We told my SS he was not allowed to wisper when other people are in the room because it is rude. If he tries to whisper my DH tells him if he doesn't want the whole room to hear it he doesn't need to say it. Tell the skids that and ask your DH to enforce it because that is a manners matter don't try to say you don't want him answering questions or else his back will go up just tell him you are worried about manners.

That is disrespectful. I am not sure where parents, especially parents of skids get off thinking that the same rules of good manners should not apply to the skids. I was always taught that it was disrespectful to whisper in someone's ear if there was someone else around...period. Even if I whispered in my parent's ear and they had friends over, it is still disrespectful. These are bad manners. My DHs kid used to do that, and then again, so did his pathetic mother...I told my DH how rude that was and showed him where that was NOT good manners no matter who it came from.

Sigh...so tired of all the crap these kids are allowed to do...and tired of people with such bad manners nowadays...now, if you speak your mind and say these are bad manners, you are the one who's wrong...go figure!

I completely agree that is is extremely rude to whisper in one's ear when other people are around. My SD11 does this and it drives me insane. No concept of manners and what is rude or not. I have no problem coming out and saying it is just rude. Now, whether or not, that changes the behavior that is up to your DH. But, at least you can say that you said something and then I would disengage. The more I disengage the better I feel everyday.

Ahhh this reminded me of last week's shenanigans. The skids (3 and 6) asked FDH if they could ride their bikes outside. We were in the middle of making dinner and they can't ride bikes outside without one of us out there, so we said later. Well after dinner they wanted to watch SpongeBob so we let them watch an episode. Then it was bath time and I heard them say to him, "But we didn't get to ride our bikes and we ASKED you if we could earlier and you said yes!!!!" I didn't hear his response, I was putting rocking baby to sleep. When I finally got baby sleeping in his crib, I closed the door and all was quiet. Where were they? Riding their bikes outside! They played from 9pm til 9:30 (usually reading a book/settling at 9 and sleeping by 9:30)!! Then when he wanted them to come inside for bed they wouldn't settle and he got mad at them when they were still wired at 10:30. Derrrr...

You can bet that if I was the one giving them the bath they wouldn't have even asked me!

Your DH is the problem. He should say in a very loud voice when the whispering starts: "You DO know it's rude to whisper in front of everyone, don't you?"

WOW this is something that should be nipped in the bud in toddlerhood. I was always taught that:

1. it's rude to whisper in front of others
2. it's rude to interrupt adults
3. it's rude to call adults by their first names unless invited to do so

Once again, skids get a pass on the social graces. Tell H that he's doing a disservice to his children by not teaching manners. They will grow up to be classless, oafish, brought-up-in-a-barn-by-feral-wolves types. Is that what he wants for his spawn?

If he disregards you with the classic "you just don't like my children" or placates you then does a 180 when the heat is on, disengage.

Stop making rules for them and let them run their dad ragged. Hand dad the pissed sheets and say "well here's the result of you letting them have soda at night" and let him play step 'n' fetch.

P.s. "He says he does not want them to feel like they can't come to him."

I think I already have that one in my "guilt daddy mantra manual"

Here are some others you may "enjoy" as we've all heard them:

"Can't you say anything GOOD about my children?"
"You don't like my children!"
"They're JUST KIDS!"
"It's too late for them to change now"
"They're late bloomers"
"Your expectations are too high"
"I don't see my child often enough to teach her manners"
"i let them do what they want because i have no choice"
"I feel like I'm stuck in the middle

Oh man giving me dejavu here!

I remember when "Tattlin' Prince Hygiene" whispered to GG at age stb 7 about me DARING to come into "his" room at 10:30 p.m. to turn off the blaring TV with inappropriate anime (yes he was still up) WITHOUT knocking!!

And yes, all three skids would bolt into our bedroom and the bathroom w/o knocking, ironically.