Wow, I am really shocked by a lot of your comments. I am greatful for the kind ones. I am a mature 32 year old mother, step-mother, and soon to be grandmother. DH is 16 years older than me. My husband and I have been together for over 5 years and have had lots of good times and a few really bad times with his kids. I say his just to be clear, in my eyes they are mine and his, all four of them.
Growing up I was a SD to a wonderful man who raised me as his own child. I love that man more than I could ever express to him. He is my father, my dad, even if he isn't my bio father. I always wished growing up that I had his last name but my piece of shit bio dad wouldn't hear of it. My bond with my stepdad is stronger than the one I have with my mother, my real mom. She and my stepfather have been together since I was 8 and she and I have always been very close but for many reasons my dad and I are just closer. My kids know him as their grandfather, the only grandfather they have on my side. They know nothing of my bio father who I cut off contact with 12 years ago. My dad was in the delivery room 11 years ago when I gave birth to my son and I named my son after him, gave him his last name too. My dad cut the cord (my son's bio father deserted us when I was 4 months along). My dad was there in the delivery room 8 years ago when I gave birth to my daughter. Her dad cut that cord My daughter was named after my mom's aunt, my dad's favorite aunt, and my ex's mother. All of them had the same name so it worked out wonderfully.
So, how can anyone say not to get close to the stepkids child? My experience with being a SD has been so wonderful! I do NOT consider myself a stepchild. I am his daughter. He is closer to me than his own bio children, he will tell you that himself too. It sometimes drives my mom a little crazy because we are so close, I think she gets a little jealous. I also am very close to my sister (step). We are best friends, always there for each other. Step families are getting a bad rap from some of you. My parents and I made lemonade out of lemons. I am really blessed that my dad married my mom, I could never imagine my life without him. And no, I had my grandfather as a father figure before that so I wasn't just trying to have a daddy. Something about my dad and me just clicked.

After having such an awesome experience as a SD, I was not scared to become a SM. It hasn't always been easy but I love both of my SD's as if they were my own. We have a wonderful relationship, we go and do stuff together without their dad, we have family dinners once a month, we talk on the phone almost daily.
I am excited because you can't change the situation, you roll with the punches. I never wanted my kids, step or not, to have a child at 19. She will be 20 a month after the due date but still, I think it is too young. I was almost 22 when I had my first but I was way more mature and ready for children even though it wasn't planned. My SD19 is loving and open to suggestions and help, she will be fine. It takes a village to raise a baby, that is why I and DH are so involved. Our parents helped us, not always money wise (buying clothes here and there, helping by watching them when we worked), but in guidence, emotional support. I want to pass that to my SD, I want to be someone she knows she can count on when it comes to her child. What is so wrong with that?
My SD's BM is not a good person. She did not want custody nor did she see them much when she had visitation. She only recently, the last couple years, has had any real relationship with them, and I use the term real loosely. We know the BM will be there in the begining but when it cuts into her party time she will not be willing to help any longer. My SD's know that it doesn't matter, DH and I are always there.
I was upset when I found out but I never told her that because her first statement was that she was keeping it. Her bf does have a good job and is 22. He is mature and very attentive. I am impressed with how he is taking charge and all. His parents also will be no help and have limited involvment with the baby. They, his parents, have said so already. They have a granddaughter already and want no part of this grandson. I told them it was his parents loss and not to worry.

So, now, tell me how in the world should one react? A young child, one that you love, is having a child of her own. She doesn't live with you, is an adult, and has opted to keep it. You can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Nobody is going to help her. You wouldn't help? You would let the cycle continue? No, I don't think you would. I'm not. I will love this baby as I love her, like my own. What is so wrong with that?