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The Dreaded Graduation Ceremony!

DreamQueen's picture

Submitted by DreamQueen on Thu, 04/12/2018 - 6:15am

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Teenage Stepchildren

My SS graduates next month, on 5/17, and has yet to say anything to my dh or I. Things have been a bit rocky for his senior year, mostly due to his Mother's disdain for my husband and him turning 18 this past July. One of the things is his Child Support ending. (It should have carried through until he graduated, BUT it has officially ended andhis mother owes dh Child Support due to overpayment. This is a whole post in and of itself, but I will explain to anyone who has questions - just ask! ). We are just a month away and haven't been asked about tickets, attendance, a party (Which I AM planning), he attends school in a county just south of us, but his graduation will only be 10 minutes from us, but that doesn't matter! We'd travel anywhere to see it happen. But now I am getting the feeling we (or even my husband) won't be invited. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and keep telling myself that he doesn't have information. But I graduated, and planned for months prior to it happening. We received a text from his mother out of the blue earlier this month telling us she needs $300 for his school dues or he won't graduate. My dh got so mad that she brought this up in the 11th hour, as we aren't rich! We can't just pull $300 out of our you-know-what's and hand it over. But I am trying to get it for him. Not her. HIM, my SS. I told him to tell her we'd do our best to get what we can together. That was the last we heard. 

 

So should I speak up? Call him and ask about it? Or should I let him approach (or avoid) as he sees fit? I don't know how many tickets he can get. The place he is graduating at is a poular concert/sports venue on a College Campus, so it holds a LOT of people. If for whatever reason, we are not invited, I don't feel we should be obligated to host a part celebrating with this side of the family. I have sent invites, set a date and place, but won't hesitate to cancel should we be "forgotten". He is currently unaware of the party as I kind of wanted it to be a surprise. At least until everything is set in stone. I don't want my husband to miss out on the fact that he can watch his son graduate, and nor should he. This is like a parenting right. And I know it will hurt him immensely, despite telling me otherwise. 

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 04/12/2018 - 7:21am

I am not sure what your relationship with SS is like. However, if it was me and we had a decent relationship I would call him and just ask what the plans are. Let him know that you haven't gotten the annoucement yet and ask if tickets are involved. My SS's doesn't have tickets because of where it is being held- TONS of space. This could be a slight by BM and not SS. Teenage boys are notorious for being forgetful and less than thought full- but not on purpose. 

If it clicks when he is talking to you, and he is like "oh no, sorry! I meant to tell you!"  you might want to clue him in on the party just so that he doesn't make plans!

notarelative's picture

Submitted by notarelative on Thu, 04/12/2018 - 10:07am

Are you sure that SS is free the day of the surprise graduation party? 

If you haven't made fake plans with him for that day he may have other plans.

queensway's picture

Submitted by queensway on Thu, 04/12/2018 - 10:09am

Yes you or your husband should call SS and ask about the tickets. Not whether you are invited but how many tickets he gets and when does he get them. Let him know that you are excited to see him graduate. And leave it at that.

As far as this BM goes this is really her last chance to stick it to your husband. LOL Get prepared for some b1tchy behavior. All in all looks like this is a 2fer for you. Your SS is graduating and CS stops. Congrats to your SS. And double congrats to you.

 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 04/12/2018 - 1:07pm

That is your Husbands kid, He should contact his son and find out about the tickets,  How many tickets are given to him. Then as and adult your husband should say  tickets go to BM and her So, TO your husband and you.

  Then any additional chrildren. Then to GP. Then family. That is fair 

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Thu, 04/12/2018 - 1:42pm

So the BM owes your DH for CS overpayment, but tried to hit him up for $300 for some nebulous school fee?  How typical.

Have your DH parent up and contact the high school directly to find out what's what regarding graduation, fees owed, etc. Then he can speak with his son possessing the facts. If fees are due for missing textbooks, that's on BM and SS to sort out. Basically, your DH should do his own due diligence because he knows BM cannot be trusted.

Never pony up money solely on the word of a BM.

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Thu, 04/12/2018 - 5:09pm

... but in the spirit of disengagement, I am unconcerned. This year I stepped back after purchasing SS a yearbook - he's never wanted a yearbook but I thought he should get his final senior high school yearbook - so he's on his own at this point because DH never checks the parent website (grades, attendance, grad requirements like ordering cap & gown, senior class photo, senior portraits, etc.). I always did all that until this year (senior year) but no more trying to get SS to do things anymore, just watching as the clock runs down & he hits last-minute crisis mode.

I'd planned on purchasing senior portraits but SS came home high that day, so I decided not to put any effort or money into obtaining photos because I can see that same look (sans tux of course) several nights a week when SS comes home baked. Every high school portrait was the same, so I stopped purchasing after Sophomore year.