I left my husband but now i am back
and hopefully things will start working out again, however i am having serious doubts already as i have only been home 1 week and his kids are due to come today for the weekend and i am dreading it. He has told me shit is going to change around the house, the kids have been spoken to about respect and have been told to stop being lazy little bastards. The reason i left in the first place was due to kids bullshit and hubbys inability to see past it. He constantly says yes to ex and kids and neglects to remember that he has another family at home (we have BD2) and by an unfortunate set of circumstances i am 4 months pregnant!!! I was so sick of feeling like the nanny in my own home, told when i have the kids cos BM decided that she wanted to go out etc etc so we had an almightly argument and i left. If i was not pregnant i would not have gone back, i figured it was worth another try.
I love my husband dearly but last night i was thinking i cant get past his asshole kids. I view him now as an extension of them and dont know if i want to do it anymore. I never used to feel this way but after 5 years of bullshit from them BM and DH i just want my life back. I feel like i have given to much to them and nothing for myself.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? have you got past it? I dont want to end my marriage but i am so frightened we will be back at square 1 in 6 months time.
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Ah....sweetie,yep, know a
Ah....sweetie,yep, know a little of what you feel.
I really think if you were to go to a parenting board, you'd probably read moms complaining about their children and takling about serious awful issues their kids are involved with.
Just because your husband has kids and those kids are around you, doesn't mean you get a have a nice visit with them. No, kids are kids.....usually obnoxious and difficult to be around.
If you really love your husband, with that little one on the way, I commend you for giving it another try. It sounds like your husband really wants it to work. You're giving him that chance. Hopefully, he's strong enough to be the father and follow through. Most divorced dads want to be "the friend" and have the kids like them. It doesn't work. Dad is a doormat and kids become manipulators in life. Rules are rules, and your husband meeds to see them through. I believe he will.
My neices and nephews were really difficult with their parents. Often, they were real PIA around me. I mean serious PIA...lie, steal...look me in the eye and tell me the damndest story. They were terrible to their parents. My oldest brother, he's dang near been disowned. My dad won't allow him in the yard. My mom only meets him at a restaurant in public. So it's most kids, they're real challenges. It's rougher for us (step parents) because they're not ours and they say hurtful things that no one else could possibly say.
Just remember, you're not their mother. YO"RE NOT THEIR MOTHER!! You didn't teach them to act like that. They're rude, they're hateful, they're lazy and they don't see it because guess what.....they act like that with their mother!!
Stay calm, remember when they're hurting you, THEY'RE NOT YOURS!! In fact, ask them to their face why they act or talk like that. Ask them who taught them to be that way since you know it didn't come from your home. (let them go home and tell BM that!!) When in public and they misbehave and embarrass you...look at the people close that are watching and apolize. Let them know you did not teach these children to act this way. LEt it embarrass them, they need to be.
You love your husband, you've got your family....at this time right now, those other kids are simply intruders into your life. Hang in there....they eventually move out and the Bulls#!% isn't near as bad as it is right now. It'll still be there, just not as bad.
Good luck, love. I'm on your side and hoping for the best!
Thankyou, i have begun to
Thankyou, i have begun to realise that I am certainly not the one that has taught them to lie and steal and be proud of it... i knew this the whole time i was just so pissed that they were constantly doing it to me despite the fact i had never treated them badly. Hubby is now full aware that i will no longer be the doormat and he shouldnt be either. He does need to man up and stop guilt parenting and start real parenting.
The kids were not our only issue in our marriage, he has bi-polar, drinking and gambling problems, which he is getting on top of now. i just feel that i have tolerated so much from him that i sure as hell dont need it from BM and skids as well, it was just the final straw.... I will not take responsibility for these children anymore and look forward to the few years i have left when they finish school and piss off for good.
Honey, pull back. Make sure
Honey, pull back. Make sure anything you value is under lock and key, hide any special food you are saving for you. And from time to time a faked "feeling like ratshit" illness helps clear the house. Esp. as you are now pregnant anything is possible.
You aren't their mother. Repeat and rinse often "I am not their mother".
If the BM calls wanting to dump the kids and run, tell her you re just off out and she can call your DH for an answer. If she just calls by and leaves them with you alone, call the cops and tell them that your husband's ex wife has dropped her kids off AGAIN on a day your DH is not repsonsible for and you have no idea what to do... blah blah blah.
And never have the kids there when your DH isn't there. If he is at work, they go home to their mother until they prove by their ACTOIONS they are not behaving like a dropkick.
Agreed!
Agreed!
I hate to be the debbie
I hate to be the debbie downer here but isn't this what you posted last week?
"He came in punched me in the legs grabbed my face, threatened to break my nose and then went out and smashed 2 windows with the frying pan. I was told that he was not going to change when it comes to sticking up for skids and doing everything for them so if i dont like it i should fuck off. So after 5 years of the shit i finally did. The only problem is i am pregnant and now looking at a future of doing it alone."
What are you doing??? I think his kids are the least of your problems. Your baby would be far better off not being raised in an environment like this. You deserve so much better than this too!
Agree very strongly. I went
Agree very strongly. I went back and read you previous blogs. Sounds like a no win situation for you. Win-win for DH, BM and SKs.
Yep, i know i am an idiot,
Yep, i know i am an idiot, and since monday like i said am starting to doubt i have done the right thing
If you are doubting going
If you are doubting going back that is your answer - get out sweetie and get away from this man!!!! You say you are pregnant and he did this to you - please get away from this abuser!!!
Yeah i know, i guess i just
Yeah i know, i guess i just really wanted to try one last time for my kids, we are continuing counselling but in my heart i know that the "nice, supportive" husband will not really last. At least if it comes down to leaving for good i know i have given it my best. But i also know i will never ever allow myself to be spoken to like shit or abused ever ever again, my self esteem has improved since i left.