What's the deal with 15 year old STEP BRATS!!
OMG! I am new to this site. Hi everyone, I'm Rosey. A little background, I have been married to my husband for 6.5 years (been together for more than 10 years). I have a 15 year old Stepdaughter, 3.5 year old son, and a 7 month old son. I am just sick. I am thinking of a divorce because my husband and I just are not seeing eye to eye about raising his daughter. He never married her, heck, they were never in a relationship, just a bootie call issue. She got pregnant, and has been trying to make his live a living hell ever since. I don't communicate to his BM because it's just not a good/civil relationship there. He bareley communicates with her as well - mainly because his daughter is older now. Anyway, this 15 year old has been trying to get pregnant - and she now has succeeded! I am hurt by it all. Her mother is now throwing her out of the house and she has no where to go - but to come to daddy's house. I don't know if I can take this - a 15 year old - who is lazy as hell, in my house while I am helping her raise her child, along with raising my 3 year old and 7 month old. I PRAY CONSTANTLY! I just don't know what to do. Any help will be appreciated.
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Oh, heck no! I didn't agree
Oh, heck no! I didn't agree to raise her baby. I work FULL TIME!! I just feel bad because she has no where else to go. And I would like to say that I stand behind my husband when he says he will take her in. I mean honestly, I wouldn't expect anything different of a man to take his daughter in (pregnant or not) when her mother throws her out. She is just out of control, and the last 3 years (ever since she's been cutting herself - I guess a new thing teenagers are doing to get attention) has been hell for me! This has also lead her into many trips to the psych ward at a children's hospital. I just don't know what to do.
I would not allow that to
I would not allow that to happen. You think you have problems now. I can just see this being bad all the way around. Especially for your children. Tell him and her no!! There has to be someone else who would take her in?? I would also encourage her to adopt this baby out. My husband had my ss at 16 and it has been a mess. Not a good situation for anyone involved. It sounds like our situations are very similiar accept for that I have a 16 yr old ss. It was also a booty call they knew eachother for about a month and got pregnant. She also enjoys making our life hell as well.
I know that my marriage is
I know that my marriage is going to go downhill (it wasn't that far from it anyway) when she comes to live with us. My husband asked me to 'love his daughter as if she was my own' and I can't. She has done too much to me that has even allowed me to love her like she's my own. I love her, no doubt, but I can't say that I love her like she's my own - because literally - she's not.
I can't stand her or her mother. They have done so much to me that I can't even begin to explain.
I feel like I am just defeated. There's no more fight in me.
If she is old enough to get
If she is old enough to get pregnant like adults do and was actually trying to get preggo, then maybe she should act like an adult and find a 1 bedroom apartment, live off assistance if she needs to in order to raise her baby (and see what living life in big girl panties is like).
Or give it up for adoption.
I wouldnt be allowing her to come to my home & raise her baby. At 15 she doesnt know the consequences and you are going to end up being a live in babysitter and cleaning up after her and her new baby.
Good Luck sorry you are going through this stress
I would say the same thing,
I would say the same thing, but my MIL and FIL wouldn't let that happen. They would provide the shelter for her, and my MIL would end up taking care of that baby. I just think it's a whole big mess.
My only thing with this is my
My only thing with this is my MIL is already doing a lot for my husband and I. She watches our 7 month old while we work, and she also watches my 3 year old after he gets out of school (only a couple of hours). I don't want her to be burned out with another baby. They are already in a financial bind as well. Adding another child to their household would ensure they don't get out the financial bind they are in. Plus, I don't want my boys to suffer because their stupid stepsister decided she wants to have unprotected sex and get pregnant.
Thanks Foxie, Not to mention
Thanks Foxie,
Not to mention she was on the birth control shot because she told us she was having sex already. So we took initiative to at least prevent this from happening. Well, I have been telling my husband to make sure her mother is taking her to get the shot because I know that she's still having sex. Well, he failed to do that. And now we have a 15 year old who is also suffering from manic depression and bi-polar - about to have a baby. At first she wanted to keep it, now she wants to give it up for adoption. She's STUPID and CRAZY! I love my husband, but I have really had enough of this. I've been trying to deal with this for the last 10 years. Why should my boys see their mother like this? I owe them a good life, a stable life, better life.
We don't know how far along
We don't know how far along she is. This all came to light on Sunday when she threw up in church (what a way to start off the day with the Lord). My MIL asked her and she told her yeah. I've been seeing her gain a little weight, but this is just ridiculous. Oh, by the way, my husband is 35 and I am 31! What do we look like being GRANDPARENTS that early!!!!!! OMG - I think I am going to be sick!
Wow....all I know is if my
Wow....all I know is if my BFs 17 year old daughter got pregnant and moved in I would be out the door. Don't want to tell you what to do but I hope you find the right choice. I like the above comment about adoption, that would be wise of the 15 year old.
Abortion is never the answer
Abortion is never the answer as posted above. This is a human life we are talking about. There are many families out there who would love to adopt a baby!! I would get with a pregnancy resource center and have her talk to them and they will have a family in mind that is looking to adopt or they can set her up with an adoption agency. This baby deserves a good life and being raised by a 15 year old is not starting this child with the life he/she deserves. Not to mention, you dont deserve this in your life either.
My husband and I are against
My husband and I are against abortion, but my SD15 mother is for it. I also believe it's an easy way out and it really doesn't solve the real issue. However, my SD15 is not equipped to be someone's mother or a baby momma, because her 17 year old bf isn't looking to be with her.
