Would you do it again / would you want this for your child?
So I'm confused about whether or not I should stay in this relationship.
I'm 21 and at present living with a 21 year old who has a 2 year old son. BM is a complete psycho who doesn't accept me being a part of their lives at all. As much as I love him and SS, I feel like I can't deal with this. When I have a child, I want it to be my OH's first too. When I come home from uni, I want to be able to enjoy our time, not with SS. That's the other thing, I'm in university. I'm just about to start a year in work at the same time as completing some distance learning modules which basically now means I'm in work 8 hours a day monday to friday and then when I get home I have to do 3/4hrs of uni work most nights, I can't handle a 2 year old being around on the weekend as well.
But it hurts so much to think I'll never see either of them anymore. I feel so confused about it all 
If you had your time again, would you stay with your man? Would you get with someone else who had kids and would you be okay with your daughter / son being in this situation?
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you should know that alot of
you should know that alot of us on this board are gonna say...
"your young, don't tie yourself down with someone with a kid."
"run for the hills"
and much more creative advice.
My two cents, live your life. don't mix up with someone who has kids right now. Gosh, there are so many men your age that don't have kids.
"but it hurts so much to think I'll never see either of them anymore."
that's cause you still care about them. You are in a relationship, you are a good person, of course it is gonna hurt you are breaking up or won't see them. if you didn't care about them it wouldn't hurt so much.
youngstepmum, i had bd17
youngstepmum, i had bd17 right before i turned 17. i'm not 34 and still taking classes. i've been doing this off and on for years. it's not easy to get it done when you have to work full time and raise a baby. it's hard enough to succeed in schooling when you're young and have a child of your own. don't make it harder on yourself for someone else's kid.
i think you should just worry about getting done with school first, then worry about a relationship. relationships complicate everything. especially with a kid involved. and the kid not being yours, that's just one more thing to make it harder. don't do something that you will regret 10 years from now.
I don't think that's an
I don't think that's an option really. I will be working 8hrs a day and when I get home still have another 3-4hrs work. He has SS at least every other weekend which then leaves us like four days a month to see each other. I really don't think that would work.
That's exactly my thinking
That's exactly my thinking with regard to the uni issue. He just doesn't get that though. He says all I think about is uni and I'm selfish. But I think well at the end of the day, I am in uni, it's not going to be forever. And if that means focussing on it for the next two years then so be it.
Your last comment is so true and I never looked at it that way. I think I know deep down what I need to do. I have told him now that I don't, or rather Can't be with him. It didn't go down too well and it's so hard him reacting the way he has. But I just need to stay strong.
Thank you.
Thanks everyone. Hugely off
Thanks everyone.
Hugely off topic now as this isn't really about step kids sorry. How do you end it with someone who you still care about? I really do care about what's going to happen to him now, what's going to happen to SS. I do have feelings for them but I know I can't handle this
But then I'm scared of making the wrong decision now, scared that I may regret leaving them. How do you know? How do you know when it is the right thing to do?
Sorry to go off topic
I think I know deep down what
I think I know deep down what I need to do. I have told him now that I don't, or rather Can't be with him. I said that I can't handle working so much AND having a child to essentially look after. It didn't go down too well and it's so hard him reacting the way he has. He's said that SS isn't there all the time and if I loved him I'd work through things. Whilst I care, I can't do this any more, it's just not feasible at this point in my life. It's sad and I just need to stay strong.
Thank you all for being there.
Really? Gosh I'm really
Really? Gosh I'm really showing my age here being so naive about such things...
He's using that line to
He's using that line to control you.
The next time he pulls that card just tell him. "I love you, but I love myself more."
There's nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
Even if it hurts to do it and
Even if it hurts to do it and means he's left with no one?
I know... It's just his
I know... It's just his family are cr*p - he can never ever turn to them. and he has no friends...
I know you're all right. It's not the only thing up in the air at the moment and there's a lot more to it than just his son but at the same time I know you are all right.
Sorry.
That this man is calling you
That this man is calling you selfish for pursuing a career is very wrong. he dosn't want what is good for you. get out now.
cant help thinking that his family are unapproachable to him for reasons that they can not share with you. be carefull about what extremes he might go to, when he realises that it is over. please take care of yourself.