Disengage step daughter

So tnite I received a text from SD 29 ( see previous posts ) apologizing because DH told her to, she claims all her toxic vile nasty behaviour was due to her upbringing ( mine was way worse & I never behaved that way ) & that she's bipolar and suffer post traumatic stress hense why she states she was so brutal. She's suggested a meeting in a neutral place where we could talk & not point fingers as " where both as bad as each other " absolute bull shit I only reacted twice after 15 years of abuse once after she texted saying she used my tooth brush to clean toilet years before & when I was sent pics of aborted baby's when I miscarriaged. I went no contact 4 years ago and in that time she still sent DH texts saying she hates me & I'll never be part of het family last one was 4 weeks ago. I 100% don't want her in my life I don't believe her or will never trust her, I'm happy to give her what she wants me out the picture. I feel she's only doing this as she knows DH isn't capable of giving her f##k all if I'm not in the picture especially with her F/child. So my question is what do I do now I havnt responded & I don't want to but I don't want to look like the bad guy to DH I did tell him she is no good for my mental health & I won't put myself in a position for her to ever hurt me again. Please help

Disengage stepdaughter # toxic behaviour #

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If she's Bipolar then you can

If she's Bipolar then you can and should set proper boundaries with her. She much be compliant with her meds and therapy, she must be getting regular sleep and working towards stabilty and when she has achieved that, then and only then will you entertain any conversations with her.

Do your self a favor and research Bipolar. These people need to be held accountable for managing their illness, not be allowed to use it as an excuse for bad behavior.

Totally agree with the above

Totally agree with the above - I myself suffer with poor mental health, but have never, and would never, use it as an excuse for bad behaviour. And she has cleaned the bog with your toothbrush and sent you pics of foetuses? And YOU'RE worried about looking like the bad guy here? I don't think so.

Oh she's pregnant? Then the

Oh she's pregnant? Then the only appropriate response is a picture of an dead fetus. Then a "sorry not sorry."

Not pregant

She can't have kids she has a foster child her x husband's niece from 3 years now nearly 9 we've only seen het a handful of times between 3 - 4 years then no contact til now

Ignore. You've already told

Ignore. You've already told your DH what's what. No need to meet with her, anywhere.

Besides, she didn't apologize, she gave some excuses.

After what she has done to you, not responding to her certainly does not make you the bad guy.

I think that you should not

I think that you should not have anything to do with her going forward if that's what you want - since an apology that says, basically, "I'm sorry but I have no control over myself" is not an apology.

But the larger question for me is - why is your DH encouraging her to apologize to you, as if that would make any kind of difference? Why isn't he telling her that she has burned her bridges with you so badly that it's unlikely you will EVER accept any apology from her? What does he gain from you two having a relationship?

Thinking of hinself

With me having a relationship with her makes it easier for him to have a relationship he's never really had a loving relationship with her he can't really tolerat her and he dosnt know how to have relationship with f/child not my problem

Yeah, that is definitely NOT

Yeah, that is definitely NOT your problem.

Nem~ you created boundaries

Nem~ you created boundaries of being disengaged and having no contact with her. You want no part of her and that is very much ok and in fact I'd encourage it. She did a number on you and your well being and mental health come 1st. Your H can maintain a relationship with her, you do not have to or are obligated to.

You don't want her in your life in any capacity and your H needs to understand that. There is not trying to convince you otherwise and you have been clear. Keep taking care of you OP and know that you got this!

I would ignore, and tell your

I would ignore, and tell your DH to respect your boundaries, as her past behavior was so bad, and so detrimental to your mental health and well-being, that you cannot give her another chance. Also let him know that apologies he orders, as opposed to spontaneous and heartfelt apoligies that don't need to be requested and aren't full of excuses, do not move you one bit. He needs to protect you from his toxic daughter, not push you to have a relationship with her.

She truly sounds like a

She truly sounds like a monster. I think you are completely justified in either no reply or declining her invitation. The things you shared that she did are unforgiveable in my book. At this point she is 29 years old and while a relationship in theory with adult skids could be nice it's also not necessary. At least my thoughts!

Noooo!

I was truly hoping, for you sake, that your SD would not go through with the fake apology, and you would be off the hook. I mentioned in one of your earlier posts that I am in a very similar situation where my SD is pushing to reunite with my DH and he told her she has to apologise to me. I don't want her to, it would be disingenuous and full of excuses and blame, just as your SD's "apology" was.

You're not the bad guy, although I understand why you feel that way. I feel that I would be put in that position too. All the fairydust sprinkled of "SD is sorry and has reached out, why are you being so unforgiving" etc.

It's a farce. Your SD would not have apologised if she was not made to. Her apology was crap. An apology only means something if the person takes responsibility for their actions, of their own accord, and makes no excuse fo their bad behaviour. Sending you photos of aborted babies and using your toothbrush to clean the toilet, not to mention her disgusting statements are not things that can easily be forgotten, nor should they.

Your SD is using her mental health as an excuse to get her toxic ass back into your life. What about your mental health? That will surely suffer should she come back to cause trouble again. Your mental health is just as important as hers, don't let anyone take advantage of yours just to ease hers.

I would just continue to ignore and move on with your life. Your DH can handle his daughter without your holding his hand.

Same boat

Yes I appreciated your previous post so much someone who sadly totally understands. Well I havnt responded I really wanted to, only to rip in to her about how much she's hurt me & ruined my husband's family & made sure I wasn't accepted into it but I'm not going to waste my energy the damage is done. I can't stand the person she is & she brings nothing good to my life only misery. I explained to DH if I have to respect him seeing her then he needs to respect my decision to stay out of her life & family which is what she always wanted I will do what's best for my mental health. DH says he understand he dosnt trust her right now either & dosnt plan on being full on she's not on the top of his list we'll see how long she can play nice for when she's not calling the shots and she dosnt get from DH what she's expecting.