Resentful
I have found myself becoming extremely resentful of my SD13. I have been in her life for almost 6 years now and my attitude towards her is changing from love to hate. Don't get me wrong I am extremely lucky that she is smart and well behaved considering the emotional damage her mother inflicts.
I am becoming so resentful of my life's decisions hanging in the balance for a teenager to get the courage to ask her mom if she can go on vacation with us or just stay an extra day. My husband has gotten much better at giving my SD deadlines in dealing with the fear of confrontation with her mother. Still I feel bitter. I cannot plan anything short notice and I haven't seen my family for holidays in years because the ex-wife controls our every decision. My husband does not even like to deal with her and has given into her for so many years on custody time that he hardly bothers to ask anymore. I won't even get into the psychotic episodes we have all endured from this incredibly narcissistic woman.
I have had so many issues with my SD thinking that she should be involved in adult situations and conversations that I have with my husband. Her mother involves her in so many inappropriate ways and it carries over into my life. I fear so much emotional damage that is going to rear its head in my SD's adult life. My husband corrects these things in our household for the most part but it is extremely annoying to have someone constantly butting in where they don't belong.
I have found that I loathe every other week with my SD lately and I hate myself for taking it out on her. My SD loves to be around me, but my attitude is painfully obvious. My husband doesn't understand my feelings and often makes me feel that I am being unfair with the situation. I could write all day about my step-misery, but any advise on this would be appreciated.
- Cara B's blog
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My DH and I also have
My DH and I also have difficulty planning anything, even well in advance. BM involves both skids in "adult issues". She communicates through the skids, which is totally inappropriate. Why does your SD have to confront her mother about these things? Why doesn't DH handle it? SD is being put in the middle by both parents and that puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on her. If BM is anything like our BM and I was 13, I wouldn't confront her either. We were supposed to be leaving on vacation this Sunday. Guess what we're not doing...we had to put it off til the 14th because of BM's manipulation.
I have similar feelings about SS13, not because he's a bad kid, but because he's being damaged by a manipulative BM...all the drama gets so old. We have a parenting time coordinator in place now, and that has helped somewhat with scheduling issues. You might want to look into that. We also have a psychologist involved because of alienation by the BM. That has also helped somewhat. We have SS13 week on/week off during the summer, and I do not look forward to the drama surrounding his visits. SD19 comes and goes as she pleases pretty much.
I hope you find a way to cope with all this...and then share it with me!! LOL
The only reason SD has to
The only reason SD has to confront her mom is because BM refuses to speak to my husband. SHe is an extremely immature adult to say the least. Even when my husband tries to talk to her she just screams like a wild animal and nothing ever gets accomplished. There is so much more insanity and crazy logic involved that I wouldn't even begin to touch the surface here.
Our BM won't even talk to DH.
Our BM won't even talk to DH. All changes in parenting time now have to be emailed with a copy to the parenting time coordinator...I should say they're supposed to be because she doesn't follow this unless it benefits her. She has been told more than once that putting SS13 in the middle is damaging him, but she continues. I'm thankful that we don't have to talk to her, though. I understand the insanity and crazy...we have that too.
I was just re-reading your
I was just re-reading your post, and I swear it could have been written by me...I'm wondering if our DHs were married to the same woman! LOL
Our BM also let SD read the
Our BM also let SD read the divorce agreement..not sure if SS read it. I'm sure she gives them all the details (as she sees them, which I can assure you is not how the rest of the world sees them) of everything that goes on. She has been told by the psychologist that she is harming her children, but she just keeps doing her thing.
We were also just quoted the
We were also just quoted the divorce decree by SD13 along with a few lies BM has told her. So frustrating!!!! I guess on the upside I get to spend longer with my family for the holidays without worrying about having to deal with a school/custody schedule.