Advice please!
Ok, so I will try to keep this short. I understand the stepchild step parent dinamic,being a step kid myself. But for the life of me I can' figure out why my skid is so difficult to deal with! My god he was fine two years ago and now all of the sudden he is the most disrespectful,rude,self entitled self important spoiled little brat ever! He is purposely breaking his toys and his baby brothers toys (he takes them and breaks them just so the babies can't have them) with no explanation of why he is doing it. He seems to be under the impression that his father and I HAVE to buy him more stuff to replace what he broke without further punishment.he just broke his brand new Nintendo switch on purpose (directly after being told he has to be careful how he plays cuz if he breaks it we won' buy him a new one) and then just so his pitiful crocodile tears stop his father says oh it's ok well get u a new one. I could go on and on! Dh family always enables the kids bratty behavior and I know his mom allows this crap too.my problem is his little brothers (my sons) are getting older and watching and learning everything this little monster does (they are about to turn two) and I will not allow them to grow up acting like this little cretin plz help the kid is gonna be 6 this year and he still refuses to stop crapping his pants when he is here and forces me to wipe his butt!
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This is a DH problem. You
This is a DH problem. You guys told him you wouldn’t buy him a new switch if he broke that one, he broke it, cried and is getting a new one. There is nothing wrong with that child that PARENTING wouldn’t fix. If DH won’t parent him, you are in for a long, miserable life.
As to the butt wiping, I still help my 5.5 year old son. I think supporting toileting at six is still ok. They are little and need help getting all the way clean.
It' not the wiping that
It' not the wiping that bothers me.. it' he specifically asks me to do it ( he won' ask daddy even if I'm changing a baby or making food I always have to stop what I'm doing) dh won't do it he thinks he's (done cuz this child doesnt wear diapers) as for parenting his BM thinks the same way that she's entitled to everything cuz she was raised that way..she didn' even potty training him I did! But all the sudden his attitude has changed and I'm thinking BM is telling him to act this way...I've asked him if he is jealous of the babies and their toys he says no and doesn' like their toys but he still plays with and breaks them.i buy him his own toys that are just older version of what the babies get ..I'm just at a loss cuz things were going so well up until about two.months ago. I' just worried that eventually were going to have to buy him everything and anything he wants just so he doesn' go after his brothers things
Teachers won't help a 6 year
Teachers won't help a 6 year old wipe his ass. It's long passed time the kid wiped his own ass.
"I can' figure out why my
"I can' figure out why my skid is so difficult to deal with! My god he was fine two years ago and now all of the sudden he is the most disrespectful,rude,self entitled self important spoiled little brat ever! "
answer: "my sons.... are about to turn two."
" directly after being told he has to be careful how he plays cuz if he breaks it we won' buy him a new one"
followed by:
" then just so his pitiful crocodile tears stop his father says oh it's ok well get u a new one"
You're looking to blame everyone but the actually problem " Dh family always enables the kids bratty behavior and I know his mom allows this crap too"..... but your husband is the parent in your home and he has created this little demon child.
Out of curiosity , why are you wiping a six year old's butt instead of the kid's father?
Welcome to steptalk. You're going to need this place.
Yes to all of this. The boy
Yes to all of this. The boy is obviously jealous of his stepbrothers. You were the only one parenting him well and now that your time is limited, he is showing his backside by acting out. I guess to him getting attention even if it's for bad things is better than nothing. Your DH needs to step up and show his son that he is STILL important to him.. and no not by buying things the kids breaks but by spending time with him. He needs to try to do something with the boy that is theirs to do together.. learn to kick a soccer ball, go for an afternoon walk in the park.. bike ride... basically quality time with dad. and... if he needs help with the tail wipe.. dad needs to do it. He is asking you because you are the head butt wiper in charge of the house... make dad step up.
It sounds like the problem is
It sounds like the problem is your husband and his lack of parenting while the child is with you. There's nothing you can do about the way the BM and extended family deal with the skid, but you've given examples of your husband enabling/rewarding bad behavior and refusing to take care of his kid's toileting needs. I'm sure there are other examples of bad parenting, and therein lies your problem. I would refuse to stop what I'm doing to wipe this kid's butt. Tell him to call his father. If he has to do that a couple times he'll probably figure out how to do it himself.
I'm almost convinced that
I'm almost convinced that neither BM or dh patented this child at all,I assume cuz her family would always "pick up the slack " I have asked why he needs me to do it..shown him how he's supposed to wipe then he does it himself a few times then as soon as he' back with BM the clock resets and I'm back to square one. Both birth parents are used to just not doing anything I suppose. I had the same problem potty training him, he would do so good all weekend no diapers then as soon as he's back with mom he' in the diapers again...I finally had enough and begged dh to tell BM that she needs to continue with the potty training cuz you can' send kids to kindergarten in diapers.. she got the message but still somehow missed the how to wipe part....then she accused me of being inappropriate with the child for trying to teach him to potty (it's almost like I already lost )
My assessment is that he is
My assessment is that he is jealous even if he doesn’t really understand. Even the pooping his pants. He wants to feel connected to you and that’s how he sees his brothers get your attention.
