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Just feel so alone....

Helpless0987's picture

Submitted by Helpless0987 on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 5:11pm

I hate how things have become between DH and I. His kids ruin everything, every good mood, every trip, diner family function or even just trying to watch a movie together. They drive such a wedge between us when they are here. I can't taking Listening to the ss10 brat whine, cry, and interupt every sentace we try to say to each other, Amd he let's him. There is zero commuinication between us when he is around. I have to detach myself from the situation when he is here because his actions are sending me thru the roof. I can't say anything because he Acuses me Of not liking him.... Yet he knows what the kid is doIng is completely inappropriate he just doesnt want ss to be mad at him. I'm sick of running and hiding intoy own little world when he is here.... And I have to because he refuses to control the situation. I feel invisible. The only person who has a say in what we do when we do it Amd how it's going to go is the kid. I just watched him beg him to put his shoes on for over 30 mins.... He's 10 omg why is it so fucking hard!!! Male him put the ficking shoes on instead of entertaining him while he procrastinates. My house is cpletely trashed from them Amd not a dish clean! I refuse to pick up after the kids I refuse to cater to them I can't do it anymore it's making me miserable.... Yet while I am detaching from the situation I feel so lonely knowing he dOesnt support my need for them to start doing things for themselves and expecting me to cater to their every command. Instead he enables them. I don't even feel like I have a husband when they are here I feel like they have torn us apart maybe even for good.

Comments

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Submitted by ubrngoutdbitchnme on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 5:31pm

I told FH that I will not be joining him and SD15 and SS13 on a vacation this summer. Last years summer vacation was a "fail" Skids picked that vacation time to act like major brats. Their aunt had joined us and they even made her cry. SD15 will admit that the way she behaved and her attitude was not okay but SS13 not a word out of his mouth.

FH tells me that I don't like SS13. Its not that I don't like SS13 its just that I am fed up with him and all the crap he pulls. SS13 is a repeat offender. He talks back to me and argues with me. He won't shut up. I also told FH that the only reason we argue is because of his kids. Other than that we don't argue! FH knows that that is the truth. He told me that it would hurt his feelings if I didn't come along on a "family vacation" I told him "I don't care!"

Eh, lets see what this summer brings us...

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 5:50pm

My answer the one time my DH told me I hated his kids was .." No, I like your kids. It is their behaviour that stinks. Don't you see? By allowing them to behave this way you are setting them up for a VERY difficult adulthood where they are regected because of their anti-social and disrespectful behaviour."

I walked away and went over to Borders to de-steam which involved about $80 worth of books and literary items I didn't really need but it made me feel better without a hangover.

He got a clue. I insisted on hatsa off at the table. opening of doors ahead of adults. I expected no feet on the dinnertable ... sheesh! Moving in with 3 guys was NOT fun.

But when I pointed out that not teaching his sons how to behave and be MEN and GOOD MEN was doing them more disservice than anything in the world.

ktf1988's picture

Submitted by ktf1988 on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 6:55pm

It sounds like you are already so miserable it might be the best time to sit down DH and tell him what HAS to change in order for you to continue in the relationship. If you let him know what the biggest issues are and what kinds of specific immediate changes need to happen, then at least you can be direct. Sitting down and talking about this when you two are alone and calm is best. Hopefully you can both air out your pent up frustration and try to compromise on how whining and bad behavior should be handled. Even parents in a nuclear family have major difficulties sometimes when it comes to discipline....and w step families even more so. If talking doesn't work u could always see a therapist about setting boundaries, or whatever, something. If you are miserable now, what do you have to lose? hope you feel better.

Helpless0987's picture

Submitted by Helpless0987 on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 7:21pm

Thanks everyone!!! It was am extremely long 3 days with them.... Hubby and I are "magically" fine mow that they have went home.... Imagine that lol

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 9:02pm

We just got back from dropping off DH's kid. I'm feeling a bit better but it was a crappy weekend for me. I'm sure DH is all about the Wink later. I'm definitely NOT. Especially after watching him play Disney Dad to his little snookums all weekend and EVERY fricking conversation we had was about HIS F'N kid. :sick:

Do any of you know how many times I've told him that I don't consider conversations about his kid or her skanky-ass mother FOREPLAY??

Mommyto1Stepto2's picture

Submitted by Mommyto1Stepto2 on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 8:53am

I can relate Helpless. I feel so alone when my SS13/15 are here too Sad I am so tired of them ruining our weekends/trips/moods. If it is not one, it's the other. I am sick of it!! I get in a bad mood when they are over, because I get so sick of listening to them whine or having to pick up after them. All they do is come over and play their video games and if we try to do something with them, they complain. ARRGGHH!!