Just thoughts.
WELL! I've been so busy at work and I'm not on step talk much while I'm home so I haven't been able to read/comment as much as I like haha.
We leave for vacation Sunday and I'm so excited! Today I have the house to myself which I don't even know when the last time this happened. No one here just me and the dogs!
I am cleaning and doing stuff here and there to get ready to leave.
I start looking at the dogs and how much I always miss them when we go away. The puppy is 11 months now and hasn't experienced life without us... and she LOVESSS her humans. Thankfully the dogs have each other and SD's friends older sister is staying here (she lives across the street) so they will be in good hands. Plus SOs parents will help with letting them out.
Which brings me to my thought... how does one get to the point that BM is... how does she live 10 minutes away and has gone MONTHS without seeing her kids. I may not be a bio mom but.. 7 days away from my dogs is ALOT for me.
How do you go about your days and not try to do ANYTHING. The only thing she has been doing is the monthly nail appointment with SD. Which is literally nails and back.
Granted the skids are older now but I mean really.. how do you live yourself guilt free like her?
SO and I were at Marshall's Wednesday around noon and he spotted BM... we ran out of there. I'm surprised I didn't spot her and that she didn't see SO. SO is 6'3" and you can't really miss him if it was her... even with a mask.
That was our first almost run in.. no clue why she wasn't working but whatever.
Anyways.. every time we go out I always think about buying for skids. Specifically SD. I buy her all her stuff...BM goes shopping and has not bought them anything in years! She bought her a random pair of $20 sandals in 5 years.
How do you become that selfish? How does it happen? How do you think you're doing the right thing??!
I don't get it.
- MissK03's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
They aren't attached to their
They aren't attached to their kids in the same way that normal mothers are, or the way you are attached to your dogs. They see the kids as something to use to meet their own needs, and parenting is hard work that doesn't meet their needs. But they know it's not right to not have your kids with you, so they convince themselves (and the world), that the kids were taken from them by their evil ex.
100% to meet their needs.
100% to meet their needs. Wanted the title and ZERO work.
Example: when BM texted SS17 "Am I going to see you for your birthday?" Instead of asking what HE wants to do..
Everything is/was always about her.
Not every woman who has kids
Not every woman who has kids has maternal instincts or a maternal bond to their kids. Most mothers do what needs to be done, anyway, but some are perfectly okay loving their kids from afar and putting themselves first.
I read an article the other day that states:
Having children is terrible for quality of life. In one study, the psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his colleagues asked about 900 employed women to report, at the end of each day, every one of their activities and how happy they were when they did them. They recalled being with their children as less enjoyable than many other activities, such as watching TV, shopping, or preparing food. Other studies find that when a child is born, parents experience a decrease in happiness that doesn’t go away for a long time, in addition to a drop in marital satisfaction that doesn’t usually recover until the children leave the house.
Yes, she is selfish and it's too bad she didn't realize just how selfish, before she had kids. Her happiness comes before motherhood, evidently.
That makes sense.
That makes sense.
I think in her case it's all about an image she wants to portray.. She makes herself appear to be a "good mom" with stories and social media posts when given the opportunity.
She believes her own lies..
So funny, I was discussing
So funny, I was discussing that Kahneman study with my SIL last night because she and BIL are getting ready to have kids. If I recall correctly, the big takeaway was that mothers specifically report being less happy day-to-day than childless women, but that their overall satisfaction with the "meaningfulness" of their lives is higher amongst mothers. I never would have understood the distinction until I became a mother myself, but truthfully it IS really hard and exhausting and draining to bear the huge responsibility of raising a healthy, well-rounded, happy, and productive human being. But at the same time, I look at what a great person my DD is growing into and I genuinely feel more satisfied with how I've contributed to that than any other work I've done in my life.
Obviously there are women with circumstances like extreme poverty or untreated addiction who aren't equipped to be mothers. But I think it's far more common that some mothers don't have a maternal instinct or bond for whatever reason (and there are certainly some valid reasons for this) and so that makes the amount of work required just unbearable for them. Especially in the beginning when infants need their moms literally 24/7; getting through that period if you didn't feel a true bond would be torturous. So separating themselves from their children is probably a coping mechanism so they won't have to experience guilt for all the things they're not doing. Enough time passes and it's out of sight, out of mind, and it probably becomes somewhat painful to spend time with the kids because it stirs up that guilt and eventually the substance of the mother-child relationship is all but nonexistent.
Some people shouldn't have
Some people shouldn't have children.
There is a song called "Mom" from Highly Suspect and it's about mothers like this. So sad. These selfish people don't know the waves if hurt they cause by their decisions.
100%
I agree. Which is why I never had any
Except for my furbabies, who like OP I miss so much when we are leaving for a vacation. The furbabies also know as soon as the suitcases come out and start the guilty stares soon after that.
My lab knows something is
My lab knows something is going on... he is suspicious. He is needy but not cuddled if that makes sense and he has been more snuggling in a sense.
Meth Mouth is a NARC so her
Meth Mouth is a NARC so her kids were never really all that important for her, just more what they could get for her. Once she started using drugs that became her passion and the kids were just a means to money to pay for those drugs. Even now Meth Mouth has little to do with her kids, it's more about what they can provide her.
I really think BM drinks
I really think BM drinks heavily and (I'm assuming here) probably has some sort of prescription problem.. but is functional.
Poor kids.
Poor kids.
Kids deserve to have clean and sober parents.