Siding with BM?!
I know how bad it sounds!
Heres the situation SO and BM2 broke up. To avoid any "confrontation" SO went without contacting or seeing his kids for almost two years. We have been having somewhat consistent every other weekend visits with them for over a year now. They have adjusted WONDERFULLY! BM2 has been courteous to me and flexible with the whole situation. There is no court order in place just a verbal agreement that SO is to have them every other weekend. I will be the first to admit my SO is a flake. Well, he flaked out on her again this weekend(had had a pretty legit reason) but still this is pretty common. This time BM had enough. She went off on him and told him all shes asking is consistency, and he needs to take care of his responsibilities. He FLIPPED a lid and started with the F you's and I don't care if you take them away again and you're a b***h. I thought it was pretty harsh. Plus when he backs out it crushes the kids. I could care less if her plans are blown, bottom line: it breaks my SS5 and SD3's hearts. I think he should either A. figure out how he can work his schedule around them or B. I am willing to help him pick up the slack and help him with pick ups and drops offs ect. He doesn't want to do that anymore either (Ummm hello since when have you had a problem with me taking care of your kids instead of you?) I think he just wants to "stick it" to BM for breaking up with him because he CAN NOT stop bringing it up.
Thennnn... FF to about 12 hours later. BM1 of SD11 (the bane of my exsistence) confronted him at work. She has not seen SD11 in a few months because shes pretty much a POS parent. Well, she told him "her life is back in order and shes ready to be a mom again". She got the same, F you you're a b f off. Then he tells me he is done catering to them and hes going to see them both in court. I've been begging him to take BM1 to court since I met him. His little verbal agreements do nothing. With BM1 they need a strict visitation schedule. For the last over 2 years I have been almost single handedly raising SD11. As hard as I have tried to disengage, refuse to help, ect. Here we are.
SD11 has been peeing herself as usual all week but I've somewhat disengaged when it comes to stuff like that and especially when it comes to bringing stuff up to SO. Well, I bring it up today because he was going on about her "dry week." Ha ha ha no dear, she has indeed been a little pisspot this week as any other. Well, at first he get furious at me for not letting him know and he can't do this on his own and he needs me to tell him about stuff like that ect. I'm sorry but this girl pees herself on a daily basis like hell you "had no idea" So I stupidly apologize and agree to let him know stuff. Heres the catch though, then he starts defending her like always and he thought I was confused about the day or if it was maybe last week. I will simply ask him a question and he will flip at me for picking on her, so yeah right do I really want to help him "keep an eye out." I tell him this and he's in deny, deny, deny mode. In his mind he is never defensive of her. I guess shes not his brilliant, most beautiful, baby girl.
I just don't know what to do. I have no respect for him right now. I'm seriously pissed off at him over both the BM situations. Because with BM1 like it or not shes the mom. He cant change that now because he sees a better option. He chose to procreate with her, shes not absent, disabled, on drugs, an alcoholic. Yeah shes not me, cuz lets face it I'm almost super mom 
I think thats why BM2 and I get on so great. She is a MOM, she asks us to take the kids every other weekend. Thats it. Shes respectful of me to the point that she demands her kids treat me and my home correctly and gives them permission to love me. She even goes so far as to only have my number and contact information so as not to make me feel like shes going behind my back. I know I have a BM sent from heaven here.
Sorry this got REALLLLLLY long for those of you who made it this far. What do I do? Do I stay out of it, do I keep talking to him and get him to work stuff out with them, BM2 has been trying to talk to me: bad idea? I love my SS5 and SD3 and I miss them and I don't want to go forever without seeing them. One side of me says SO has his head up his arse I will do what I want to do for my family, the other side says STAY OUT OF IT.
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Comments
Well, it is nice that you
Well, it is nice that you realize that with the BMs its not all the BMs faults and that your BF can be a dick for spite and that is shitty that he is dumping his kids just to stick it to BM2 because she doesn't want him.
In the end, it is his life and his kids, and it is up to him whether to be a POS parent -to the SD11 living there that he is glossing over the self-urinating as well as the two he doesn't care to see when not convenient for him.
My suggestion is look really long and hard at this situation, and think if you want to be one of his BMs in a couple years or not. The way he is treating you now is pretty crappy already. The way he treats his kids BMs is indicative of how he will treat you if/when you have kids with him.
There has to be something underlying with the 11 year old urinating. That is such a red flag for molestation situations. I am NOT saying anything happened with your SD11, I don't know her, I am just making that note that it is something we were told in DCS case management and CPS worker to watch out for kids over 3 urinating in the bed or in their pants and to take a closer look if we came across that.
I haven't read your previous blogs, but I guess you have exausted all medical evaluations and are taking her to counseling?
One thing is I pee myself a lot. If I cough, sneeze, or laugh, I will do anything from a spot to a full on wetting. Its so embarrassing, but I can't help it. When I throw up, the retching makes me full-out void my whole bladder all down the floor.
Is it FULL pissing like puddling the floor through the underwear or is she leaking like can't hold it or maybe wetting when she sneezes and such.
I know this wasn't about that in particular, just caught my notice since that happens to me. I can try to hold it, but if I have urine in there and don't go fast enough, it can start leaking like my urethral sphincter isn't strong enough or something any more.
I used to know a girl that had plastic on her bed and wore depends because she could not control her bladder. She went to the Dr. And they said "nothing wrong", but the girl told me as much as her mom would get mad and take stuff away or promise a reward for not pissing the bed, she simply couldn't control it. She tried hiding her pants from her mom, made her room stink like urine bad.
Anyway, sorry you're going through that with your guy. I hope he grows up for the sake of those kids and for you.
We do have a baby girl
We do have a baby girl together. That's the main reason I'm here still. Things were great before I had baby and we moved inn together, then I got to see who he really is.
SD11, we have and are doing EVERYTHING we can. Shes in counseling, shes been to a couple different drs in hopes of getting an answer. I honestly don't care about the peeing, I more care about the lying and the rewards for lying. I'm not going to give special treats for a "dry" week when if she honest it will be business as usual.
The wetting can be light to full complete bladder release. One counselor thought it might be part of reverting to baby like habits. As when I came into the picture it got much much worse, and he put her in diapers which she loved and begged to wear. Theres a lot lot to thus story. And CPS has even been involved at times to make sure things were ok. The wetting has been a big concern for everyone involved.
I know you are right. And I
I know you are right. And I have several contingency plans. Trust me, I know I should leave. It's hard you get your head and heart on the same level sometimes. I'm totally independent, if anything I support him more than he sports me. So I don't "need" him. I adhere with you and I'm not going make excuses for him. I wish with my while heart that he would grow up. But I won't hold my breath.