Help please! O/T attention teachers or those good with English

would you please proof my paper? Thanks! Hubby says if i get an "A" I get a suprise

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In Alina Tugend’s report “multitasking Can Make You Lose… Um… Focus” Tugend talks about texting

and driving being a problem. Not only is it a problem while driving, It is also a problem while doing a

multitude of other activities. Texting and driving has become such a big problem most of the United States

are making laws against texting and driving. In over thirty five states texting and driving is a ticket worthy

offense. With accidents on the rise from texting and driving states are having to put more and more laws

into effect. Not only are people paying less attention to their surroundings, but putting themselves and

others in danger for some text message. Problems with texting don’t end with the vehicle, they can

happen while doing other tasks such as walking. According to emergency room physicians, there is a rise

in injuries and deaths due to walking and texting. Walking and texting causes all sorts of problems, from

car accidents to just walking into someone, people just aren’t paying attention anymore with the rise of cell

phones. The classroom is becoming the next victim of texting, causing students to do less than there

best. One project documents that texting during a class leads to, on average, a twenty seven percent loss

of information. With a twenty seven percent loss, in every class, students will not be getting great grades

while texting. Texting while doing another task can not only lower your grade, but can also cause

accidents that lead to serious injury or death. It would be wise to make sure you are not doing anything

else the next time that you check a text message, you just might get a better grade or possibly save your

life.

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Comments

At first very quick glance,

At first very quick glance, you need to change "texting and driving" to "texting while driving."

The "and" in there makes it harder to read.

Multitasking should be

Multitasking should be capitalized in the opening sentence.

There should be a comma (,) after "Focus" and before the closing quotation mark in the opening sentence.

The word "It" in the 2nd sentence after the comma should no be capitalized.

There should be a comma (,) after "states" in the fourth sentence.

In Alina Tugend’s report “Multitasking Can Make You Lose… Um… Focus,” Tugend discusses texting while driving being a problem. Not only is it a problem while driving, it is also a problem while performing a multitude of other activities. Texting while driving has become such a big problem that most of the United States are making laws against texting and driving. In over thirty five states texting while driving is a ticket-worthy offense. With accidents on the rise from texting while driving states are having to put more and more laws into effect. Not only are people paying less attention to their surroundings, but putting themselves and others in danger for a text message. Problems with texting don’t end with the vehicle, they can happen while doing other tasks such as walking. According to emergency room physicians, there is a rise in injuries and deaths due to walking while texting. Walking while texting causes all sorts of problems, from car accidents to just walking into someone, people just aren’t paying attention anymore with the rise of cell phones. The classroom is becoming the next victim of texting, causing students to do less than their best. One project documents that texting during a class leads to, on average, a twenty seven percent loss of information. With a twenty seven percent loss, in every class, students will not be getting great grades while texting. Texting while doing another task can not only lower your grade, but can also cause accidents that lead to serious injury or death. It would be wise to make sure you are not doing anything else the next time that you check a text message, you just might get a better grade or possibly save your life.

In Alina Tugend’s report

Problems with texting don’t end in the vehicle, they can happen while performing other tasks such as walking. According to emergency room physicians, there is a rise in injuries and deaths due to walking while texting. Walking while texting causes all sorts of problems, from car accidents to just walking into someone, people just aren’t paying attention anymore with the rise of cell phones.

The classroom is becoming the next victim of texting; distraction from texting is causing students to do less than their best. One project documents that texting during a class leads to, on average, a twenty-seven percent loss of information. With a twenty-seven percent loss in every class, students will not be getting great grades because of texting.

Texting while doing another task can not only lower your grade, but can also cause accidents that lead to serious injury or death. It would be wise to make sure you are not doing anything else the next time that you check a text message; you just might get a better grade or possibly save your life.

ETA: This is primarily edited for grammar with only a few changes due to word choice and/or confusing wording.

4th line "laws against

4th line "laws against texting and driving... this reads that states will outlaw texting and also outlaw driving.
Problems with texting don’t end in the vehicle... do not end ...(no contractions allowed)

I would change "walking while texting" to "texting while walking" .. previously you mentions texting while driving.. it follows that texting while walking would be in the same vein.

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