Advice needed about SS15.....any other options????
We have had no contact with Ss15 since oct when he called me a " Fu***** cunt" for not adding a data plan on his cell phone and calling my 15 bd a dirty whore for not loaning him 30 dollars.
This all happened in one weekend. I told dh he was not to come back to the home. We have not heard a word from him...no apology, phone call, nothing.
So this morning dh gets a text from bm " you won't get ss12 for summer days without taking ss15 too."
Dh then explains to me he wants ss12 so maybe we should allow ss15 to come back.
Needless to say my response was not what he wanted to hear....I said HELL NO!
He has made to effort to contact us and apologize and I'm not letting bm set the agenda in MY home.
I told dh ss15 was not coming back here., no ifs ands or buts.
After sulking for 30 mins , dh has the balls to say to me. " this puts me in a difficult position, bm won't let me get ss12 if I don't take ss15 too"
I say "well, I see two options.....don't get ss12 and call her bluff or move out and get an apt. And see ss15 whenever you want too."
That kid is NEVER coming back into my home.
Dh didn't say anything else but left the house with ss12 which is fine with me.
I think it's ridiculous he is ready to give in to bms demands at MY and MY daughters expense!!!
Am I missing something??
Don't tell me to try it and have ss15 here and work it out. .......that ship sailed a long time ago.
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Good for you!!! You and your
Good for you!!! You and your daughter should be your priority
You didn't fall into the "BM wants it so it should be done!" mode...very proud of you.
Good luck on this one
What would happen if he
What would happen if he apologised? Are you open to that? Are you willing to accept it?
I think this all falls back on your DH. He needs to meet with his son and have a man to man talk with him about what is and isn't appropriate in your (plural) home and what behaviour in general is and isn't acceptable and he wants to be the Man then it is about time he grew up and behaved like one.
He also needs to tell his ex what his son called you and your daughter and why. He also need to point out that he would not allow ANYONE to speak about her like that so why should SS15 be allowed to get away with it?
Do you see a pattern here? Your DH is making you out to be the stepmonster when he is behaving like a spoiled brat.
I have had to make my DH call his ex and explain to her why we are taking a certain course of action and how far we are intending to take an issue. I told him it doesn't matter if she likes it or not (the latter is the usual case) but she KNOWS where we stand and how far she can push us.
It doesn't matter if the ex agrees or disagrees with your DH. He has made his point and drawn his line in the sand. Sometimes those boundary lines are drawn by the wrong person ... in this case it seems to be his ex.
And yes, I am still waiting for an apology from my OSS for calling me the same kind of names. He is allowed in the house but DH had better keep him on a tight rein. Right now he is in a half way house due to stupid choices he made with his mothers accquisence so visiting us isn't an option.
No I am not open to an
No I am not open to an apology....it would be insincere. Dh talked to him after he said those things to my daughter and I. Ss15 told dh he would say anything he wanted too about any of us.
Bm knows what he said about me and my daughter...her response " if the shoe fits......"
That's exactly what she texted dh the day we brought ss15 back home after he said those things....
I'm afraid I will divorce dh before i let that monster back back in my home.
Bm has PASEd him out, so he feels he in entitles to say whatever he wants to me or my kids and even dh.
If I received an apology it would just be because bm ordered him to do it, thinking it would get him here for the summer and her to get " a break "
Had I received an apology months ago that was heartfelt and authentic, I may have felt different. Under these conditions.....HELL NO.
I find myself very pissed at dh for thinking my daughter and I should just suck it up and get over it. Had one of my kids EVER spoke to ANYOnE like ss15 spoke to me, CPS would have been called on me. I would have beat my kids ass....seriously, I would have physically hurt them.
For anyone to think I should tolerate that type of abuse or allow my bio daughter to be talked to like that is insane.
I am disgusted with dh and cancer or no cancer there such a thing as self preservation !!!
Fair enough. He had a chance
Fair enough. He had a chance to apologise and hasn't. And obviously he thinks he can say what he likes.
The sad thing is my OSS thought the same thing when he yelled the same thing at me @16 yrs old.
My OSS is now 20 and was allowed to make his own plans since he was 15. His mother subscribes to the School of Life Lessons. Apparently you don't direct or discipline your kids, you let them learn their own life lessons. Even if they end up with a felony charge against themselves and lose a full ride scholarship to college.
He is now in a Halfway House for another month and then on to a 3/4 house. He has to work for minimum wage and actually pay his living expenses for the first time in his life.
I don't see him. I did visit him in jail and he was nice enough. I vowed not to go back there again, it was awful. DH keeps in touch with him but I don't have anything to do with him until I see some attitude change. Yes, I care about him because he is his fathers son. But for now that is where my concern finishes.
In time your SS will work it out. And maybe it will be too late.
I'm on your side, 100% Just
I'm on your side, 100% Just because these kids have options as to their living arrangements, they think they can treat one or any of the adults like crap and fall back on the "other" family to save them. (those of us who grew up in intact families didn't have that option!) Stick to your guns, girlie! You do realize, if DH caves and gets an apartment so he can have both skids for the summer, he has done what is EX wants but not what YOU want. Why is it that simply because they pump out a baby or two for these men, the men think they can control them forever!
