Power of Attorney? Temporary guardianship?
For what it's worth, DH actually asked me to ask you guys this. I don't know if it can be done, but I also don't have the extensive legal knowledge many of you have.
DH and BM have 50/50 custody right now. BM has a serious mental illness that tends to be "triggered" in the fall. Three out of the last five years she has been 5150'd and ended up in inpatient care for 2-6 months. She has psychosis, so she sees things, hears voices and behaves very erratically and dangerously as well.
As such, she loses custody of the skids and they come to live full time with DH and me... until BM gets her meds straight and she petitions the court for custody again. They everything goes back to 50/50. (We're in CA. Silly things like severe mental illness with psychosis and delusion aren't going to keep a mother from her kids!)
In any case... this year DH will be traveling a lot for work during the her "crazy season" this fall. He's tried to set his schedule so that he is not gone during his visitation time, so for the most part, when he's not here, his kids aren't here. However, he is worried that if BM is hospitalized while he is gone, I will not be able to "take" the kids into my care for even a brief period of time before he's able to catch a flight back home. Neither DH nor BM have any family nearby.
Does anyone know:
If BM is hospitalized, where will the kids go? Can he give me a POA to act on his behalf in his absence if BM is unstable to the point that she has to be hospitalized? Is there any other method to transfer some power to take the kids? (Again, only if BM is hospitalized; I'm not trying to take away her "motherhood".) Would CPS let the kids come stay with me without a POA if BM goes crazy and DH can't get home until the next day? Are there any other legal options that allow me temporary guardianship of the kids when both parents are unavailable, but that can be set up prior to BM's (potential) hospitalization and DH's travel?
I'm not sure it can be done, but I thought I'd ask.
Thank you all!
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You should go to a family law
You should go to a family law specialist and I believe you would be able to get something to document your ability to care for the kids if your DH was out of town... get them medical care etc...
Now, do you think that BM would consent to your being a backup or is she delusional about her constant relapses?
I don't think her lack of willingness to consent would prevent you from being able to step in as your DH's proxy.. but it could make it a little easier.
Isnt it a hell of a thing
Isnt it a hell of a thing that on average nothing can be done until something happens? Let that sit for a little.
It is more LIKELY than not, you will be told there is nothing anyone can do until BM ends up in 5150.
What does dh's attorney say?
Judges "dont do" what if's unless the situation is right there active in front of them. Thats not a bad thing...none of us want being taken into court on What if's,,What if ,bm drives drunk again, What if Bm is arrested again, what IF dad drives drunk again? What IF Bm is kicked out of her rental, what IF dh looses his job.
If your dh is going to continue to be traveling during the likely time BM is in crisis, then maybe he should ammend his schedule OR the two of you figure out the quickest way to manage his return with next of kin on standby to arrive within 2 to 3 hours post 5150.
This is awful for everyone so sorry to read about this. Check with your lawyer....:(
I agree that you need to
I agree that you need to check with a lawyer, because even state to state this can vary. I would say that at a minimum you need a General POA but also a medical specific POA. Sometimes, some health care providers get really funny if medical isn't written out specifically. I don't think you can get guardianship unless BM agrees and if she is in the pysch ward - she isn't of sound mind and it wouldn't work.
This may be brutal, but would
This may be brutal, but would you and your SO have a better shot at getting custody if CPS actually did have to keep the kids for a few days? Then your DH could argue before the court that this keeps happening, it's not in the best interest of the kids, look what happened this last time, lack of stability, etc.
I have thought about
I have thought about approaching DH about this but I know he would never go for it.
DH and I have very different views on "the benefits of allowing for natural consequences" for other people's actions. That's mostly how I ended up on this site. LOL. And to be fair, I can understand why DH wouldn't want to do this, but I can also tell you the exact same thought has crossed my mind.
Anyway, if you read my update below, I think it's going to be a moot point this year, as BM is having some issues now and I will be very surprised if she makes it another 30 days wthout being hospitalized, which should give us plenty of time to get the POA in order and possibly emergency full custody, even though it's usually temporary.
Totally agree exjulie,
Totally agree exjulie,
Thank you all for this advice
Thank you all for this advice! I don't think I realized I could have a POA given my skids have both aprents active in their lives.
Turns out, my DH's spidey-sense was on point this monring because BM has started her breakdown today. He recieved two calls from old acquaintances who still live in BM's small town, who saw her at the store today, yelling at some customers and hugging others, telling them it would be okay.
She has SD7 with her because... well, because BM does not believe kids should go to school if they don't want to? Security was called, DH went to get SD7, BM pulled herself together enough that the police weren't called (again, small town!) but it's just a matter of days, if not hours now. She usually can't pull herself back once it's gotten to this point. He will be calling his lawyer to filed for emergency full custody today and after I read your replies, plans to do the POA (or whatever our state's option is) through the lawyer as well.
Is she bi-polar? She sounds
Is she bi-polar? She sounds manic.
I honestly feel a little sorry for her. People who have severe bi-polar often think they can go off med (that invincible feeling that they get) and then comes the crash. My SS18 is Bi-polar and has seen his mom (who has it REALLY BAD) go off her meds so many times. He knows that even though he doesn't always like how he feels off of them, he never wants to be like her.
BM's parents, sibilings, etc can also assume legal guardianship for her. This often happens when you have someone who won't stay medicated like they are supposed to. It keeps someone who is reasonable in charge and can monitor medications and not let it get to this point all the time. The might not be able to stop everything, but the episode at the store could be enough for her to be taken in, blood work done and meds set right so that she doesn't go down a spiral again.