Yep.... You have read the subject line correctly..... My SS (16) has been caught with 8... yes 8 pairs of my underwear in his bedroom at our house..... I cannot even begin to explain the violation and disgust I feel..... It happened about a month ago and I'm just now starting to come to terms with the heinous act... Also, other personal items have been taken and/or gone missing, don't have evidence but it probably is him....I don't loose things.....

Background... SS is 14, very bizarre even on a good day on his on accord... No friends, lack of self motivation, lazy, overweight, body issues, eats in seclusion,  zero personality, doesn't speak, no joy, no connection with anyone. and blatant disrespect for our house rules..  Fairly certain he has a "personality disorder" and/or suffers from some depression of some sort.. Never formerly diagnosed, but went through a bit of counseling after the divorce. (Never engaged with the Dr. always played stupid and said the minium about his feelings...... I'm not a doctor but it doesn't take a brain surgeon to see this.. Even my husband seems to think there are issues going on. BM doesn't think anything is wrong...Says these things don't happen at her house. But the crux of the matter is she doesn't engage them so she really doesn't know whats really going on anyhow... Se is very self absorbed..

To circle back to the event.. BF found all the underwear in SS closet. (I don't enter the SS bedroom while he is present in our house for obvious reasons...) BF confronted SS and he said they were his BM's and he brought them over in is bag and they must have gotten in there in mixed up laundry etc.  

My husband showed me the underwear and they were obviously mine. Brought the SS back to the BM's house they re-confronted him with both parents present, still deny, deny, deny from SS... My husband even brought my underwear over in a bag (cringe) so the BM could see that they weren't hers... 30 minutes later after much intermigration. SS admitted he took them, but wouldn't and couldn't admit when he took them or why.... Totally clammed up , no empathy just resentment and only upset because he got caught.

For the next few weeks, SS refused to come over to face me and the music.. SS blatantly refused to come over-period. Mother didn't encourage or force him. (which would have been a good teaching moment for accountability, a good life lesson) He would lock himself in the bathroom when BF (my husband) would go over to pick him up... A month later, he showed up, after many phone calls from my husband encouraging him and trying to help him understand the gravity of the situation. My husband tried to encourage him and explain and help him to come up with an apology.. With with no avail.. SS was resentful and stated that he "didn't trust" his father _which is bullshit) !!!! Yes you are reading that correctly...... He actually tried to deflect the situation... Poor and ineffective....I saw right through his shit, All while BM wanted zero part of making the situation right..

A month later he finally came over and gave the MOST PAINFUL apology.. (I timed it...I was almost three minutes of just looking around the room, no eye contact, skirting around the situation, BS AND NOT EVEN AN I'M SORRY) I couldn't believe it. But there were tears B/C he was uncomfortable... I was awful. I blasted SS for such a shitty unempathtic apology. I felt bad for my husband because he is a great father, attentive, caring and loving.... 

So hear we are now.... Combo lock on my bedroom door, cameras in my closet and bedroom hallway.. SS has to give me money to repace the underwear because I'll be dammed if I put them on my body again..SS isn't allowed in our house without his father, If he is over for a visit and his father goes somewhere, SS goes with him.I don't want to be alone with SS AT ALL!!! I cant trust he wont make something up to get back at me.... His phone taken away for a while but that the only way he can communicate with his son (no one picks up the mothers landline and BM doesn't call back or text back in a timely manner.. And I want him to go to a therapist.. 

Truthfully, my husband has done everything I have wanted (to a point) but I still feel violated and uncomfortable in my our home with SS here for sleepovers .

What advise can you give me?? I'm really struggling..