I hope dh gets an
I hope dh gets an apartment...but he won't. He knows where his bread is buttered. He wouldn't live like he does now if he left. I have never allowed bm to run the show....my response is always the same when she demands things of dh..." your welcome to move out"
congratulations on having
congratulations on having some standards! So many people let "kids" get away with this sort of thing. And also congrats for recognizing an apology NOW would be insincere. My ss will apologize on demand by dh-but that's it. Never on his own and even his on demand apologies-he takes back later when he's gotten what he wants.
I dont believe that legally bm can keep ss12 home for the summer- I guess it depends on whether your dh wants to take it to court or not. His visitation is not contingent on his brothers.
I would continue to maintain that he is not able to come to the house and let your dh make the choice of whether to pursue some sort of legal action against bm pertaining to ss12's visitation.
Put it back onto the BM.
Put it back onto the BM. Husband needs to let ss12 know he really wants him for this summer visit, but, because of the inappropriate behavior by ss15 that WILL NOT BE TOLERATED, it seems as it is up to ss12 to talk to his mother about his visit.
SS12 needs to tell BM that he wants to visit and he had nothing to do with ss15 being so awful. She should not punish ss12 for what ss15 did.
That would really be nice for ss12 to visit without any stress. I"m guessing it would really be a nice visit. When one of my husband's daughters made it clear she would no longer be visiting, the visit with the other two was so much better and happier. Of course, the daughter missed out on all the fun AND her mother not happy because she was stuck with the sneaky troublesome daughter.
Hold your ground. SS15 is a creep and shouldn't be allowed in the home. But put it back on BM and ss15.
It is amazing to me how much
It is amazing to me how much crap we are supposed to take from Skids & BM's. It is not "normal" to have to be scum on someone's shoe in your own home. My SD13 is more like a sniper. You SS15 seems like he just says what he wants but there it is so there is no guessing. My SD13 is an evil little thing & it is getting worse as she gets older. She will smile at me while running back to her mother with a full report of BS just to gain some brownie points with the evil BM. The worst thing I EVER did to that kid was just not engage with her. I never yelled, screamed, I always just put on a happy face or said NOTHING!!! I treated SD13 like my own for about 5 years but then realized she was smiling at me & sticking a knife in my back at the same time. When I had my BD's I really noticed the nastiness that went on behind my & DH's back. Of course naive DH wouldn't believe that about his perfect little princess.
It has sadly come to that in my home as well...if SD13 is going to be here me & my DH BD's will NOT! I am sick of living under the rules of the 2 evil witches!!! SD13 has recently moved in with BM full time & I am sure my DH is telling her to make an effort for a relationship with me & her half sisters (my & DH BD's) but like you said that ship has sailed. There would be no genuine apology at this point.
So we shall see what happens. I am at the point where I am not sure what DH will do because I am done with SD13 & BM for good
((HUGS)) to you b/c I know EXACTLY how you feel & where u r at!!!
Unreal that DH even thought
Unreal that DH even thought about agreeing. Must be a knee jerk thing. BM gets to say that you have to take both? I don't think so. DH has a right to see SS12. And you have a right to keep psycho boy away from your house. Good for you to stick to your guns on this. What would it teach SS15 if DH allows him to come back? That he can treat his womenfolk like crap? Good one, DH!
Dh just came home....here's
Dh just came home....here's what happened.
Dh " would you be open to having ss15 here and we have a heart to heart discussion about the expectations?"
Me "no"
Dh " are you telling me that my son will not be allowed until you decide when he come over?"
Me " yep"
Dh " that it not going to work for me"
Me " I suggest you start looking for a place to stay .....since bm and ss15 run the show, maybe you can move with them"
Dh " with everything I have been through the last 2 years I was hoping to get more support from my wife"
At this I went off!!!!
" yeah, you have been through a few rough years....ME TOO....who the hell took care of your ass the entire year and half you were off work with leukemia??? Who the fuck stayed in the hospital with you 73 days and slept there every freaking night?? Who the hell cleaned up your vomit and shit and when you were sick from all the chemo and radiation for 6 months??? It sure the hell wasn't your freaking kids or bm....remember your adult kids never came once to see you!!!!! Your ex wife took you to court over life insurance money while you were sick and fucking wheeled in the court room in a wheel chair with a mask on because you were too sick to walk and the judge couldn't even hear you speak because you were so weak....oh and don't forget bm sending me hate emails and text messages because I wouldn't pick up your fucking kids EOWEsince you couldn't drive a car for 6 months BUT bm didn't care she just wanted her break. I've paid my dues to you and I'm DONE.....you don't like it, GET THE HELL OUT and I hope you don't relapse because you ilk be screwed!!!!"
He didn't say another word,but I could tell he was shocked I said all of that....he better think about everything I said because honestly I don't benefit from the marriage at all....he does!!!!!
"So this morning dh gets a
"So this morning dh gets a text from bm " you won't get SS12 for summer days without taking SS15 too.""
DH needs to rip BM a new asshole, drag her to court for threatening to deny him access to his child (SS-12) and he needs to back you on the SS-15 issue.
If my SS-18 had pulled anything similar at 15 to what your SS-15 did I would have thrown him physically out of the house and he would not return until he approached his mother and I, apologize and agreed to very strict rules of behavior and respect to everyone in the home.
Grrrrr!
BLAAAAAPPPPPP!!!!
Thank you butter
Thank you butter ponder.....yes, she is in full force of pasing ss12 too. It's just a flipping nightmare....in EVERY aspect.
You are my hero!
You are my hero!