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SS2 sharing a bedroom with us?

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 6:09am

Just wondering what you all thought of this?

At the moment SO has SS2 7 days and 4 nights a fortnight as he doesn't work. However, I have just been offered a really good job which means we're going to move further away and SO has decided he wants to go back to college to get his qualifications - we're both only 21. So we're wondering whether or not to get a two bedroom or one bedroom. SO and BM have sorted out a new rota and he is only going to be having SS2 every other weekend so basically two nights a month. Is there any point paying an extra £100-150 a month for two nights a month? We're only going to be in this place for a year (long story) and after that we'll look for a two bedroom.

I've spoken to my parents about it and they've said sometimes when they go on holiday they share a bedroom with DS6 and if for whatever reason he was going somewhere every other weekend, they wouldn't have a problem with him sharing. What do you think? If there are any bio parents reading this, how would you feel if your child had to do that?

Thanks Smile

Comments

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 7:06am

We were thinking of just having his toddler bed in with us and either sleeping in there with him or us sleeping in the living room whilst he's there so he still gets his own space. Up until a few months ago, BM was still living with her mum and dad so he was in with her in a travel cot.

StarStuff's picture

Submitted by StarStuff on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 6:52am

Well, if he's only going to be there every other weekend, why don't yall just let him sleep on the couch? He's small, so a couch is plenty of room for him. I wouldn't want a kid in my bedroom IMHO.

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 7:06am

I'm not quite sure whether you're being serious or taking the p*ss...

Quite obviously we weren't going to let him sleep on the settee!

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 9:00am

I'm sorry I genuinely thought you were taking the p*ss. I thougt most people would think it's a bad idea.

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 9:03am

No but we're only there for a year. No chance is he sleeping in our room as he gets older lol

Regular basis - that's just it, it's only twice a month. I'm certainly not keen but I begrudge spending an extra £100 for two nights a month.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 8:11am

My BS sleeps on the couch at his dad's its not even a pull out and he's 10 now by the co he's supposed to have a bed but I don't make a fit over it cause at the moment he doesn't mind. So no sleeping on a couch is an option

discfocused's picture

Submitted by discfocused on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 8:32am

The couch, yes..... Your room... Absolutely NOT... Not unless its both your biological kid.

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 9:23am

Neither just the thought of SS being in living room never entered our minds. Thought it was our only other option to getting a 2 bedroon tbh

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 9:28am

Well SO doesn't have much option but to get a job and subsequently drop the time he sees SS as he can't afford / get childcare nor would BM let him when she only works part time. The reason I say this is either he comes with me and I am NOT paying for everything whilst he sits on his arse all day or he stays here and needs to get a job to fund his current place.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 9:34am

He's a father. Not having a job should never be an option.

There's no reason why he can't work and go to school.

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 9:38am

He can... But BM won't let him stick to the same rota when he's working. From her pov (and I agree) theres no point putting him in childcare when he can be with his mother. She'll only actually LET him have him 2 nights a month when he gets a job.

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 10:00am

What judge? They sort it out between them.
And this isn't about whether or not SO has a job, it's about our new place...

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 10:06am

If he handled things through the courts, he takes away the power that BM has. Right now she has the final say about how often he can see their chiild.

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 10:11am

But there's not much point going through courts if they agree with things in the end.

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 10:18am

Well, yes and no. If they can get a court order now by using a mediator, it would be good to have the legal backing for when they can't agree on things in the end. If she gets mad at him and decides she just doesn't feel like letting him see the kid, it could be months before he gets it sorted out and isn't seeing his kid the whole time. Getting a CO doesn't have to be a bad thing, it can just be to formalize things so everyone knows what to expect.

BTW, if it's only a year and eowe, don't pay for a two bedroom. Whether the kid has a bed in your room or sleeps on the couch, whatever, he's 2, he's not going to remember by the time he's 7 and neither one will scar him. As long as the BM isn't going to have a fit (because they often think different rules apply to them) then don't bother to pay for extra, typically unused space it sounds like you can't really afford.

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 10:27am

Using a mediator? I thought a mediator just sat down with you and discussed things?

I do sort if agree with you but at the same time neither of them will listen when I suggest it so I'd be wasting my time saying it.

Thanks Aeron Smile we'll look into the whole 1 bedroom vs 2 bedroom as it really depends on the price. Seeing a few on friday so will see how it goes Smile

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 10:50am

Yes, they do but if you do it with a mediator you can often escape the expense of a lawyer and just get the judge to sign the agreement and poof, court order that hopefully everyone's happy about. At least it can work that way in the US when everyone's being a sane adult...

youngstepmumtobe's picture

Submitted by youngstepmumtobe on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 11:00am

Oh I didn't know that. Definitely worth looking into, thanks.

haha lol - that's half the problem with custody - most of the time the parents aren't "sane adults" - I know that certainly isn't the case when it comes to my friend's custody battle!

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 12:17pm

One thing to think about ... if this was BMs suggestion for her new boyfriend (because you are not legally married) what would your SO think? Would he be happy with the set-up? His son sleeping on a couch for an entire year? My thought is (as a mother of 4) WTH will the little mite get into in theliving room while you are sleeping? He wakes up early and decides to do something '2 yr oldish' and the next thing is a fire in the kitchen or a flood in the toilet or a chair through the TV.
I don't trust kids as far as I can throw them!

A toddler bed in your room may help or a camp stretcher bed. Or get a flat with a VERY small 2nd room (office perhaps?) and SO can use it for school work and move his stuff aside when his BS visits.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 3:50pm

Haven't read the other comments, but here's my two cents.

You start off with the kid in your room and there's a chance he'll stay there. Think about it. At 2 years old he'll be used to not sleeping alone at "dads house". Then later when you try to break him of it, dad will say no we should just let him stay because he's scared and I never see him.

He can sleep on the couch. There's nothing wrong with that. My friend's children still do that at their dad's house and they are older. He only see's them 4 days a month, no point in making a whole room

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Sun, 05/27/2012 - 7:15pm

My DD slept in her dads room for quite sometime. As a BM I wasn't to happy with that, but knew there wasn't anything I could do about it.

I think SS sleeping in your room sounds financially the best. It will depend on how you get along with the BM.

I would also ask DH, if it was BM and her BF sleeping in the same room would DH be ok with it.

You are talking one year, 24 nights. Sounds like its doable.

3rdWife's picture

Submitted by 3rdWife on Mon, 05/28/2012 - 2:02pm

When I was in a similar situation, we got a 1 bdrm apartment with a walk-in closet, and put a camp cot in the closet. My then 2 yr old SD slept in there. We had short items hung on one side and long on the other, and her little cot was under the short things. We had a little bedside lamp in there too. She was separated from us by a folding door, but still within our "area of influence" so couldn't get into mischief. When she was not there, we folded up the cot and tucked it in the corner. Served the purpose of a 2 bedroom, without the expense. Might this be an option for you?