Overstepped my bounds? I don't give a flip
I called SS, after telling my DH of course, and told him that we would be at the dinner as well. It was not right that we were going to do some Jerry Springer thing on him. I called because we felt he would be more receptive to me than my DH. First, he went off on how we got his number. And to never call him again. And he told us not to show up at the dinner or he will leave. He hung up on me. Well, nice talking to you too SS. I am sure DH's family will find out and say it was not my place. But I spent more time with SS as he was growing up than all of them so I don't give a flip there. And if they say I am trying to break up the father son bond, I will go off. No more nice Maria. So now we are wondering about the dinner. Do we just let SS control where we go? But I think he needs his space for now. Now I have to explain to my son we aren't going. Maybe I can just drop off my son there. What do you guys think?
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Don't go. You tried to talk
Don't go. You tried to talk to SS. Leave it at that. I would completely stay out of this.
That kid needs to just be left alone by everyone...What a meddling family!!!
I am glad you let the boy
I am glad you let the boy know!! Good job.
DO NOT GO! Your SS isn't
DO NOT GO! Your SS isn't trying to control where you go. He's just trying to be anywhere away from wherever you'll be. It is simply giving him the space he has made MORE than clear he needs.
As for him hanging up on you, yeah, it was disrespectful, but things have been disrespectful all the way around. He has been up front with wanting distance from you & your DH, yet the two of you seem to be poking around every corner & end up getting hurt & upset every time he runs the other way.
As for having to explain to your son that you're not going, why would you have told him you were going to begin with if it was up in the air?
Nothing good will come of it if you go. Your SS will be livid. He won't trust your BIL after a setup like that, so that link you have had through him will be gone. You & your DH will be angry & hurt & rejected...again, & you'll be angry about your son's feelings being hurt.
What is the occasion for the
What is the occasion for the dinner? I generally would say .... go .... A minor child does not determine if a parent participates in their life or not. That is the adults decision.
If the kid freaks then than is on the kid. It is more important for you to be there, participate and show support as well as to make the kid fully aware that he does not control the parent.
And, why would you drop your child off at an event where you and your DH were not welcome? Not in Rags' world.
Either you, DH and your child go or no one goes.
As for DH's family and their opinion. Fuck-em. If they can not be supportive, they don't matter. My wife is my SS's CP. I am the CSP and I can assure you that the two of us are the ones who determine how we will raise our child and deal with his SpermClan. My ILs are primarily non participative other than to express how much they detest the SpermIdiot, my family is fully participative, supportive and SS is their family. The SpermIdiot and the SpermClan do not get an opinion. At least not one that anyone of consequence will listen to or give a shit about.
As I said initially, I would go.
Good luck.
He's not a minor.
He's not a minor.
Nope he is no longer a minor.
Nope he is no longer a minor. He is now 19.
However, from 1yo to 18 he was a minor and my wife and I used this methodology to deal with the plethora of his extended family.
At 19 he is a self supporting young man well on his way to viable adulthood. In large part because of how his mom and I raised him, trained him to deal with his worthless POS SpermIdiot and toxic SpermClan, set the example of what viable adults do to support themselves and their family, set the example of a healthy, committed, loving and affecte marriage and how me managed his interface with his extended family when he WAS a minor.
I believe that his choice to join the USAF was in many ways his total and complete rejection of the legacy of his SpermIdiot and the SpermClan.
We never gave them an opinion and over the course of his life and experience with them he learned to reject their example and opinion as not contributory to his own life.
So, yes, he is not a minor any longer and fortunately is no longer forced by the courts to be exposed to the idiocy of his SpermClan.
Ooops, the OPs kid is not a
Ooops, the OPs kid is not a minor or mine? I forgot to ask before replying to your response to my post.
Minor or not .... if the SS wants the OP's child there, then mom and dad come too.
IMO.
>>>A minor child does not
>>>A minor child does not determine if a parent participates in their life or not.<<<
The child in question is not a minor. He is also simply stating what his reaction will be given a particular action on dad's part. That's it. As far as I can tell, OP's child has nothing to do with anything.
Maria, why can't you just
Maria, why can't you just leave this guy alone??
He's made it clear he wants you guys to leave him alone, and you just insist and pushing yourselves someplace you're neither invited nor wanted.
If you don't back off, expect to have a restraining/anti-harassment order filed against you guys.
This time it wasn't her
This time it wasn't her people! They ARE leaving him alone! She just wanted to give him a heads up of what his uncle was planning! SHEESH give her a brake. She is doing the best she can, she thought that if she gave him a heads up that just maybe he would be ok but he is not so they aren'[t going. This time is was not her fault!
She gave him a heads up on
She gave him a heads up on what BIL was thinking/planning.
SS just got pissed she had his number and told her to never call him again!
Why couldn't OP and her DH just NOT GONE to the dinner and left well enough alone?
don't go and remember this
don't go and remember this next time the little bastard wants something from you or dh!!!! make it a family day all about bs and do something fun with him!!
I gave him the heads up to
I gave him the heads up to see if he was ok with us going. If he was it would a great chance for us to heal some things. But he was not ok with it so we did not go. We did drop off my son there because he wanted to go. He loves my DH's family and wanted to go. He found out about the party from my BIL. We are trying to patch things up guys. Please stop giving me such a hard time over things that I cannot control. I get it enough from DH's family as it is. THanks Purpledaisies for sticking up for me.