Hubby never says no to BM
I am so sick of it all, For the past 5 years we have had to deal with BM crap, she is constantly changing custody days, or sending the kids over with orders from her.
Once again the BM has doubled up weekends (with us) for the kids so she can swap her weekends YET AGAIN. We had them last weekend and therefore should have them every second weekend. But no she sent a text to SS13 telling him to tell hubby they are staying again this weekend.
Now DH and I have had countless fights over this shit, i am tired of being told when i have his children, it is me that takes them to school, cleans up, cooks does washing etc. After the last almighty fight DH and i had he promised me it wouldnt happen again and he would tell her NO. Now it has happened 2 times since.
Then he calls me and tell me we have the kids, i get upset and then he abuses the shit out of me, telling me how he is sick of my shit...now he knows full well why i am pissed off but i am the asshole all the time, I have been the asshole for the past 5 years. Not BM of course, he just does whatever she says and then i cop it.
I have my own BS12 which i then have to swap weekends to suit his kids plus we have a BD2 of our own, DH seems to forget that there are other family members involved here. I honestly have no strength to fight this anymore, i am sick of being 2nd best, He does everything fun when his kids are over and nothing when it is just us. I really want to leave but i am 3 months pregnant (accidental obviously) i am so miserable and honestly think life would be easier to raise my own kids on my own...
There is a lot more to this story that makes me feel so miserable but the breaking point is being disrespected and having no say in my own home. I have dealt with a lot in this relationship but so far i have handled it, DH has bipolar and is recovering from alcohol abuse and i have been through it all with him, it has been a rough road.
I need help and advice
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Comments
I don't know what advice to
I don't know what advice to give you sorry. I'm going thru the EXACT same thing. I've told hubby a million times that he needs to tell BM no an he says he will, an he does like 1 or 2 times then starts backing down.
I wish you luck!!
Oh i am kinda glad i am not
Oh i am kinda glad i am not alone but it is heartbreaking for us to feel last place, they are quick to tell us no but not the EX. How do you get through it?
Okay. Listen...your family is
Okay. Listen...your family is the most important family because without it, the rest of the ingrates cease to function.
You have to instill upon dh that THIS family is the family's ass he should kiss.
He is putting you BELOW BM! He needs to STOP doing this IMMEDIATELY!
You demand to be put first (trust me, i was nice too long). