only 3 men in my life who have made my heart skip a beat(s) in fear...
This morning I was thinking about my situation with ss15. If you read my previous post he was way out of line the other day with (almost) assualting me. He is 6'3" and I am almost a foot shorter and about 100 lbs less so he could technically take me out if he got angry enough. (he's a wrestler and football player)
So I was thinking how in my entire life I have only had 3 men physically hurt me or threaten to physically hurt me and those 3 are my ex H and my 2 ss. I got rid of my ex by divorcing him, made sure ss18 moved out after he threatened me several times, and now I have to deal with it for 3 more years with ss15. I was able to walk away from ex and ss18 was old enough to have move out fairly soon after he threatened me, but now ss15 is not.
His dad, my dh, has told him he needs to aplogize to me but he hasn't yet. I am completely disengaging from him, not even cooking for him. He comes out of his room at night to eat but other then that I have not seen him except as he passes by to go out the door to school.
This kid has "hatred of women" problems b/c of what piece of crap bm did to him. He takes it out on me 
I have huge fears of being beaten again and I almost cringe when ss15 is around and that was before he threatened me the other day. I know I should have left well enough alone about what I confronted him on, and will in the furture, but what became obvious to me is how much anger the boy is harboring inside. It's very scary.
When he was yelling at me and using his body to force me across the room with his fist raised, I was scared. Have any of you smoms experienced fear of your ssons before, and how do you go on day to day with this object of your fear in your own home?Luckily I don't have any little children to protect.
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Kick him out, or you move.
Kick him out, or you move.
If that was a random
If that was a random stranger, would you have called the police? No different. He knows you're scared now and that power isn't somehting a 15yo should have.
If that was a random
If that was a random stranger, would you have called the police? No different. He knows you're scared now and that power isn't somehting a 15yo should have.
Call the cops. Ask to speak
Call the cops. Ask to speak to someone who deals with victim support. Get some help that way. Personally I would buy a gun and learn to use it. NO ONE should be held hostage by a bully whether they are 51 or 15. Please, for your own safety, call the cops or move out.
You shouldn't have to walk
You shouldn't have to walk around on egg shells in your own home. (Trust me I can give advice but I don't take it...ugh.) If you are in this much fear your DH should be all over this. From the sounds of it he just said apologize to your SM and he STILL HASN'T??? You need to take this further with your DH in my opinion. Call the cops if you have to it's your home and you shouldn't feel threatened in the least.
Oh honey please do something
Oh honey please do something for yourself. No one should have to live in fear in their own homes. The power this teenager has over you is not only scary but it's dangerous. He'll eventually end up hurting you!!!!
Please seek help. Whether it's moving in with a family member or friend until DH can figure alternative arrangements for his son or whatever it takes to keep you safe.
I agree with BetterThanHer above - you need a safe place to talk and I do hope she can help you!
I would have called the cops.
I would have called the cops. I've already thought this through with all three of our kids, my bio and my two steps. There are certain lines that you don't cross and threatening physical violence is one of them. Even if the cops just showed up and talked with him it would have showed him at the very least that this behavior is unacceptable and is punishable by law. Just because you're bigger does not mean that you can do whatever you want plain and simple.
I didn't even think to call
I didn't even think to call the cops at the time b/c I am not a cop caller like my ex was/is. I think it causes more issues then not. HOWEVER, I did explain to dh this morning that if this behavior should ever happen again - I WILL CALL THE COPS. His ss18 had me up against a wall with his forarm once. Both boys immediately ran out of the house and disappeared for hours after those two incidences, just like my ex used to do. Ex'd disappear for days sometimes and by that time I just wanted him back home and for things to go back to normal. You're all right though in that I should not have to live in fear. DH says ss15 says I provoked him and confronted where I should not have done so, and thinks it's all my fault. I am beginning to think that the real issue (ss15 having sex with a 19 yr old) is being forgotten by ss15 and DH and they are turning the focus on me to divert my attention. Now I know that even angles fear to tread near ss15.
The 19 yo girl with whom your
The 19 yo girl with whom your 15 yo stepson is having sex can be charged with satuatory rape. A conviction of satuatory rape will stay on her record for the rest of her life. Just mentioning that to the girl would be more effective than confronting your step son.
