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A little irritated!

purpledaisies's picture

As most know we are going to disney in July, we decided that this is all the kids bday presents for the year. So we told all the kids this and low and behold ss16 is the only one with a problem! He said he will just stay home then. Fine with me but then dh said if you stay you are only getting a 60 dollar present then! WTF! :jawdrop: HELL NO! I told dh that this IS his present and he is turning it down so NO we will NOT be getting him anything!

I was freaking mad at dh! I mean really?? :? GGRRR

Oh and I forgot to mention that I already made his shirts and epcot passport and stuff I will NOT be happy if he turns this down why b/c he is pissed that this is his bday present!

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

Let him stay home. Take the $$$$ that you would have been spent on him, and enhance the trip. Stay an extra night, book the dining plan, book a fireworks cruise, book the Wishes Dessert Party, add hoppers and/or water parks to your tickets....

AliceP's picture

I recommend either way you do the meal plan it worked out really well for us cause it is EXPENSIVE to eat and buying ahead of time is a little cheaper and you also don't have such a heart attack when it costs over $40 for hotdags for everyone. lol

Stuck33's picture

WOW! What lucky kids! I've never been able to go to Disney!! Do they realize just how damn lucky they are?
I don't blame you for being pissed! A $60 birthday gift?? Damn! That seems generous to me (I wouldn't spend that much on SD), but I am in line with you on this one. Letting him opt out and get rewarded for it in the end will just inflate his sense of entitlement. Chances are he would have a blast but he is being a stupid teenager about it, possibly thinking he's too old for Disney. I certainly hope he isn't going to stay home alone while you guys are gone....that's an even bigger reward. Have his most dreaded family member watch him!

purpledaisies's picture

NO it is NOT mean! He is going to disney and very pricey gift and if I was that age I most certainly would have taken it and been the happiest person ever! They all are getting disney for their bdays so we are not jsut singling one kid out! sheesh taking a kid to disney for their bday is not mean!

AliceP's picture

She can't be serious that you are being "mean" I guess we should cater to what ever the little prince wants since what's good enough for everyone else isn't good enough for him. puleeeeez!!

purpledaisies's picture

Yeah I know right?? Sheesh! this will cost almost a grand for each person and by the end of it will probably be over a grand a piece but yeah not good enough huh just b/c he won't get anything ON his actually bday! *Rolling my eyes* He is STILL getting a present just not on the day of. Nothing wrong with that as we all don;t always get a present on the day of.

Disneyfan's picture

Oh, for his birthday give him a card and a cake made from a mix.

Don't allow him to flip flop on his CHOICE not to go on the trip.

purpledaisies's picture

I was thinking the same thing! What upset me was that dh said he would still get him a present!Really why??? That is what pisses me off b/c ss16 is just pissy b/c he won;t get anything else and he thinks if he stays home he will get one and he was right b/c dh said so!

I told dh later NO way are we doing that b/c he is getting just want he wants! If he chooses to not take his bday present (disney) then he gets nothing! what happened to be grateful for what someone gives you and instead of trying being a spoiled brat!

Delilah's picture

I dont think Disney is typically for younger kids, yes there are things there geared for young children however there is PLENTY of things for older kids too. Rollercoasters and rides young kids wouldnt be able to go on. PLUS at 16 he would be aware how much money disney would cost VS a $60 gift, so actually therefore shouldnt he know better than to react like he has? i.e. ungrateful?

At the risk of being called old fashioned I think its appalling how some children are enabled to BE ungrateful and ungracious when receiving expensive gifts. Did I ever receive gifts that I wasnt necessarily thrilled with, even when the gift giver thought I would love it? Yes. In fact sometimes that has happened recently, however does that mean you rudely dismiss that gift and throw a tantrum/sulk? No. I was taught to be gracious in receiving them and thank the recipient for their effort and thought having gone into that gift.

