}:)
Well, my day got started off with a bang literally. We have my 4 year old stepson for 6 weeks in the summer time. We have gone out of our way to find a really expensive NAEYC certified preschool to give him the best opportunities and education we can while he is with us. Also, we are only sending him 3 days per week and my husband and I watch him the other four days we are off--alternating days off of course.

The dilemma...a few days ago, out of nowhere my stepson told me, "Mommy doesn't like daddy." My stepson has and always has been exceptionally needy towards me and always wanting my affections and constant attention--moreso than his own bio dad! I suspect he senses my confidence about parenting and setting boundaries etc. because of my background in education and early childhood and raising my sister's children for a brief time. I have no bio kids of my own nor do I want any at this age in my life.

This father's day I asked my stepson to take his gift to daddy and tell him happy father's day. He flat out refused and mosied on over to his dad and stood there face down and angry. His father asked him...don't you want to wish me a happy father's day? My stepson said, no, mommy doesn't like you. This infuriated me and hurt my husband so deeply. I just held him and tried to comfort him.

I have many mixed emotions and thoughts about this and just need to vent. Part of me feels like a total bitch and the other part is somewhat sympathetic. First of all, my husband is not a good father to his son. We live about 6 hours away and we rarely get to see his son except holidays and summertime. Each time, I am the one who ends up taking care of and spending the most amount of time with him, NOT his dad. My husband was a college dropout and has a blue collar job with blue collar hours that suck. When he's home, he rarely interacts with his son and plants him in front of the television while my stepson is acting out in all kinds of ways for attention. My husband has no clue about parenting nor does he actively try to learn how to parent. Part of him is still stuck in adolescence and suffering from his own 'daddy issues.' Now the bitch part of me feels like I don't feel it's my job to be the perfect stepmommy to a half ass dad who doesn't take the initiative to do his job NOR does he try to better his life in a way that allows him more time with his son.

The guilty part of me feels like maybe moving back to that that small town in east texas where there are no jobs for educated people and backwards thinkers is what a woman who really loves her man should do. And that I should stand by him and muddle thru however as long as he regains joint custody and I am there to pick up the slack for him and help him be a better dad.

Honestly, that's just not in me. I love my husband and it has been a two year struggle financially to get our feet on the ground in a new and bigger city with more opportunites. We are finally able to see the light in our dark cave and deep down I know my husband doesn't really give a rats behind about being a good dad because he is selfish. I can live with that because our relationship without children is super and I like it that way. We have sought marriage counseling and even the counselor reiterated to him that it isn't my job to be a mom to his son and ultimately he is the one who has to step up and shoulder the bulk of the responsibility when we have his son. This problem has continued to be a world of problems for us and I just don't see it ending anytime soon. Oh well...just needed to vent for fathers day drama. I hope everyone else's day is going much smoother.