Am I a B----tch?
Ok...to break it down in simple terms. I met my hubby just as his divorce was almost final...literally like two weeks before it went to court. He was awarded joint custody of an 18 month old. Like a dumb foolish woman, I quit my job and moved into his place several hours away and jumped head first into being the problem solver and peacemaker and live in wife/mommy. After a few months, I realized I made a huge mistake! I told him I was leaving and was unhappy and too educated to be stuck in this situation. I could clearly see, he had no one to help except for me. His mom lived out of state and only offered financial help on a minimal basis. I took his child to daycare and picked him up, cooked and cleaned and was pretty much a live in nanny with benefits.
I moved down back to the big city and have been utterly happy living away from the problems he had. He chose to move with me and try to better his life and go back to school and get a better job. None of which he could do in a small town that had nothing to offer him. So, here's the dilemma....
We have his kid every spring break, 6 weeks every summer, and every christmas. During this time, his mom pushes herself on us and takes over and he is off to work on his busy schedule and his mom and I are left taking care of his now 4 year old. Due to my own health issues including depression from being out of work in this economy other than being a part time employee, I can't handle it anymore. I had some kind of a breakdown about all of this. I told him yesterday that from this point on, if he could not take care of his son on his own when he came (including picking up/dropping off from daycare) that he was not to have him or else I would leave. I felt it was an injustice to his young son who cries daily for his mom and his dad is so disconnected and detached and literally only has a few hours a day to spend with him. Am I a total wench for this? He says if I wasn't helping him that he could not have his son here...but this was the whole reason why I thought he left and followed me here...cause he couldn't care for his own son on his own?? Help!!!
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I don't want to be mean but
I don't want to be mean but yeah, I think you kinda are not really being your Husbands partner on this one. I am not by any means saying for you to take 100% responsibility for your SS, but the kid is 4. That is so young and he is still in the needy stages of life. You only have this kid 8 weeks total a year, suck it up and be supportive. The kid is going to cry and miss his mom. 6 weeks is a really long time to a 4 year old.
You moved away from your husband once because you had your own needs to fulfill and he came to you to support you. You need to do the same.
^^^^^^^^^^^AMEN TO
^^^^^^^^^^^AMEN TO THAT....Couldnt have said it any better myself!!!
Let me clarify...I agreed to
Let me clarify...I agreed to help him for 3 weeks the summer and to help him the rest of the year when we have him during holidays. I work as an educator and never get to travel or visit with family because of my work schedule. So...it just so happens..every summer I'm stuck being the nanny at home. I proposed that for the first 3 weeks, I'll be glad to be supportive and help in anyway that I can, but the rest of the summer (3 weeks) we have him, he's on his own cause I need to still have the flexibility to travel to visit family and not be bogged down cause he needs me to watch his son all the time. Also, I am not talking about other holidays...those I can tolerate and help with...it's the summer long stretch that kills me.
With that being said, you are
With that being said, you are being perfectly fair and supportive. He does need to find arrangements for the other 1/2 of the summer visit.
And P.S....I have no kids he
And P.S....I have no kids he has to care for either or support.
Has he already set plans for
Has he already set plans for the 3 weeks that you told him you wanted to yourself to visit family and travel? One way to look at this it that there is light at the end of the tunnel, there is a predetermined amount of time that you have his child and then you know there will be a long stretch before his next visit. Hopefully DH holds up his end by allowing you to have the 3 weeks to do your traveling etc. Maybe you could even look into a summer camp or day care and give that information to your DH
My husband has severe ADHD
My husband has severe ADHD and literally does minimal for his son. I researched all the daycares and found an exceptional one that is quite costly to help his developmentally delayed son. All he did was visit with me and sign papers. I even filled those out. As of right now, our summer visit is broken up...3 weeks June, then his mom has for July and we get back for 3 weeks in August. As of right now, he has no plans for the August 3 weeks due to his work schedule.
"He says if I wasn't helping
"He says if I wasn't helping him that he could not have his son here"
Exactly. It's great that you agree to help out SOME of the time but if he cannot care for his son on his own, he should not have him as much as he does. If he were single, what would he do then? He would have to figure it out one way or another. It is pointless for the son to be there so long in the summer if his dad is not spending time with him.
So, did he follow you for YOU or because he needs your help with his son?
He says it was for ME, but my
He says it was for ME, but my husband suffers from 'selfishness.' He had been laid off his job and had nowhere to go...so guess where he went?
You are definitely NOT a
You are definitely NOT a bitch for this!!!! It is HIS KID!!! The whole point of visitation is for the BIO-PARENT of THAT CHILD to SPEND TIME WITH AND PARENT THEIR CHILD!!!
Dont EVER feel guilty or like your a bitch or evil for NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING FOR HIS KID!!!! It is YOUR CHOICE to do or NOT DO whatever YOU CHOOSE to do or not do for his kid...your bf brought this child into this world that child is his responsibility not yours UNLESS YOU DECIDE YOU WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE in some way...otherwise he needs to be doing it all!!!!
I swear I would LOVE the chance to bitch slap every man that expects, demands, guilt-trips or takes advantage of their wife/gf/so to take care, love, raise, etc THEIR DAMN KIDS!!!!