Maybe carve out big boy time for just you and him.
Some of what you talk about is just parenting issues, some is crappy aspect of step life.
I would encourage you to not get toys that you care about. And put the ones you do care about up when he visits.
Set boundaries, write down the behaviors he needs to stop and write the consequences for those actions. Each time he does something destructive or inappropriate respond with the consequence.
Make sure to recharge yourself. This isn’t easy but it will be worth it. Just think looooonnngggg term.
If BM has accused you of being inapropriate
with SS when you help him in the bathroom - you need to stop before she decides to call CPS on you. DH should be handling all of the toileting. You don't want to run any risk of having your own kids removed from the home while CPS does an investigation.
Yeah, I didn't even think of
Yeah, I didn't even think of that...I just find it odd that she thinks wiping his butt is inappropriate. (I lost ot on her anyway and said if she was even half the parent she pretends to be then there wouldnt be a need for me to wipe him cuz he would have already been out of diapers before five years old)If I waited on dh to wipe him that poor kid would be sitting on the toilet forever or just having a dirty butt most of the day
As another poster said above,
As another poster said above, you have a DH problem. Not a skid problem. Skid is the product of his environment. He has an army of adults who'd rather treat him like a precious little poor child of divorce instead of parenting, guiding, teaching, etc. In two years, this little one has grown old enough to realize how to manipulate and get his way. He has figured out that if he turns on the tears, sticks out the bottom lip...he will get his way. What child wouldn't want to enjoy that?
You cannot care more than the parents. This child has two parents and they need to step up...or not. Either way it does not and should not fall on you. Especially since BM is already being shady and manipulative and accusing you of being inappropriate with skid. You need to take HUGE steps back. This could ;ead (and has for many SM's here) to BM lodging a CPS report against you. If BM can complain about that, you can be sure she has more tricks in her GUBM bag and this will only continue.
He sounds young and you sound like a good person. You have a long long looooooooong road ahead of you if you stay married to this enabling, coddling, spineless, Disney Dad. I would really suggest looking long and hard at what you can live with. This will not be easy and only get worse. Far worse. Imagine the teenage years.
Welcome to StepTalk.
OP can correct me if I
OP can correct me if I misunderstood, but OP;s sons are either twins or triplets. She states in profile she has three, and in her posting says 'her sons' are about to be two.
To me it sounds like the SS (who would have been four aka the two years ago OP says this started) got lost in the shuffle . That OP did all the parenting and child care of her SS before all the other babies were born, and now that her hands are truly full with babies she can't get a lick of help nor parenting out of her husband for any of the children.
Im still stuck on the fact
Im still stuck on the fact that a 6 year old has a Nintendo Switch. lol
Yeah sorry
I forgot to mention, the two year old bios awe twins and I have a one year old son too.yeah the switch wasn't my idea so much as it was something to keep him from taking my phone (buying games and stuff) or breaking it.iam pretty much stuck with all parenting responsibility, dh works and also has what I'd call a crippling video game addiction...*I mean he spends at least 10 hours at a time on the xbox*
And the acting out
It really didn' get this bad until two months ago not sure but something flipped his lid
You poor thing. You are the
You poor thing. You are the only adult in the home. My I hear too many people who have these perpetual adolescents that can't put down the game controller. Look, fine, if you want a hobby. But when you neglect your children and spouse? You have an addiction and you are a selfish Ahole.. Your DH needs to put the dang game away and BE a parent... not only to his older bio son but to the other children with you. You seem to be the only adult and that has to be overwhelming. He needs to tend to his responsibilities before he plays his little games.
I might tell him that he won't have time to play games.. nor the money for it when you leave his sorry butt and he is paying CS for even more kids. He will be living in a cardboard box working OT to cover his bills.
With the additional
With the additional information you've given, I'll bet SS is feeling lost in the shuffle. That would explain why he was much better two years ago. It just sounds like you don't have sufficient time to take care of three kids under 2 and devote sufficient time to SS when he's there. Maybe it's time to stop enabling your husband and tell him to get off the xbox and parent his kid.
That xbox would be missing
That xbox would be missing from the house when the guy got home from work. The man child seems to think his sole responsibility to 'parenting' is supplying the sperm.
Sounds more like a 16yr old hormonal guy with a job his mommy made him get and he can hardly wait to get off and race home to his gaming.
It never used to be this bad,
It never used to be this bad, it all started when his other better paying job laid him off, and that's when the gaming that long started but man I'm so tired of being told what I can and cannot do in my own house...can't even go grocery shopping unless the twins are napping and little baby napping as well otherwise I know he won't take care of them while I'm gone....we used to be happy once upon a time but now I'm just so angry and frustrated I barely recognize who iam anymore