I certainly wouldnt be given an alternative and my birthday would have been low key as a result of my attitude - as no way would I be rewarded for kicking my parents in the teeth!

Bloody hell I would have LOVED to have gone to Disney at 16! Appreciate that not all teens will feel the same, but he could at least appreciate the thought and concentrate on the positives (as my mother would point out, not all is gloom and doom). I think for me its not that he doesnt really want to go to disney that would have annoyed me (its disappointing yes, however he has a right to his own opinion and perhaps he had something else in mind what he wanted for his birthday but I dont even always get what I want - thats life), its how he received his gift and his response which is awful.

Agree with you on what you have said to your DH. He wouldnt be getting anything. Does your DH agree with you? Hope so. Frighten him into submission Blum 3

purpledaisies's picture

Delilah yes dh agreed with me when I put it to him that ss16 is refusing his gift and shouldn't get something else just b/c he didn't like the first one. I mean who the heck does that? I now I have received my fair share of gifts that I wasn't really into but i NEVER made them feel bad or that I was ungrateful for their efforts. That is life and he should be taught that. Just like when my dd didn't like the car I bought her so I sold it and kept them money and she got nothing. Taught her a lesson.

Dh said he talked to him but i don;t know i was at work but he seems to think ss16 will change his mind. Whatever that was not the point. the point was/is that ss16 was being a spoiled brat.

purpledaisies's picture

HRNYC I do NOT appreciate that you are trying to make me look like an evil step mom when I had NO control over what ss16 does or dh for that matter! And for you insinuating that I don;t want to take my skids but will take my own, I never said that. Ss16 was going and wanted to go and I was fine with that til he found out it was a bday present. Ss16 changed his mind when he found out it was his bday present instead of getting something on top of that. Plus ss16 doesn't know and neither do any of the others that they will be getting 100 bucks to spend. So really I'm not as evil as you think!

Plus you don;t really know anything about me b/c if you did you would know that I have older kids and not younger kids so there is no taking my bio younger kids and leave skids at home. If you are going to throw accusations around you might want to at least KNOW the persons history and how old their kids are and how many there are BEFORE you accuse.

purpledaisies's picture

what the heck?? He is was all for going til he found out it was his bday present! PLEASE?? what ever. The other kids don;t have a problem and yep there are 2 older ones too so not just him as a teen and I never said we will leave him it was HIS idea not to go! So do NOT sit here and tell me that I am an evil step mom by not taking him to disney it was the skids idea. But what ever blame the step mom it is always our fault! Plus it was HIS DADS idea for it to be their bday presents not mine I just thought it was a good idea given how much money it is but of course blame the step mom yet again! :sick:

Still Have Hope's picture

Gifts are just that gifts. Graciously accept or keep your mouth shut. Since when do kids get a say in what their birthday gifts are. My 22 year old skid just told her grandparents she would not be cashing their birthday check because it wasn't large enough to warrant a trip to the bank. I am so embarrassed for DH.
Why would anyone ever think it is okay to say, I don't want your gift but give me this instead. You are right Purpledaisies. Your SS should not get another gift after rejecting the original.

hismineandours's picture

It sounds to me as if he is ok going-he just wants an additional present as well. He is trying to maximize his benefits from you all. I would definitely not give in and get the gift-a nice vacation anywhere is an awesome gift and somethng he should be grateful for. A gift-is just that-kids nor adults should not be able to dictate what someone wants to give them-it is rude and entitled. As another poster suggested-I would make him a cake, give him a card, and maybe make his favorite meal to at least recongize him on his bday, but I'd leave it at that. My guess, however, is that when he realizes that you dont intend to give him anything-he will decide Disney sounds pretty cool.

