Celebrating Birthdays
Does anyone in your husband's family acknowledge your birthday? If you have kids, do they acknowledge theirs? It's been hit or miss with mine. My MIL never acknowledges my birthday unless my husband says something about it and then she will tell him say happy birthday for me and get a little something at the store from me. No thanks. My SIL is passive aggressive about it. Some years she will send a birthday text and others she ignores. Wouldn't be so bad if they weren't the celebrating type but they make a HUGE deal out of their own birthdays and their kids birthdays. It's only the sacred inner circle who get the effort. So I have begun ignoring theirs. Tired of trying, tired of one way effort. I'm done. My therapist keeps urging me to be the one to keep putting forth the effort and to be the "bigger person". Nope! Not after 13 years. Tired of the non reciprocal effort. Let the ex who is up all their asses and who gushes on Facebook do all the birthday wishes. She can have them all back.
I doubt my DH's family know
I doubt my DH's family know when my birthday is but I have never been one to make anyhing out of my birthday anyway. My In-laws have missed 2/3 of my BS's birthday parties including his very first one but they also miss my SS's birthday parties too so I don't take it personal in that sense. They do however do for their other grandchildren. It doesn't bother me and DH swears and acts as if he doesn't bother him either. He loves my mom as if she was his own and enjoys my dad and brother's company. My DH loves his brothers, his older younger brother's wife and our nieces and nephews but we aren't close as we are to my side of the family. He plans to move my mom with us when we retire to Florida....he ignores his mother's calls more times than not. He claims to have always been the black sheep and his parents never really bothered with him.
Skids? Nope. And they all
Skids? Nope. And they all know that SD25's baby daddy and I share the same birthday.
I've since decided to return the favor and ignore their birthdays. Which is a real kicker because *I* am the one who USED to remind DH. *dirol*
Your therapist said that?
Be the bigger person does not mean that you keep putting yourself in a lesser position, celebrating others when they dont celebrate you. There is a fine line between being a bigger person and a doormat. You are doing the right thing, you are giving back what you get, which is nothing. Its called self dignity, surely your therapist believes in that?!
EXACTLY THIS ^^^^^^^
EXACTLY THIS ^^^^^^^
I have the same issue!!! I
I have the same issue!!! I gave up!
I was brought up to celebrate events with kindness. I use to get gifts for all DH family members, small gift, card , text or phone call. that all stopped when they on purpose did not wish my child a happy birthday and then never even called on mine ( and they use to remember ) ( i don't care for gifts but i am a huge card person, love getting cards ) then xmas came and on purpose they singled out my child!!! small box of chocolates and 1 pair of regular socks while DH's kids got lots of gifts......and this is after he gave both his sisters $5,000 each!!!! my family always bought stuff for dh, father day, birthdays, xmas etc and his kids too but as soon as i saw that this did not bother my DH at all i said enough is enough, it's not just about you and your kids! so no more. his kids are into drugs now so the only thing they will ever get is a $50 gift card for a store (before it was $100 cash and chocolates) till this day i still cannot believe that my DH did not stick up for us with his family! i no longer want to see them, i will never again call or go there on special events.... i tried and they were assholes, they are nothing to me!
What shocks me the most is that my DH said that everything with kids has to be equal and fair!!!!
His parents were leaving on vacation, dh asks if he can take my car since it’s bigger: HELL NOOOOO
Sister wants to sit my house while we go away? HELL NO
Hon, what should I get my mom for her b-day: DON’T CARE
Hon, I am thinking of inviting my parents over: have fun cleaning and entertaining, I will not be here
Hon my mom baked some cupcakes: I RATHER STARVE
I don’t need them! Strangers wish me happy mother’s day but not DH’S FAMILY! Some people are just pure assholes, and the thing that pisses me off is that they do this on purpose BUT DH IS SO FREAKING BLIND!!!!
Id be sacking your therapist.
Id be sacking your therapist. As I dont have kids, nor do I have any family who celebrate birthdays or xmas for that matter (due to the fact my parents and another sibling and his kids are all in a crazy cult that dont celebrate anything 'pagan') I said to my partner please dont let his family buy me stuff as its harder on me as I will have to buy for many people!! I dont want that.