SS leaving for college
SS is offically moving into his new place today. He was supposed to leave on Wednesday but things happened and he wants to leave now. My DH even tried giving him the money with no strings attached AT ALL. But SS refused to even speak to him and walked out of BIL's house. My DH then tried to pass money to SS through his brother. He did this so that SS would think that the money came from BIL instead of from my DH. SS saw that coming a mile away and got pissed off.
We found out he was selling clothes and BM's furniture to get the money for the deposit and two month's rent. He still has not got the insurance money (it will take another month) and has no money at all to help with the initial costs. He had some savings but he spent most of it on the funeral, my BIL told us. We were upset when we heard that he was having to sell his things when we have the money to help. But he is refusing to have any contact with us. He did add my son on Facebook but he is never on there anymore. All of his friends are asking where he is. So it is not like he is ignoring my son. My son has been upset over this. He found out about SS's money issues and wants us to help. But it is hard for us to explain to him about all the problems we are having with SS not talking to us.
What should have been a very proud day for us is turning out to be very sad. SS is going to such a prestigious college with a full tuition scholarship (I saw the proof from my BIL) and we can't even show him how happy and proud we are. And I can't imagine this was how SS wanted to leave for college. I feel bad for him. My MIL has definitely calmed down. She is directing her anger at my DH and not me anymore. There is so much drama it is nauseating. It is sad that my DH cannot help his own son move into his room 
It hurts my DH and its affecting everyone in the house.
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My Dh has talkied to my BIL
My Dh has talkied to my BIL but SS has been mum on the issue. WE do not know what else to try. But yes, I agree, I think we just need to leave SS alone. But try explaining that to my DH.
SMOKIA Hmmmm, but it was OK
SMOKIA Hmmmm, but it was OK for a grandmother in another post to treat kids unfairly.
This seems contradicting to something I saw earlier. HMMMMMMM.
There was justification as to
There was justification as to why Grandma did it - you can't find a reason here too.
Oh wait, I'm gathering you feel whenever it's a GP / MIL, there's always a reason to justify what is done. But whenever a step parent or bio parent has issues with the blended - they obviously are doing everything wrong and need counseling and step hates the kids.
I'm seeing a pattern here.
Maria14 - I am so sorry you
Maria14 - I am so sorry you are going through all of this but from reading your blogs it really sounds as if your SS needs time and although that means that you are not allowed in his life right now don't give up hope that someday he will feel differently. He has just suffered a devastating loss and everyone grieves differently. I think the whole graduation thing was not your DH's fault or SS's it was just a misunderstanding of the tickets - but he is a teenager and they go on emotion alone at this age - so let him be and eventually he will realize that having a family is very important. He is very very raw from the death of his mother so you need to all back off and let him be alone and that could be for a few months or even a couple of years but he needs to work out all of this in his head.
As for selling off the things I am sure the things that really mean something to him that was his mother's he will keep the rest quite frankly he won't need in college and storage costs a lot - so let him sell the stuff - we all on here bitch and complain about our skids being lazy and not able to make it on their own - but here you have a skid doing that - so be proud - he knows you are there for him and any money that you want to give him just put it in an account and someday when he comes back to DH and your family you will have a nice amount of money to help him - either pay off student loans or put a down payment on a house. My prayers are with you and your family.
We are proud caregiver. IT is
We are proud caregiver. IT is just sad for us to see him pawn things off for money. I am going to tell my DH about putting the money aside. I think that is a great idea. That way my DH will like he is still helping his on. THank you.
I'm with caregiver Hi waves
I'm with caregiver
Hi waves to you! 
But maria I think that your ss will come around he just needs some time. I know your dh is upset by everything that happened. If he wasn't regretting everything (misunderstanding which I really think happened) then he would be trying as hard as he is. Your ss will see that may be not right now be he will some day. Put the money aside for him and when he returns he will have it. I am sending ((HUGS)) to you and your dh along with ss.
Thanks for the hugs. I told
Thanks for the hugs. I told my DH about putting money aside and he liked it. By the time SS is done college, there will be a lot of money. We are also looking to sell the car and put the money in an account for SS.
Do the math? WTF? I did not
Do the math? WTF? I did not cheat on a married man if that is what you mean. You have no idea what went down when I first met my DH. Different set of rules? No, we barely saw SS for years and when we did we had the same rules. We had no idea his mother was dying. And yes, when we are giving him money, we wanted him to follow some rules. The weekend visits were a bit much but my DH wanted to add that in even though I said it was too much. SS had a college fund but a disagreement between BM and my DH made my DH remove it. We were still offering him an equivalent amount of money. SS refused.
having college fund of DS and
having college fund of DS and none for SS,
This part is not fair though, because Maria is also involved in the raising of DS. I already have a college fund started for our BS1 with a significant amount of money in there (for a 1 year old) however, I am the one who has contributed 95% of the money. DH and other friends/relatives make up the other 5%. Not mine or my BS1 fault that the skids scumbag mothers haven't set aside a penny for them.
Also, (IMHO) the not attending graduation was a misunderstanding and not helping with dying mother shouldn't even be brought up as Maria and DH didn't even know she was dying until a couple of days before she passed.