hismineandours's picture

It sounds to me as if he is ok going-he just wants an additional present as well. He is trying to maximize his benefits from you all. I would definitely not give in and get the gift-a nice vacation anywhere is an awesome gift and somethng he should be grateful for. A gift-is just that-kids nor adults should not be able to dictate what someone wants to give them-it is rude and entitled. As another poster suggested-I would make him a cake, give him a card, and maybe make his favorite meal to at least recongize him on his bday, but I'd leave it at that. My guess, however, is that when he realizes that you dont intend to give him anything-he will decide Disney sounds pretty cool.

hismineandours's picture

Wow this is a slippery slope. IMO a kid should never have a right to refuse any gift from a parent. Nor should anyone refuse a gift period. Its rude. What would you be teaching this child? IF he doent want to go then thats fine. His loss-your gain with more money in the pocket. But, on principle, I would not be purchasing him another gift. You dont go to your children and ask them if its ok if you get them xyz gift. At least that's not the way it works in my household. I am willing to take their desires into consideration but ultimately it is the adults who make the decision about what kind of gift they want to purchase.

beyond pissed-off's picture

Completely understand where you are coming rom Purpledaisies. Who the hell do these skids think they are???? I can easily see mine doing exactly the same thing. It has only been recently that my FH has understood my thoughts regarding their gifts and things have changed. For Christmas and birthdays they used to give him "lists" and he and BM would literally fill them like they were processing an order! It was unreal. I finally convinced him that Christmas lists were meant to be SUGGESTIONS. However, the first year that the skids did not get their "order" filled they were not happy. Not exactly angry - more just like....annoyed and ..... confused. That is how entitled they are.

purpledaisies's picture

Well dh came up with the idea a week ago about it being their bday gifts considering how much it was costing us. I agreed. So the answer to that question is no he did not know it would be his bday gift at first. But you are right about dh making the decision by himself that since ss16 didn;t want disney for his bday and he would stay home then we wold get ss16 a 60 dollar item without talking to me first. That was what made me the most upset about.

i understand where you are coming from in the fact that ss16 nor did any of the kids for that matter that this would be their bday presents til a week ago but ss16 is the only one that has a problem. Besides I thought we are the adults AND parents get to make that choice not the kids. I can understand his disappointment as well if he had something else in mind. But to throw it back in our faces by saying fine i'll stay home then?? No I can;t understand that one. then dh going behind my back and telling him he can still have a bday gift after he throw the EXPENSIVE gift back in our faces just to make ss16 happy?? NO that was NOT cool and never will be!

Instead of dh talking to him to see how he feels and why he just rewarded his brattiness!

Oh and the shirts and stuff I have made I can't get money back on that as they are made already.

purpledaisies's picture

Redfizz that wasn't the issue it more of him thinking he should get another gift and dh telling him he can. I don;t care if he goes or not but to expect something else b/c disney is not good enough was my problem and for dh to give him another gift.

purpledaisies's picture

It's ok don;t worry about it. If he goes he won't be one of those pouty teens so i;m not worried about that. I was just mainly upset that he expected that if he refused disney that he got something else and dh told him he could.

i was really upset that dh didn't talk to him about why or anything but just said ok then you can still have a gift if you stay.

purpledaisies's picture

Again it was my dh's idea for this to be their bday gifts and I think we as the adults and his parents have that right to decide what we get them for their bdays. And again I said that I understand his disappointment but to throw it back in our faces and manipulate his dad with "fine I'll just stay" is wrong and the issue I was having with this along with dh falling right into his hands by saying "ok that's fine but we will still get you a gift". Nope we choose to give this as a their bday gifts and we can if we want. Sure it was a little after the fact but why is not understandable only with ss16? The other kids are all very happy about it and said thank you.

purpledaisies's picture

Kay did you not see where we will be giving them 100 bucks a piece? I am doing everything I can to make this as special for each one as I can too. I really don;t think anyone should feel tricked as this is a HUGE event and deal as this is the biggest trip that we have ever taken and we are the only ones we know that will take this big of a trip. Not only are we going to disney but we are also going to the beach for 2 days.