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Is this Fair?

2mymax's picture

Submitted by 2mymax on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 7:02am

Hello
I am a Stepmom and bio mom, I'm having a dilema.
My oldest BD left when she grad high school about 1 yr ago to live with Bio dad.
My SD who's 25 left over 4 yrs ago and grad college had her own place etc.
Well while my BD was gone my SD ask to move back in with us temp
After a fight with boyfrnd, so she's been staying in my BD room. Meanwhile
Somewhere along SD gets pregnant, still living with us but also staying at
Mother in laws house as well. She's actually been spending 80% of the time
Over there and about 20% at our house. Well my BD is coming back home,
She 19, and wants to go to school after year break she had. The problem I'm
Having is that my husband suggested that my BD should share room with
younger SD and leave her old room to my Preg SD until she
Gets her own room. I haven't responded to him cause I don't think it's fair
But I also don't want to be insensitive. I don't think it's fair cause the SD
Will have the best of both places, and barely use one of them
While everyone else is uncomfortable for a situation she put herself
And us in. Why doesn't she share the room her sis, since she's hardly
There anyway. ......I feel bad for feeling this way but I'm being honest...
Please help

Comments

FreeNHappy's picture

Submitted by FreeNHappy on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 7:23am

Hmm, definitely tricky. Have you guys thought about sitting down with you, your DH and both your BD and SD and seeing what they think? Since it was originally BDs room, I kinda think she should have the final say over who gets the room (I know I would have really hurt feelings if my parents gave away my room permanently...). Maybe you can bring up all the issues and let BD know that SD was staying in her room temporarily, but that the pregnancy has complicated things. Also, maybe talk to SD and see about her having a permanent room at her Grandma's since she seems to prefer spending time there? This situation could be worked out really peacefully if everyone sits down and talks it through and EVERYONE'S feelings get taken into account. Do your SD and BD get along? If they do. then hopefully they will care about each other enough to work out something that makes everyone happy and comfortable. The important thing is to be there for your SD while she goes through a pretty rough situation yet also, respect your BDs territory and let both of them know that one daughter isn't being favored over the other. A tricky diplomatic situation, but I think with communication it can be resolved!

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 8:41am

I don't agree. The girl is not going to give up her space.

I think its wrong to have empty space when someone else can use it. I really don't see a problem with SD sharing a room with her sister since she's not there most of the time.

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 9:03am

No where wa the soon to be baby addressed. Will the baby be staying with you?

The people that live there need the space. The ones visiting need a couch to sleep on (maybe not that severe)

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Fri, 01/27/2012 - 11:21am

I agree if SD is not going to school or working then i don't think she should have a say. Wink

that is the rule in our house is that you have to be in school full time or have a job full time or school part time and job part time. So my thinking is that if SD doesn't have a job or is not in school why should she have a say as she is NOT bringing anything into the household. On top of that she is not staying there most of the time.