So my last post was about skids and DH being gone out of state for work.

(skip to BUT I MUST TRY...if you dont want any back story)

He came back for a month. things were back to normal, i reigned my kids, he reigned his. just like it had always been. before he left again though we talked and we talked with SS14. 

DH and i talked about disrespect and SS14 behavior and i voiced areas where i struggled when he was gone. He said part of SS14 problem is that my kids, DD16 and DS12, AND i talk down to SS14 and we treat him like hes stupid. such as if he asks what something is or what it means SS12 might reply with a "i cant believe you dont know what that is!". my typical reply is look it up/research it because i feel a child learns more by DOING than by being told. after all no one is going to TELL him the asnwer on the test hes going to have to KNOW.

So i had a talk with my kids and told them to be less condescending because appartently thats the cause for SS14 behavior. I can honestly say it might be 50% of the issue but when i say something as simple as " BOYS ITS BED TIME IN 30MINS" DS12 says OK, SS14 replies with " bedtime is for losers, its so stupid to have a bedtime. isn't it YOOOUURR bedtime Downsouth?" So i say the same thing addressing BOTH boys and i get a snotty reply only from SS14.

So DH has been gone now for 3 weeks on his new stint. this weekend was trying on my patience and all 3 younger kids got assigned an extra chore (cuz i had a work thing Thursday night and i get home 10 min after bedtime and kids were acting up no rules followed)and it was DH idea. so SS14 declared he wasn't doing it and only white people did stupid things like this. i have no idea what in the heck that is about even...we are white. its been his newest kick when ever hes told to do or not to do something. I even told SS14 the chore was his dads idea. he refused to believe that. so DH kept up with me over the weekend asking what or how kids and SS14 were managing. so i would reply. we talk nightly as well and i simply relay the day and such. well DH was fed up and grounded SS14 from gaming. 

DH texts me today telling me that SS14 is done with me because i only want to get him in trouble. I explained to DH how BOTH boys were given a deadline yesterday and how i threatened my son with punishment so the task was completed. SS14 was not threatened therefore did not complete task. i told DH that it seems SS14 only wants to be involved or deal with me when it benefits him and if it hinders him he wants no part. i told DH i feel as though SS14 is annoyed with me because i parent. i follow up, i keep up, i monitor him. i dont allow him to just BE. we ALL already know that even though there are rules, they dont follow them if they aren't kept up with. 

Im leaving for 5 days to visit family. SD19 is suppose to care for SS14 and herself. shes already angry its interupting her disappearing acts and fun time. I will be throughly cleaning the house before i leave and make sure DH knows. i keep thinking CRAP i hope everything will be ok...thats my mom brain kicking in. overly worried. BUT then i JUST REMEMBERED today....when i was 19 i was caring for DD16, she was already ONE years old. shoot if i can care for a baby at 18 i think SD19 and SS14 will be fine. 

So SS14 doesnt want me to talk to him or anything.( i left baggies of xmas cookies for each kid today and i asked him how his were and all i got was a glare) i have no idea how hes getting to practice tomorrow or picked up then. Guess SD19 will do it. she will be thrilled. DH already told me "one less thing for you to worry about" in regards to anything SS14 related. i feel its easier said than done. i mean kids have to eat and general welfare stuff. 

SS19 i REALLY need to to try to. shes made the statement this weekend "my dad knows im in a good place right now, so im not worried" i want to say "um what was said or done for you to think that because what he says to your face is - you are going no where, your grades suck, you are never going to graduate college, this job isnt going to last you arent able to meet the goals, you are filthy, gross, nasty--" what part of that leads you(her) to believe he thinks you are in a good place?  i been telling her for 2 years she cant wear super plus feminie products for 10hrs stright on a light day- HELLOOOOO dangerous!!! 2 years later no improvement. brick wall.

BUT I MUST TRY TO DISENGAGE. 

i need a mantra...some go to replies... when i get dumb texts about "what should i do" or "can i do"...reminder DH isnt here.

what do i do or say when im going out to dinner or to the movies or somewhere fun BUT SS14 isnt speaking to me now...i mean i know its something HE decided not DH or I so i dont feel like DH will get pissy if i left him at home. he would be more apt to be like "well its his fault"

ideas??