Cell phone update
First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all of the BMs here and also to the SMs who work so hard to help your SO with the skids. BM picked SD up last night and we should get her back on Saturday.
So, an update! BM has decided that SD's phone is actually a convenience now that she realizes we weren't trying to sabotage her by purchasing it and now that SD is spending time with her friends more, it is actually a great accessory for easy access to her plans, wherabouts, etc.
DH told me that SD took it with her this week and I couldn't have rolled my eyes any harder than I did when I heard that. He said how dumb and entitled BM acts and I just agreed. I have vowed to never speak to BM again after her sh!thead explanation as to why SD should NOT have a phone because we "didn't discuss it" and HER rule was SD MUST be 14. That took, what, less than 3 months? Oh well, not my problem or concern.
Also, GBM dropped off a MD card to DH for me. It was a kind gesture. She is a decent person and is not as bad as BM, but I still don't trust her. I sent her a thank you text and wished her a happy MD.
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Comments
Did she do her chores of
Did she do her chores of cleaning her room and trash you reminded her of before BM picked her up?
After being reminded at least
After being reminded at least 5 times, yes. Well, she had her backpack and was walking toward the door and said BM was on the way. I asked if she did what she was supposed to (trash and hang her clean clothes instead of throwing them on her closet floor). The answer was no so she turned around like a scolded puppy and did it. She changed before she left so she has jeans on her floor and a pair of shoes strewn out. Also a stuffed animal pair still on the floor. The girl is just clueless.
Go in, take the stuff she
Go in, take the stuff she left strewn about, and put it in a trash bag. When she comes next week, make her earn her stuff back.
Or close the door to her room and let your DH handle it.
I opted for the latter. DH is
I opted for the latter. DH is just as bad and had his "side" of the bed, farthest from the door. I never look over there so that it doesn't stress me out.
I know this is focusing on
I know this is focusing on only one thing but she has every right to refuse to let the kid have the phone and if it’s true you didn’t discuss it with her then you went about it wrong.
You have every right to get the child a phone to use in your home. You have no right to force BM to allow that phone in her home. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is to not allow it. It’s her home and her rules and not wanting the child to have a phone till she is 14 is very reasonable.
A little story. Last summer BM got SO’s oldest a phone. She never said a thing about it until the girl calls my partner on her new phone. SO was never consulted about the phone and the damage was done. He did not approve of having the phone in our home and now he’s the bad guy. He’s the one having to tell the kid she can’t have it because he doesn’t approve. At the same time we had BM making it worse and trying to demand he allow the child to have it. It was a horrible situation for us and the child to be in. BUT it comes down to being BM’s fault. We have rules for our home and she had no right to try and dictate how we run our home.
I understand that she has the
I understand that she has the right to decline the phone's use in her home. However, my point was, less than 3 months later, she realizes it's not such a bad idea for a 12 year old who is becoming more social. She just likes being in control because it wasn't her idea. Plus, she reaps the benefits when SD is with us by contacting her anytime she likes. That includes picking SD up while DH is at work and not consulting him, but he'll never complain to her. It's all dysfunctional.
You're looking for conflict
You're looking for conflict where there doesn't have to be any. Sometimes people just change their mind. Her being against it didn't mean it was just to upset you guys. You made a major parenting decision and didn't involve her in it. You expected her to just accept that for her home. I've been in that place before is what I'm saying and it's not right. You may disagree with her but you guys were wrong for expecting her to just go with it because you guys wanted it.
Yeah she may feel different now but that doesn't mean she was wrong at the start and what worse is even now she can't be right. Even now your criticizing her.
Did you want the kid to have it or not? Don't condemn her for changing her mind.
Agree to disagree, I suppose.
Agree to disagree, I suppose. She is a rotten person and I won't change my mind. An adult wouldn't have verbally attacked her child's SM in front of the child and would've taken her concern to dad. Now, I will never speak to her again, so I guess this is a win for me.
BM did what all NORMAL
BM did what all NORMAL parents do. They set rules and then revisit those rules from time to time
Why does it matter that it only took 3 months to realize that dad was right on this issue? She could have dug her heels in and stuck to her guns. This (and many other things you have posted about) speaks to the fact that she may be rough around the edges, but there are times when she tries to do the right thing.
If dad is fine with mom picking the kid up without consulting him first, why worry about it? As long as they are not imposing upon you, it shouldn't be an issue to you.
Say what you want but SD's
Say what you want but SD's parents always revisiting "rules" is the reason she doesn't understand structure. If you are adamant about your child waiting until 14 to have a cell phone, follow through with what you say!
I agree with this. But you
I agree with this. But you care more about structure, consistency, and meaning what you say than both of her parents. *Disengage* *Disengage* *Disengage!*