Today I'm celebrating the light at the end of the tunnel. I know some of you won't understand this feeling. Some of you are have skids that are sweethearts. I envy you. I came to this with hopes and dreams and plans, but found SD was too far gone and guilt-parenting deeply entrenched.

Some of us are counting down the days. There were so many times when I thought about how long until SD turned 18 and didn't think I would make it. Year 2 and 3 were Hell and I wouldn't repeat them for all the marbles. "How long?" I wondered, would I have to put my hopes and dreams on the back burner waiting for BF to be free of this drama? Year 5 has been easier in some ways (less visits from SD) and harder in others (BF's heart breaking when he finally saw in SD what I had seen year's earlier).

While I know adult skids can be an equal delight to deal with, my standards and line in the sand will shift at age 18 and I won't put up with the level of bull that I do now.

Two years until the SD factor won't be hanging over us waiting to explode. I live in fear of the call that we will now be footing 1/2 the bill for drug rehab or teen pregnancy. Failing school and paying for braces and dental surgery pales in comparision to my larger worries for the last two year of BF's obligations to cs.

Two years until we can finally get married. Two years until I can stop covering ALL the bills because BF's paycheck goes to CS. Gee what would a vacation be like?

BF has b-day gifts ready and waiting for SD16 who won't return his calls and emails. In some ways I great respect his continued efforts despite the intentional hurt SD inflicts. The way he always meets his end of the responsibilities even if there is no answer on the other side. But sometimes I wonder why he continues to allow himself to be used and abused. Where will he find his line in the sand.

So, tonight I will be celebrating with a glass of wine. I will be celebrating that I've made it through the hardest 5 years of my life and only have 2 years left on my sentence to service. No one but my step talk friends will know that this glass is for us and the light at the end of the tunnel.