Ex Wife Still Close To Her Former Inlaws
I am curious to know how many of you whose husband's exwife is still very close to your inlaws? To my inlaws the exwife is still family and always will be. Their choice and I don't have a say so in that. I was told from the start that they have a history with her. I get that. Thank God in 13 years she's only been at two "family" events, a college graduation party for the oldest nephew, and a college graduation party for the middle nephew. I am so thankful she lives downstate three hours away. My SIL has 4 kids. I've been to each high school and college graduation plus birthday dinners and holiday dinners. I'm sure if she lived in town she'd be invited to everything. I just couldn't bear it. With her overly familiar behavior with my husband, I would definitely choose not to attend. I am not looking forward to any family funerals nor weddings because she will be front and center. She has her claws in my husband's family.
It is difficult enough that she's friends with each and every one if them on Facebook. Anytime its someone's birthday she treats it like a competition on who says it first and she gushes my precious nephew so and so aunt (insert her name) adores you and wishes you the best birthday. Why does she always insert her name? They know who she is as her nake is beside each post. It's so all of Facebook will know she's the best, most loving aunt and she was first in their lives which puts her way above me on the totem pole. I am not playing her game. No one else in the family gushes and goes over the top like she does. It's ridiculous. I am friends with some of my former inlaws on Facebook. They mostly respond to pics of my kids because they live on the other side of the country and haven't seen them since they were very little. They are kind enough to wish my hubby and I happy anniversary and my kids and I happy birthday. They keep it NORMAL.
Mine is. My husband and I
Mine is. My husband and I have haven’t talked to his mother and grandmother in two years, so it affects us less than it did. But yes, my mother in law has always been close, even still exchanging gifts. Hell if I would be close to the woman that neglects my grandkids and slept with my son’s friend in his bed.
I Don't Get It
That is so weird. People choosing a former spouse over their own son and his wife. So crazy!
My mom does this thing where
My mom does this thing where she likes to buddy up to my exes(to my ex boyfriend who treated me horribly when I was a teenager and then to my ex when I divorced him) She also does this to my daughter!!! Everytime my daughter(23) breaks up with a guy my mother will comment on their Facebook statuses all sweet and sympathetic and it has caused my daughter to drop a relationship with her, which I get blamed for :/
I had actually not planned to drop my ex-inlaws when I divorced their son but some events happened and I immediately cut them out of my life. Until then we were very close, they were the only family I had that wasn't toxic.
The facebook thing used to bug me
I even posted on here about it: https://www.steptalk.org/blog/ishouldrun/opinions-exs-and-facebook-pleas.... I took the advice on here and just got over it. People can be friends with whoever they want on fakebook, just like I can be friends with whoever I want. I've just disengaged on facebook as well. You can't change who people are or what they do, what you can change is your reaction to them. Stand up for yourself in a polite, adult manner and say "sorry I didn't marry DH to join the circus" and be done with it. I realized a few years ago, I am not going to have a close family relationship with DH's family, its just not going to happen for a number of reasons, so I'll be polite when I'm around like I am polite to any other acquaintance but I don't see a family relationship developing. Once I accepted this a lot of stress disappeared.
Therapy
My therapist keeps urging me to continue be the one to reach out and engage with my inlaws. I told him no, it's been a one way street for 13 years. I am working very hard to get to a place of acceptance. They are who they are and I can't change the dynamic. They see the world through their point of view and aren't interested in how I feel.They aren't verbally mean nor spiteful but we aren't close and never will be. They enable exwife's behavior. I do my duty on holidays and the occasional birthday dinner. I've stopped sending holiday cards and birthday/anniversary acknowledgments keeping it as they do with me. To emotionally protect myself I have very low expectations and I focus all my energy on my family and friends who are loving and supportive. What's that saying, the grass is greener where it's watered. Yeah, I focus on those who are for me.
The in-laws choose to keep
The in-laws choose to keep believing that DH's ex did no wrong and is all sugar and spice. She has the wool so far over their eyes they have no idea who she really is. They come see us but we are not treated as much as family as the ex is.
They choose her over us.
I have dealt with this for a
I have dealt with this for a long time. BM is friends with all of my in laws on social media. The two closest family members to my husband are closer to her than me. This has irritated me for a long time so much so that I don’t really have a relationship with them. It just makes me uncomfortable but because I married a man with a kid I’m supposed to be ok with absolutely no boundaries. I don’t fight about it anymore it’s a waste of breath. I just do my thing, take care of my kids unfortunately for me I don’t have the time to be all over social media commenting on all of my in laws posts. BM has all the time in world to mark her territory.