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Struggling to cope... Love hurts

RadiantRonnie's picture

I never expected, nor wanted Skids. Nor did I realise how horrendous it was going to be!
My Bf of 2 years has two boys aged 13 and 14, as well as a completely banchy BM. Although, my Bf had his children very young (surprises shall we say) and me being A LOT younger than him, there isn't much of an age gap between his children and myself which just makes things sooooo much worse!

My BF and his ex wife were together for a matter of months before she got pregnant, so my BF being the very moral man stayed with her, to try and give his children the start in life that he didnt have. He was about to leave her when she announced she was pregnant again and then felt he had to stay. There relationship was a very loveless and unhappy one, to the extent that things were so bad my BF had to leave his wife for his own sanity.

I love my BF. But I do not love his children, and I'm having a very hard time even trying to bond with them, partly due to there BM's hatred toward me, and her exceedingly influential standing over her children.
The BM is completely dependant on my BF still, as he was the earner and she lived and spent on his money. This has added extra strain in our relationship as him "keeping" her has limited our time together through him having to work harder and longer, let alone put a very strong financial strain on my very hard working BF.

At the moment I feel that I will never be able to accept his children, and that they, and there BM will always be hanging over us like a bad smell (horrible I know, but I cant help the way i feel). His children are stemming his desire to have any more children with me (despite him getting a vesectomy reversal to keep the options open- but successfullness of this is still pending). I wish i could love them, but like there mother they are so spoilt, indulged and needy, where as I am the opposite. I am too selfish, young and immature to have children at the moment, so I'm not happy about having 2 teenagers thrusted upon me, especially as I'm only a teenager myself!

My BF is always talking about going travelling if we are still together once I've graduated from university, where he will be finishing one company and having a break before starting his next business. But with his children, and the financial strain that will be over him and us for the next 5 years until there 18 I don't think its going to happen. Normally its the younger one that's a bit nieve but is it the other way around in this case?

I want him. Just me and him. As simple as that.I know that im young, but for the past 2 years no man ive met has compared to him. you cant help who you fall in love with unfortunately. I'm not really driven by money, and have little holding me down in one place. I have minimal baggage, but he has the amount to fill a double decker bus. When I mention my concerns and worries about this he just gets angry, or ignores me. I don't regret falling in love with him, but I feel guilty that i cant accept his children, or his past. I think life would be a better place if his children, nor his BM existed, or at least had a less high dependency level on his money and time. Its so draining.

Right, rant over. I needed to get that off my chest. Its not really the done thing to bitch about the Skids... It was such a relief to find this website and discover that many women have the same problems i have. It was like a bit of weight lifting off my shoulders!

*sigh* how can life get so complicated in such a short amount of time???

Comments

RadiantRonnie's picture

I am 20. yes I am working, and earning a very good wage for an undergraduate. I have quite a high work ethic and work very hard for my money. Which is probably another reason why I dislike the BM so much!

RadiantRonnie's picture

thank you for your advice, and I do know where you are coming from. One thing though, the thing you said about filling me with Bull Sh** . Back in the early days I met his ex, before he was my BF. And she had told me how unexpected both of the children were. I dont personally believe that he is lying to me, as we have a very honest relationship "with warts and all"

calm retreat's picture

I agree with stepdown. Move on. And I do believe we do have a choice who we fall in love with. If I had known the shit I was going to have to put up with I never would have considered dating a man with kids.

RadiantRonnie's picture

I've found in my experiences from this current situation and from friends, that despite the Skids being grown up, they will continue to play there parents off each other to get what they want, thus keeping both parents close for constant demands and requests.

constantly_irritated's picture

I agree with all these people who are telling you to leave. When I was 19 I dated an older man and he filled my head with all kinds of crap. It's okay, though, you just learn from it and move on. Older men like younger women because they are easier to control (even though it is hard on our egos to hear that). It will hurt, you will be sad, but you'll be amazed how free you can feel after a few months of independence. He will do a lot to try to keep you at his side, but if you REALLY stop, meditate, think, drink, whatever it takes, and assess the situation, you know in your heart your the one getting ripped off.

calm retreat's picture

All you have to do is read the posts on this site to understand one thing, for the most part being a SM sucks! Get out while you can, or you too will be here with a monkey for an avitar.

RadiantRonnie's picture

Lol, this comment made me smile Biggrin .

It is awful. So much stress for so little reward, and there not even your damn kids! And by looking at this site the fair majority of skids just so happen to be complete pains. And the BM's too.... It may sound harsh but Some of these women don't deserve to have children. I'm too young to be a SM so I'm not going to go be one. It sounds like hell on earth that no women should have to endure!!