This one's a little off-kilter, so I apologize in advance.

We had the kids this weekend. It was pretty good overall. We're taking on one of FSD's chickens (she raises them for 4H), because BM moved and their new backyard is too small. I was highly annoyed that BM didn't consider this before the move, but whatever. FSD loves her chickens and hey, it's free eggs. So this weekend FDH and FSS built a chicken coop while FSD tagged along with me to volunteer at the shelter. She's quite good there, and I think everyone's impressed by her maturity and observance (she can differentiate all the black cats, like me).

There was nothing terribly eventful going on. FSD played Wheel of Fortune with FDH and I colored with FSS. We went to the park, where FSS fell and bit his lip pretty bad. When we dropped off the kids at BM's I turned around and said bye to the kids. FSD said bye. FSS just stared at me. I was looking right at him when I said good-bye. He was giving me this unfathomable look. He wasn't ignoring me. It was like he was thinking about something. I don't know what, but he does that sometimes with me. I can't tell if he wants me to take the lead in being more affectionate, or if he wants me to back off, or if he's just not sure how to react.

That night on the news I heard about a fatal accident on the road that runs by their new house. I kinda freaked out a little bit, even though I knew it was highly unlikely to be them. Then I had a horrible, horrible nightmare about FSS. I mean, just really bad. I was in an airport and I was looking frantically for FDH, then FSS. I knew someone had taken FSS. I couldn't find him. Flash to cops finding him. Horribly. He was buried in a shallow grave in this awful contraption of needles, the details of which I do not wish to describe, but the image of them pulling him out has been haunting me. He came home, but he was not the same. He'd been abused. He was absolutely empty. It was so awful. It's been a couple days and I am just finally beginning to shake that feeling. That dream put me in a daze for the past couple days. I've been nervous and jumpy. I have a lot of bad dreams, but it's been a long time since one has really followed me like this.

I guess it's not really a skid issue. It's my issue. I'm kind of surprised though that FSS was the subject of what's frightened me.