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ok, fellow SMs with lunatic, PAS'ing BMs I need advice

3bk1sd's picture

Submitted by 3bk1sd on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 4:10pm

DH called me from work today and said that BM wants her cs 2 days early. I was in the middle of getting groceries with 3 children so I told him we'd have to talk about it later.
Ok, here is the part I need help with, I look after all the bills and DH has no idea if there's money or not. He knows that there's gas in the car and the bills are paid, he also gets spending money. This suits him fine as he isn't good with money and this way he doesn't have to worry about it. There is money, I do have enough that I could give him the cs money early and it wouldn't affect us at all. I just really don't want to, I know I'm being petty but BM has gone out of her way to make our lives miserable. She has shown up at our house screaming that DH has to choose between his whore wife or SD. (I am not a whore, I think she would better fit that description, js). DH refuses to choose and so BM chose for us, she has turned SD against us and the few times she has come to see us are filled with drama, lies and bs. Why would he even want to help her out, that's what I'm not getting. So, do I tell him there's not enough money or do I suck it up and give it to him early?

Comments

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 10:59pm

3bk....Husband needs to let BM know you are the family bookkeeper and she needs to contact you with any SC issues.

Then, IF she calls....you get to tell her NO!!

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 4:20pm

Go by the CO period. Always go by the guidelines that are set up b./c if you don't she will keep going at it making it even more difficult. Just tell him no that it is not in the budget til it is due b/c that is how a BUDGET works!

Lovemystepkids37's picture

Submitted by Lovemystepkids37 on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 4:22pm

DO NOT DO IT!!!! I would be honest with him about it though...Just tell him you dont want to..Next month if you did not have the money until 2 days late, would she be okay with that? OF COURSE NOT! He would be a dead beat dad and you would be a whore again.... I dont understand why DH's almost refuse to fight with the EX and with the current wife they will go nose to nose...ummmm hello. you divorced her for a reason....you married me for a reason....lets get things straight here...

anyha's picture

Submitted by anyha on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 4:27pm

I wouldn't worry about it. Send it when you usually send it. You have to budget your money, if she didn't budget it then it's her fault not yours. You don't even have to be controversial about it. Part of your financial budget is the CS, and it goes out on X day so that's that.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 4:45pm

Not only would I not give it to her early, I wouldn't discuss it with her or acknowledge the request. I would set up payment through CSSD and never deal with her on finances again. One less thing for the troll to talk to you about.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 4:48pm

Seriously, I wouldnt even LIE about it. I would just tell him no, that you will cut her a check when it is court ordered time. You start bending the rules for her, and she will expect it!!

3bk1sd's picture

Submitted by 3bk1sd on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 4:58pm

Thanks everyone. I'm going to stick with the story of not enough money. I really don't feel like having a discussion on why we should be nice to BM. I hate her and the drama she has brought into our lives. Things have gotten alot better since SD stopped coming but there were 5 years of hell leading up to it.

ownpersonalopinion1's picture

Submitted by ownpersonalopinion1 on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 5:02pm

Is there an emergency or some unexpected expense that has come up for the sk? Is there a good reason she wants the money early?

Some rare unexpected expense or emergency would be the only reason I would send the money early. If she wants the money early just because....then she can wait just like everyone else.

3bk1sd's picture

Submitted by 3bk1sd on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 5:22pm

I don't think there is an emergency, she would be sure to tell DH if there was. She likes to go out to the bars and order take-out so she probably just ran out of money early.

3bk1sd's picture

Submitted by 3bk1sd on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 5:24pm

I'm going to. I'm just curious if DH will try to get it elsewhere. If he does then I'll have to get into it with him. I'll tell him that we have it I just really don't think we should give it to her early.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 3:00am

and this is the reason why you should be honest with him. why would he go behind your back? why would there even be a fight? if you're worried about something like this happening, there needs to be a fight. if you and he were on the same page he would have told her no when she asked.

calm retreat's picture

Submitted by calm retreat on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 6:48pm

I second GoodbyeNormaJean. If she's a nice BM then you do each other favors and count your blessings. Since she's a PASing greedy lunatic just ignore her. She doesn't deserve special favors. Set it up thru the CS Office so you don't pay her directly. That's how we did it and we love it. Up until then it was always too little and too late. Now we pay CS on the date it's due and don't make any exceptions. As far as your DH, set some boundries with him that estabishes payment protocal so you don't keep getting bugged by it in the future.

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 7:28pm

I would tell DH that yes we have the money but NO we are not going to give it to her early.

Listen this crazy women has caused your family nothing but grief....so you know that Karma thing..yes it does come back to bite her BM in the ass..well double shot to BM..you get what you give...and she is a nasty women so she gets nothing from you..

Giddy up Z Smile

OhNoYouDidNot's picture

Submitted by OhNoYouDidNot on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 7:42am

We put an automatic transfer date from our account to BM's so the bank transfers the amount on the 27th or 28th of each month. If you can arrange that with your bank, then let that determine when she gets paid. I'm sure the CO states that you have to pay every month but does it specify a date? Even so, set an automatic transfer than you can tell her she gets the damn money when she gets it -full stop-

What is it with these greedy, bi-polar, pas'ing biatch BMs?!?!? As for her showing up at your house to scream at you or DH, file a RO. She shouldn't be allowed to show her mentally ill ass in front of your children to cause them unnecessary emotional distress.

Sorry you're going through this, what a pain...