Akk, my kid is turning into one of "those" kids
Help! I feel like my formerly sweet (most of the time) mannerly, respectful kid is turning into a ROTTEN teenager, the kind you just HATE!
It's not an overnight transformation, it's been creeping up, and I'm doing what I believe I can to set her straight, but damn, she's got a hard head and isn't learning lessons.
we had a blow-up last night, she told my husband (her step-dad) to shut up and when I told her "there's reprocussions for language like that" her answer was...
"ooh, I'm scared!"
I think it took every ounce of my being to not crack her one!
New Schedule: Shower by 8pm, lights out 9pm
Computer is now entirely off limits
Weekend cell phone use, gone
I took the TV out of her room
(I know what you're all thinking, she's 13 and she's got all this?) well, yeah. she does have access to the lap-top and she has a cell phone that she can have for weekends and when she goes with her Dad...
TV in the room...I don't think is a big deal, but now it's gone
Next step? I don't know! What am I gonna do if this keeps up?
My husband says to take the door off the hinges (she shuts the door, plays music and "can't hear" (i.e. ignores) us when we call her for dinner, or anything)
He also says to get her to the hair dresser and get the red streak out of her hair... (told her as long as she stays on honor roll, she could have the red streak)
HELP!
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I'm sorry, I had to laugh
I'm sorry, I had to laugh reading this. I never believed the whole "alien invasion of the bodysnatchers" thing with teens until I lived it.
For the record, ages 13-14 have been the WORST with all of mine.
How do they go from being cute, loving, wonderful little munchkins to attitude-filled brats?
I think you've done well with the consequences. I would not take the door of the hinges, as I think privacy with a 13 year old girl is important. Also, if she is remaining on honor roll, she should keep the red streak. That was the agreement that was made with her, and both sides should honor that agreement.
My best advice going into the teen years.... When it first rears its head, lock it down hard and fast. (It sounds like you did.) Of course, you could go one step further and restrict weekday cell phone usuage to just your number for the next week or son. }:)
I love the red streak in her
I love the red streak in her hair too!
she's a smart kid who has been just pushing boundaries beyond belief right now...
My husband is really starting to hate her… okay not “hate” but REALLY dislike her
(can’t say I blame him, she’s pissing me off pretty badly too)
Oh and she only gets the cell phone on the weekends or when she's w/ her Dad, so basically, she's got all cell phone usage taken away
I want her to 'earn' her things back, but I don't know what is appropriate to say 'if you _________ for X amount of time, you can have it back"
I would suggest a flat time
I would suggest a flat time period. You know, she lost these things for two weeks. IF she acts up in the interim, then it can get extended.
While I can appreciate the idea of earning things back, it doesn't work quite the way we think it should.
(When people go to jail, it's a set time limit. They can earn time off for good behavior, but they aren't in jail indefinitely until they change.)
It could lead your DD to feeling like she has no way out. She may think that she is doing things the way she should but still doesn't earn her stuff back.
I'd go with grounding for a time period.
see why is it women can take
see why is it women can take a bull by the horn but a man cant? immediatly when she spoke to YOUR DH like that YOU took action...ok sorry just an observation and off topic..
13 I have two wonderful, great girls DD13's twins. They are testing their boundries. I believe if we are consistant in our messages as mothers that this type of behavior will not be tolerated and has consquences, our kids will be fine.
It is when there are no rules or boundries and no consquences that this behavior grows like cancer...I know I look at SD16 and always think, my god I hope my DD's arent like this at my ex's or to their SM. But then again, they know that this type of disrespect would never be tolerate by me even in reference to their SM.
I don't know why, I always
I don't know why, I always step in, it's just what I do... I kinda feel like "it's my kid" and I take over
of course, I get to hear about how HIS daughter never acted up like this (eyeroll)
probably true, but every kid is different, and his asshole 27 year old son still lives at home, so his kids aren't ALL perfect!
}:(
I have a DD14. For the most
I have a DD14. For the most part she is very respectful and polite to everyone she comes into contact with. With that being said... she has pushed the envelope a couple of times and I did the same thing(s) you did and put the ka-bosh on it quickly. We have had our words once in a while because although she is 14, she is way beyond her years (meaning intelligent; she has no desire to have a "boyfriend", has never been horribly fashion conscious; is more interested in starting to take college courses). We gear up, we lock horns, then we're OK again.
@@ whatwasithinkin -- I agree with your sentiments EXACTLY about moms/kids and dads/stepkids. What IS that all about??!!??
Oh, and as a side note: a
Oh, and as a side note: a long time ago I told my DD14 that I didn't expect her to like me from about the age of 12 until she was in her 20's because I wasn't here to be liked, I was here to be her parent, guide her, and get her ready for adulthood, none of which were easy.
I still remind her of this, and every single time she says "Mom, I love you! I know I'm not easy to deal with sometimes but I'm glad you're my mom! I don't know of anyone else who's mom will sit thru dinner and discuss politics or literature with them like you and I do."
.... i love my girl....
So what do all of the
So what do all of the seasoned parents suggest in this common situation here on Stalk?
My FDH has FSS13 and FSD10. All of this behavior is starting to rear its ugly head in FSS13. But FDH doesn't discipline FSS for ANYTHING EVER because he "feels bad" that FSS doesn't like living with BM (gee because it isn't DisneyLand at her house perhaps?)
So there will be no cutting that behavior off when it happens. Yes, FDH might yell at the kid but that is it. And FSS has learned that all he has to get through is the yelling. Once it is over, he won't lose any of his "toys" and won't be kept from doing anything he wants to do.
An easier way to deal with
An easier way to deal with the "turning up the music and ignoring" you issue is just flip the circuit breaker to her room. I only had to do it once to my BD to get my point across!
Duly noted, Justshootme!
Duly noted, Justshootme!