how to cope...
a 171/2 year old step daughter who never smiles, does not help envies her older step sister and throws tantrums of ginormous proportions is ruining our lives. Our home is structured and loving and we debate at the dinner table. We encourage good manners and education. We have catered to this only child with the caveat she both appreciate and give back. The girl lacks empathy or caring and when she throws a fit she runs to mummy.
We confiscated her cell phone..her mother buys her a new one that day...we tell her to control her anger in our home and not
to destroy anything and she just gets worse. We indicate her
behaviour is unacceptable in society but her mother seems to encourage it ...saying we provoked her.
The last straw came recently and this time she swore at me...
her father has evicted her ...the damage was too great and she shows no respect for either her father or me...she gave
her father on fathers day the F word...and then vanadalised my car...
My husband is distraught..as he saw no alternative..the nother still does not get it and she thinks I evicted her daughter when in fact I did nothing of the sort..
as she is almost a woman there seems little hope and as
the therapist she is seeing for her rages indicated she did the right thing???? we can only conclude she is not telling the truth.
I have lived with tyranny and it has been unbeatable.
No one should have to live with so much aggression.
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Comments
Good grief! The idea that
Good grief! The idea that the therapist said she was doing the right thing...did that come to you by way of the therapist, or by way of your SD? I can't imagine a therapist supporting those things regardless of anything SD would've told them. It's just not acceptable.
I don't really have advice to offer, but I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that.
hard to know what she said to
hard to know what she said to the therapist her bio mum
reported this to her father...but we can only guess what she
actually said...the therapist we are talking to...said no parent shoud have to cosign for irresponsibility or aggression.
That showing her the door was right, and that the family BEGINS with the mum and dad in the home and both should be respected
equally...step parent or real one...thank you for the comments
so sorry that you are going
so sorry that you are going through this. I understand how you feel and it is not an easy position to be in. It is nice to hear that she is going to a therapist, I hope she continues.
So sorry to hear this has
So sorry to hear this has happened. She really needs to control herself . I feel without help, it might get worse. Praying for you .
thankyou for writing a reply
thankyou for writing a reply and for your sympathy..I need to be strong and help my husband cope with this but we cannot forget us in all this mess. We are a loving couple and we matter deeply to each other, that is important.
The fact that she cannot live with us does not mean we do not care...it means we are not willing to be bullied any more.
thank you for writing
thank you for writing comments I do appreciate it.
We are all struggling to do the right thing and as
a step mother everything we do is difficult..or we are
not heard. I feel like I am the white noise you get
when the old TV is not tuned in. I can talk but she
is not listening or caring.
One day she will look back and realise what she had
was really good, that I am was a caring person
who was always there for her and maybe even appreciate
all my hard work and being a SM to her.
who knows!
I had a similar problem with
I had a similar problem with my SD, actually almost exactly like yours down to calling "mommy". After tolerating her behavior for far too long, I put my foot down. I gave her the option of either not being rude, crude, and obnoxious or she could continue with the behavior, as long as she explained the "what and why" actions of her behavior, first!
For instance, if she came home and gave me a dirty look on her way to the "cave (her bedroom)" and treated everyone like dirt, she must first explain why she is doing the action and what triggered it. That was over two years ago, and she has never once not explained herself, plus she no longer mopes or causes trouble, well not as badly as before...lol. In fact, there have been many times that she will come home, moping, and before she goes to her room she always comes in to explain it. Many times I will tell her to set aside a certain time for her pity party and anger, then let it go and join the family. She has made an amazing change from two years ago. I think it is because I gave her the option of continuing the behavior as long as boundaries are in place and I do not get mad when she gives me the reasons, and there have been some doozies! This has also opened up our communication and now she won't stop talking; I have become her confidante in all matters.
Considering her hatefulness, destructiveness, and anger when she first moved in, this is a huge turn-around. It gives her some peace knowing that she can tell me exactly what is going through her mind without risking our relationship. We fight every now and then, but our fights actually help us bond more. I do my best to be fair with her, while not letting her walk all over me, even if this means apologizing for something hurtful that I may have said.
I do not know if this will help with your situation, especially considering your SD's age, but it might be worth thinking about. My SD was 13 at the time I began setting boundaries with her.