In a way, I think this is a
In a way, I think this is a power-play as well. But my SD15 and her mother doesn't get along at all. She has told us she HATES her mom. But I think it's the bi-polar/teenager talking. However, when my SD15's mom threw her out before, we were there to get her. She didn't want to stay in our house because there were RULES she had to follow. Therefore, she did everything in her power to not stay with us (even setting a fire in her room). I finally bit the bait and said she gotta get out and go back to her mom's house. It's not like I haven't tried to work with her. But to start a fire in your room and I have a 2 WEEK old baby right in the next room, YOU GOTTA GET OUT! Since then, she has been to the psych ward and in and out of hospitals battling depression.
I wish we could say we don't have the room. My stepdaughter knows there's an extra bedroom in our house, and she knows we both work and make good money (her mother doesn't work). So, unfortunately, we can't use that as an excuse.
Yes a fire! My husband
Yes a fire! My husband almost choked her to death when she did that. I couldn't beat her a$$ myself because I had just had a baby via c-section. What makes it bad is when I say she tried to 'burn my house down', my husband down plays it and says 'if my daughter wanted to burn the house down, she would do it.' She had a bucket of water in her room and put it out immediately when the fire alarm went off and we went in her room.' He swears he would never let anything happen to his boys, but I am EXTREMELY protective over my boys since this has happened. I will NEVER trust her with my children. Because I swear it all started when she had to share her father with me. Therefore, I think she will always feel that resentment towards me and to be honest, I will FEEL the same way towards her. I can't stand her.
Question here- Literally
Question here- Literally choked her?
YES, I had to pull him off
YES, I had to pull him off her. He said he wasn't going to kill her, just scare her. What's crazy was she wasn't even trying to stop him. It's like she wanted him to do that to her. The look in her eyes was like go ahead and take my life, I don't want to be here anymore anyway.
Ummm, then i'm thinking her
Ummm, then i'm thinking her cutting, depression and mental issues have something to do w/her dad then. No matter the craziness a father should never practically choke his child to death. I blame both the parents, what crap parents!
Just scare her by choking?? I understand what she did was very alarming, but immediate counseling and intervention would be the first resort. If a child endangers you you shoudl restrain them until they/you are safe. But choking in retaliation is extremely alarming. That is child abuse. It wouldn't surprise me this girl has been around violence in the past and acts this way in response.
I disagree with you -
I disagree with you - respectfully, but disagree. One of the main reasons my SD15 is the way she is is because her whole life, no one told her NO. No one spanked her when she was little. Now, I am for corpral punishment, but she deserved a choking for trying to burn my house down. And she's actually lucky that I was recovering from a C-Section and I couldn't physically attack her. My 2 week old baby is lying in his crib right next door, and you want to play with fire??? WTF? After he got up from her, he did immediately take her to the psych ward at the Children's Hospital. My SD15 has never seen voilence befor - at least not from my husband's side of the family. I can't be 100% sure that her mother never abused her.
As far as her mental stability - she blames a lot on her mother and father. Her mother and father was never 'together'. Her father moved to another state when she was 7/8 years old so he could find work and provide for her financially. My thing is, when can we get passed that. DH has been back for the last 6 years. When is this going to stop? She is literally tearing our family apart.
This is very serious. You
This is very serious. You are setting yourself up to raise SD's child for life. Have you not seen Teen Mom? Seems like all of the teen's moms ended up being on the hook for the babies. Not a good situation as a step-parent.
Please dont let her move in.
Please dont let her move in. Your dh is minimizing her issues and making you feel stupid or guilty for thinking they are serious. I know this so well, as it is what my dh did for years as well. I have carried guilt with me everyday for years because I continued to allow ss to be around my kids after he had bullied them (very seriously) for years. My ss also played with the fire He told us he heard voices to burn down the house. He would light things on fire with the light fixture and lamp in his room-so we had to remove those-he got ahold of a box of kitchen matches and lit everyone of them. I thank God that noone got seriuosly injured over the years.
It doesnt matter if the girl was seriously intending to burn down the house or not-she could have been acting out and accidentally burnt the house down. Fire can get out of control pretty quickly and jsut because she put it out last time does not mean that she will choose to or be able to manage to next time. This is a safety issue for your two small kids. She can go to your MIL's or look into finding some sort of home for unwed mothers-or she can move in with her boyfriend and his parents.
My dh told me the same thing about my ss, by the way. That he never would acutally harm anyone with the fire. I dont get it, are they psychics or what? If you are bold enough to make the intial step then who says you wont go thru with it next time? What parent EVER seriously thinks-"I bet my kid will burn my house down someday"-I am sure all are shocked and surprised when it occurs. Tell your dh to stop being a dummy.
Great advice - thanks you
Great advice - thanks you everyone for the advice.
I talked a little to my husband and she doesn't want to come to our house. THANK GOD! She is just going to stay with her mother. However, she will be here for the summer - unfortunately. I really have to stop worrying so much about her and focus more on my boys. They didn't ask for this. I wish my husband would see what she does and take it for real. Even his brother (my BIL) said 'oh if your daughter wanted to burn the house down, she would burn it down.' Everyone downplays it. And I am getting really sick of it. But I would be wrong if I don't allow her in my house anymore. She comes on weekends. And she before I had my second son, I would allow her to watch my oldest son. NEVER AGAIN. I DON"T TRUST HER WITH MY CHILDREN.
I'm sorry you are going
I'm sorry you are going through this. That would be my breaking point. No pregnant teens in my home. I would probably just have to leave. Good luck to you!!! I hope she doesn't try to stay after the summer.
Honey - She set a fire ?!?!?
Honey - She set a fire ?!?!? I hate to say it but I think this is a her or me ultimatum. You have two young children to worry about.