I like that idea ^^^^

Well it sounds like she's just being an ass in general but not wanting to have a different last name from your children is perfectly valid. BUT again I see from the other statements that she's being a jerk on top of it.

I would do something because otherwise you risk getting caught up in any of her foolishness when your new name is attached to his and now you're suddenly the "same" person with respect to some things. Yikes.

Hyphenate or keep your maiden name.

You guys all read that these two women have to same first name too right?? That is SO shitty!!!! Of course she won't change it now because she knows it makes you upset.

Can you go by your first and middle name together? Or your middle name? My great granny was the one person who ever called me by my middle name but I still would respond to it. I guess that's a bit drastic though.

My fiances, brothers, seperated wife (lol wheew long one) I don't know if they are divorced but they have been apart 5 years, she still carries her xhusbands name around, then added a middle name that wasn't hers....my fiances xgf's name .....she should really bury herself in a hole. Totally nasty creep. She keyed my car up, and my fiances car. I just think that shes keeping the name because she can't move on and has a really troubled life.

Use your maiden name. She'll never change her name even if she marries again just to irritate you and yours. Speed when you see a cop and tell him you've forgotten your purse with your drivers license. Give her name and address when cop asks to check to see if you have a valid license by computer. Scribble a signature and ignore the citation.

Do it about every six months until she changes her mind and I love the signature line idea above.

Ouch it would be difficult to share the same name as the exBM. But like the other posters have said she does have a right to keep the name. And speaking from experience from my first marriage, it does help to have the same last name as the children especially if they are young.

In-fact I recently went and spoke to an attorney about filing a divorce from my second husband. This attorney told me if I filed I could choose to go back to my madien name, my first marriage name or keep the one I have now. I was shocked when I heard this. I thought my first marriage name couldn't be an option.

Having said that I do have a word of advise. Do think strongly on how you decide to place your name on legal documents and mail. Hyphenating might work might not. Not sure where you live but the US Postal Service does not reconize the middle name, intial and in some cases hyphenation. The stbH learned this the hard way. He shares the same name as his oldest son. Each time this son moves and fowards his mail H's mail gets forwarded as well. Trust me this boy moves a lot so H is always dealing with this issue. It's a real nightmare. Not to mention I would shutter to think of the exBM got a hold of something extreme personal of yours. Maybe on paperwork you could do first intial of first name whole middle name and last name. Just a thought.

Also note exBM will be Ms. You will be MRS.

Keep your maiden name, have your fiancé change his last name to yours, or both of you can pick a new last name to have together.

Apart from the drama about the name itself, beware of credit issues. I was named after my mother - not the same name but very similar. Imagine my surprise when I applied for my first credit card and HER less than stellar (at the time, all better now!) credit appeared!!

It remains something I regularly check. Especially since I would never change my name, even with marriage.

Yup, keep your maiden name. You're right that you can't force her, and she's right that having the same last name as her kids is a lot easier (and also that this isn't her problem). I totally understand that you're frustrated, but you have to come up with something YOU can do, you can't make her do anything.

Change your name, or hyphenate, or don't. This decision should be about what you want. It should have nothing to do with her.

If it comes up down the road and people are confused, just tell them, "Oh that's his ex-wife, she refuses to change her name". Let other people assume or draw whatever conclusions they want from that.

I would hyphenate it. As a woman getting a divorce I can tell you nothing would make me happier than to go back to my maiden name. I love my maiden name, BUT I have a 6 year old who is taking this hard and I know it would upset him if our names were different.

The more you ask the more power you give.

Of course she won't change it now because she knows it makes you upset.

I was that bitch I kept my exHs last name after the divorce because it made him mad and I was still being petty about him leaving me for the neighbor across the street. I'm embarrassed to admit that.

However. A year later I grew up and took my maiden name back - at a legal name-change court hearing that cost me nearly $500 (between the court costs and multiple "certified" name change court documents I had to buy and give away to the social security office and driver's license bureau and county records office so my house deed reflected my legal name, etc.).

Your BM may be facing the same expenses now and it isn't worth it to her, or she still wants to stick to you by having the same name. If she's at all reasonable (doesn't sound likely) maybe you and DF could offer to help her with court expenses if she wanted to claim her name back. Or, if she isn't, there is nothing you can do about it and don't let her rent space in your head about it. Tell everyone you're the Mrs. First Name, DFLastName 2.0, new and improved.

You and your fiance can change your last name to something else entirely and be done with the matter.

She'll never change it now that she knows it bothers you & your FDH.

I suggest changing both of your names to hyphenated yourlastname-hislastname

Wow... That stinks... I know it's a pain in the ass to change your name (believe me, even after a year and a half I'm still finding some places that have me listed with my maiden name). But you just do it.

SD and I have the same name, with exception of our middle names. Have you thought about using your middle name in addition to your first? SD and I go by "name" then 1st letter of our middle name or by Big/Little "name".

Same problem! I have same first name as BM, same spelling and everything. She won't change back to her maiden name either for the kids reason. She doesnt want anyone to think she "Kidnapped" them. LOL whatever psycho. They hate her anyway and couldn't care less.

I didn't change my last name to DH's because I don't want anyone to confuse me with HER. She is a LOSER. I don't want her to be able to use my identity. I worked my ass off all my life and I didn't marry and then divorce a man so I could then live off of alimony and child support for years. She got hers though because now she has to pay CS! }:)

Also, everyone knows me by my last name for my entire life … I'm not changing it now. People know I'm married to my DH. Its not a big deal to either one of us.

This is a hard one because but I totally understand wanting to keep the same last name as your kids. I like the idea of hypenating your name just for legal purposes. You don't have to have people call you by the hypenated name but for taxes and everything it would be helpful. Sorry!