I remarried and kept XH's last name for 2 years. Now I hyphenate it, but haven't changed it legally.
It is a pain in the ass, DH couldn't care less either way, it's simpler to have the same last name as my kids (and unbelievably, it DOES matter...if our last names are different, for instance, a bunch of additional docs are required for the kids to get their driver's license.)

I suggest you let go of your issues with BM having the last name. BF GAVE it to her. It's hers to do with as she wants. What YOU decide to do about your name should have nothing to do with her. Don't give her that power over you.

Oh, Foxy, that's gross and unfair of her to do on so many levels. She is playing games which showcase her own spite, and using her kids to play these games out.

In that way I am very lucky; our BM changed her name back when they divorced in order to show how fabulous she is- but I'd bet that if she could change it back now just to plague us, she would! :?

And unfortunately, from what I've read on here, there doesn't seem to be anything that can be done about it. Can't imagine that her new "husband" or whatever he is would be too happy with that, though!

>>>Can you even do that? Re marry but still keep your ex-husbands last name?<<<

Yes, you absolutely can.

You can make your name whatever you want it to be. Legally, BM still has DH's last name, but on FB she goes by her maiden name. I don't really get why. If she wants people to know her by her maiden name, why wouldn't she just change her name?

When I divorced I took my maiden name back, but if we'd had kids together, I probably would've kept my married name just to have the same name as my kids.

I think our BM kept DH's last name because she thinks it's gets under our skin. To be honest, I think the idea of me having the same last name as her bothers her more than it does me. I have the name & the man. She just has the name & is old news.

My DH's ex kept his last name, even though she married one of her fuck buddies within a month of their divorce. I think she's doing it in order to scam DH, be able to keep things going in the name of being his 'wife' (she was able to turn utilities on in his name because she was his 'wife') and crap we will never find out about. Sucks she can do that, but she can.

I took DH's last name too, despite the fact that my name is now different than my kids. But, my kids dad is pretty much out of the picture, and all the kids want to change their names anyway, and hopefully we will be able to eventually. But that's another story.

I married when I was 19, had two sons, divorced 13 years later, and was on my own for about 10 years. This last name has been mine my entire adult life, and I really don't think I want to change it when SO and I marry. Aside from that, I don't want to take my SO's last name because I don't want to have the same name as his children and BM. I don't want to be associated with that lot. I'm proud when people hear my name and ask if I'm BS's mother. I'd be disgusted if I had my SO's last name and someone asked if I were SKids' mother.

Just trying to give you another perspective

Oh the name game lol. I personally don't like BF's last name and though I am not fond my mine either, I have lived with it so long. But when I suggested to BF combining our last names to create a new one - i got a dirty look.

In our BM's case, she still has his name because she's still desperately, pathetically, obviously hung up on SO. Gag me with a spoon.

I plan on changing my name to his, but I hope she changes hers back. Any advice on how to get her to do it? If we act like it's a big deal, she'll just dig her heels in more. It bothers me, though. Like FoxyMama, it makes it less meaningful for me. I feel like she's stealing something that doesn't belong to her.

It could be that when I change mine she'll be embarrassed into changing hers back. It probably will bother her.

I think part of the reason she's keeping the name is to be "in" with his family. They have no doubt encouraged her to keep it in their efforts to exclude me.

I personally don't get the "have the same last name as my kids" thing. Today with so many divorces and so many children out of wedlock, having a different last name than your children is no negative stigma.

The Behemoth used this excuse as she kept her "divorced" name well past marriage to the Snuffleupagus. She claimed it would "confuse the children."

My kids were never confused as to who they were and they both had different last names from me and each other.

I guess her kids are easily confused but that's what you get when you prop your kids up in front of "Spongebob" all day long.

I guess I have mixed feelings about this, and I just posted something related regarding last names. I'm sorry it's causing so many problems for you, but since there's nothing you can do about it, just try to not let it bother you and enjoy yourself. Names, ultimately, are not the important things.

I do it because it makes his bitch of a new wife absolutely batshit crazy! }:)

:sick: My exbf's ex got remarried and kept exbf's last name and hyphenated it with her new hub's name, who was the guy she fucked around with on exbf. Her rationale was that it would be better for bratty SD...I'm sure her new husband appreciates that! Go back and read my blogs...never have I seen adults so willing to make unrealistic concessions for a little kid! (Btw, she is an only child and SHE is THE only thing to consider.)I have kids but there is no way in hell I'd keep my married name and hyphenate it with my new husband's name. Her new husband must be totally whipped/doormat...seriously...would YOU really do that to your husband? Again, whatever is best for the child
:sick:

So glad to be away from all of that drama!

My DH's ex kept her married name when they divorced. She used the excuse that she wanted the same surname as her kids, which I could kind of understand though I hated the thought of sharing a surname with the bitch. My dh got custody of the kids because she was proved to be incapable of being a full time mother and I'm sure she hates us sharing a surname far more than I do, seeing as though her kids live with me and we all have the same last name. I wasn't too bothered until she had another kid to father unknown and gave that one my dh's surname, according to her because she wanted the kid to share the same name as her and his brothers. I was furious as I don't see she has any right to name her brat after my dh after he'd been with me for 4 years and it's clearly not his kid. It made it worse because me and dh have tried and failed to have a child of our own, and it felt like a real insult that she'd succeeded in producing a kid and giving it his name and I hadn't, and I was really hurt for a while. Then I started thinking that she's such a pathetic loser who has no man, no money, has a very low IQ so no prospects and lives in a place she hates but can't get re-housed that she must have to live in a little fantasy world where she can be MOTY to all her "gawjus" (as she spells it) boys and they can all live together happily ever after when in reality she hasn't a hope of getting the skids back and the kid she has now will probably get taken away when someone realises what a crap, selfish mother she really is. So now I just think of her as being a sad, pathetic, lonely loser who'll never be happy and will never succeed at anything because she's so stupid, and that makes me feel a lot better.