I'll never hear from her after DH passes. But who wants to leave that gap wide open for her to sail her ship through.
You should really talk to an estate attorney
You should really talk to an estate attorney who has experience in cases like yours. My understanding is it is not that easy to challenge a will if it is written correctly. Our lawyer put a clause in DH's will that said if one of the kids challenges it, they forfeit anything that was left to them. Your DH could also structure things in trusts that could be left to you or your DD and could not be challenged.
We don't have children yet
We don't have children yet that's always been understood. Our child would inherit 75 percent? Why? Because it would be my half then their fathers 25 percent. Now if we have more children that of course changes.
What blows my mind is that adult children automatically expecting something in the case of a parent passing. Sadly not all adult children are created equal. I have uncles who haven't seen my grandmother in years!!! But they still feel they should not only get equal of what she leaves but MORE because they could use it more! We've told her don't worry about anyone else you spend it all of you want or burn it at the end of day lol
My mother being the one who is closest to my grandmother wants nothing left to her because of the drama to come.
That 75/25 split is very
That 75/25 split is very sensible if you and DH are close in age. And blended kids are similar ages too. But SD and DD are 18 years apart in age. If DH were to die tomorrow, there's no way 75% would be enough to cover DD's schooling and maintenance to age 18. Whereas adult SD who has already had that paid for gets a nice lump sum in her adult life. I've explained it to DH, he understands, he agrees, then he forgets about it all and tries to treat SD "equally". Smh...
Yes, I do agree with the age
Yes, I do agree with the age difference it has to be different. Yeah