You need to learn the power of disengaging. Let your husband deal with the consequences of his childrens bad behavior. They are not your children. They are NOT your problem. Upon disengaging, you will begin to see your step children as victims of your husbands poor parenting, which in a weird way will give you empathy / understanding for them. Pity your step children from a distance. Your safety is more important than a relationship with the step children. The step children are problem children and your husband is the problem. Remember that you have no authority over step children. Even well meaning interventiion will back fire. All acts of kindness are construed as weakness with step children.
AGREE!! In martial arts,
AGREE!! In martial arts, I've learned various kihons (5 moves or less) to put someone down if they are aggressive towards me. The fun of being one of the only women in the class... I get to practice on all the guys who are all LOTS bigger than me.
I am a firm believer that every woman needs to take a class like this -- maybe not necessarily devoting themselves to martial arts, but even a self defense class to learn some of these moves.
This is the poster who
This is the poster who confronted the SS about having protected sex with his girlfriend, right?
If so, really? I've been beat/abused by my XH. I NEVER did anything to intentionally piss him off, because I feared him.
IMO, if you "fear" him, really, truly, fear him, you wouldn't provoke him.
Listen to these ladies.
Listen to these ladies. Especially dtzy, she has a lot of gold nuggets of wisdom. I was also an abused spouse. It is not yourfault. NOTHING justifies being assaulted. Get help, have a plan, and CALL THE POLICE. Do not let SS abuse you ANY MORE. And do not let your husband get away with not backing you up. That makes him just as bad as SS. Be careful! Be smart. Listen tho those that have been there and got out.
change the locks - he does
change the locks - he does not get a key & can only enter the home after DH is home. He may not stay with you alone at any time.
Pretty easy solution when
Pretty easy solution when anyone attempts to beat you or approaches you with fists raised particularly a 6'3" assailant that outweighs you by 100Lbs. Double tap .45cal center mass. End of problem. I am shocked that one man beat you and lived much less three men.
Skid, husband or not, use deadly force to protect yourself, kill the abusive assholes and do yourself and the world a favor.
Grrrrrr!!!!
Until then, tell your DH and his abusive POS spawn to GTFO of your home, change the locks, get an RO, file for divorce and move on. If my brother or I had done what your SS has done to you to our mother our former Marine father would have beat us to within an inch or our lives at least and brocken our necks at worse. Your DH failed as a husband when he did not kick his kid's ass for this. However, unlike your DH my father and mother raised us right and instilled in us honor and character and set the clear expectation women were to be treated with respect. Dad also let us know in no uncertain terms that our mom is his wife and his sons or not she was his wife first, our mom second and was to be treated with respect. Your DH has failed miserably with this critical responsibility as a father.
When my SS got in his mom's face when he was 15yo 6'00" tall and she was on him for lieing he quickly learned how unacceptable that was. When I stepped in he took a swing at me and ended up with his feet a foot off of the grown, my fists at his throat, gurgling and spluttering and struggling followed shortly by being summarily evicted from our home with only one shoe and no coat in to a driving blizzard. He got the message and we never had a similar problem with him again. We let him back in about 15mins later for a long clarity session.
For letting this slide your DH is a bigger POS than his kid.
All IMHO of course.
I'm not sure what I'm going
I'm not sure what I'm going to do b/c just now ss15 came downstairs and acted like nothing had happened, but only talked to his dad and ignored me, AND talked down at is dad like his dad's an idiot. I think most teen boys are like that these days tho.
Rags, I like your style too but these days that is considered child abuse. My own dad was total BOSS of the home and my brothers totally respected my mom and NEVER threatened or laid a hand on her. My own sons have been taught that too. My oldest son lied to me once about 5 years ago - he hasn't lied since.
My ss's are made from a completely different cloth. I think of them as the cheap losely woven sack cloth used for feed bags on a farm, and my sons are woven tighter, almost like expensive sheets.
Again, not sure what I am going to do yet. I have read all these posts and am now just pondering the options.
Thanks everyone.
My SS is now 20. Our
My SS is now 20. Our incident was only 5yrs ago so the laws are not notably different than they are now. Self defense is not child abuse in my opinion. Your SS is not a 5yo he is 15 and a large and powerful male. I am thinking pepper spray is in order for the next time your SS-15 gets in your face if the .45 permanent solution is not acceptable. Followed by 911 and assault charges. It is time to take this out of your DHs hands and put this delinquint in jail and let the courts deal with him.
Sorry if I am less than tolerant in my advice but you can not put yourself at risk with this kid and if your DH will not fix the problem then you have to fix it or have the police fix it.
Good luck. I hope this all works out for you well and soon.