I've noticed that the trend is for BM to keep the last name of her children at all costs. If that means keeping an ex's name then so be it. If she has kids with ex and new DH she will want to have both last names so she has a last name in common with each child.

My SD5 has BM's maiden name as her last name. When BM married she hypenated her maiden name with her husbands last name. I know her DH didnt love the idea but she said she just wanted to keep a last name in common with SD5 so that she didnt feel out of place. I told her if she would have given SD5 my DH's last name she would never have to worry about that...because DH will always have the same last name. She just gave me a DUH dumbfounded look. LOL

I guess that is what happens when you have multiple children with multiple baby daddies.

I think hyphenating your maiden name is fine but keeping your married name and hypenating it with your second husband's last name is ridiculous.
++++++++++++++++++
YUP!

Thankfully where I come from kids always get their dad's last name. Women always keep their own name on paper. Socially SOME are referred to as their DH's last ñame for invitations, etc...but I always grew up knowing my grandmother & aunts by their real last name. Actually all kids and adults legally use both their dad's & mom's last name. I have kept my real last name all my life even while living in the US. My son has never thought anything of it. He knows who his mom is and will refer to me when asked by my first & real last name.

Crazy BM on the other hand is from our same culture & kept my DHs last name when she remarried w/the daughter excuse. Funny she didn't care if her other two daughters had her same last name. Divorce papers stated she had to chg last name & before my son was born DH made sure that she chgd her last name. It's also strange for our biokids to have the same last ñame as the crazy ex...she did...or so she claims. She used my DHs last name fraudulently to get crédit, etc...that's probably the real reason she never changed it.

So what would happen if crazy divorced her 2nd husband? How many last names could she have? I think it's more the woman not wanting others to understand she has 3 kids from 3 different men.

I kept my ex-husbands name when we divorced 15 years ago because I had it longer than my maiden name! Actually, it made it easier to identify me as the kids Mom. When I remarried 2 years ago, I hyphenated my ex's name and my new DH name because people identify me professionally by my old name. I will eventually drop it and just keep my DH's name.
I know DH's 2nd wife still uses his name and they were only married 2 years. I don't know the reason, and frankly could give a tiny rats ass.

I had such a long business history with that x-last name that I kept it in the middle for a while. Ok, 5 years. Till I incorporated a new company without it. Took that long to get business associates connected to my new last name. And I finally got soc sec and the IRS all together with it too! Jeesh. It was never a problem for my daughter to have a different (x-last) name.

I agree with others who indicate that is likely an effort to retain a common last name with her children. I am actually Okay with that as a man .... if I had spawned with my XW.

That is preferable to having an X try to change my children's last name.

My XW petitioned the court to return to her maiden name which the Judge granted. However, he was very clear that if we had children or if she were pregnant with my child that she could not revert to her maiden name. It is a conservative TX judge thing I guess.

She was pregnant, unknown at the time, but not with my kid. She lost that one but got pregnant again ~6mos after she filed and had that one and another OOWL spawn with her geriatric Fortune 500 Executive sugar daddy and one after he finally married her.

At least that is my understanding of her procreation schedule while married to me, during our divorce and post divorce.

I am proud the my wife of nearly 17yrs took my last name. She has contributed significantly to the quality, integrity and honor that it represents. It was well developed by my GPs and my parents when it was handed off to my bro and I and my wife has done it proud.

Maybe I am a bit traditional in my thoughts on this topic but .... I like that my wife took my family name.

IMHO and just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

I was married for 15 years then was widowed. When I remarried 5 years ago, I took my new DH's last name. My kids retain their biofather's last name.

The BM and DH were divorced 13 years ago and she hyphenates his last name with her new DH's last name. Her reasoning.... my DH's family is "known" in this community (in a good way mind you) and she wants to hold onto some of that. Simply name recognition and that's it. The unfortunate part is that with that last name she has done some pretty low-down stuff, treated people badly, etc. Needless to say my DH's father is not happy about it but what can you do?

Hey Rags, you know I'm gonna rant on this one. HUGE PET PEEVE....SO I'm warning you this may offend some of you.

It's NONE of your business what other women do with their name. For whatever reasons. It's one of the reasons we women are saddled with indecision, guilt, confusion as to what to do with our own names!!! Because people are judging you, men, society, WOMEN...we are the ONLY gender that has to endure this scrutiny of what is/isn't morally acceptable...all because in some day past we became "property" of and then we were screwed when it came to names. We are judged no matter what we do. I wish eveyr woman on this board was with me on this and took a stand to defend every womans right to do whatever the hell they want with their name.

Put aside she's "the ex", put aside your feelings-it's not YOUR f'in name or life for crying out loud.

THIS is what you will have to endure during your life because of your name:

If you marry....if you hyphenate w/your maiden/married name you aren't committed enough...if you take his name, you're a doormat that lets the man rule...if you don't take his name you're a hard core rabid feminist....then come the kids-...will they take his name, or both...and if it's both you will get judged for that...if it's just his you may again be questioned why YOUR name isn't theirs also (hyphenated).

THEN the divorce...keep it or not-for the kids, for society, for the ex, for the ex's new gf or spouse, what about the parents, friends, easiness of communication, schools.what about paperwork to do, what about professionally??? Whom to please, whom to please??? Someone will be mad and have an opinion with what you do with your name.

Then comes remarriage...your new guy has an opinion about it, as does your ex and new wife, and society, and the kids...and what to do? Change it back, not take his name, take it, hyphenate, how can I please everyone with how I choose to change my name..because somebody will be pissed or think badly in some way or feel they have a right to opine on what you do.

We can't win, you can never win this battle..it saddens me SO much to see us struggle with this and then turn around on this board of support and bash other womens choices as to what they did w/their name...we question their motives, decisions, thought process, choices...

Who the hell are you. and where do we get off judging what another woman does with her name-when she has been CURSED with this name dilemma to begin with (that NO MAN faces mind you). Can you just do what you want, and resolve to let other women choose what they want to do, for whatever their reasons may be

(to keep the name as kids, to please somebody in family, to make it easy, for not wanting the paperwork ordeal, for keeping a name that they are known professionally for, out of habit of identifying with a name, wanting to dissasociate with it...whatver HER motives and choices are for changing, keeping..please stop judging it. If at least we WOMEN could help eachother out with this bullshit-we could perhaps take a burden off our kind ya know?

I personally think it all depends on the situation my FDH ex won't change her name. I hate it and think she should. She has nonright to Carey his name anymore she cheated and doesn't even know who the father of her children are. But he is still rasing them. So why should she get his last name. Not to mention she's ruined his credit and keeps making it worse and all he can do is dispute it. If a name represents what kind of
Mother you are your a shity mom as is.

The strangest one I've ever heard was my former next door neighbour.

She divorced one man, kept his last name, and had a child with her new husband.

Instead of giving the child her maiden name, his last name or a combination of both, she hyphenated the child's name with her ex husband's last name and her new husband's last name. I'm surprised new hubby put up with it, but he seemed kinda whipped if you kwim.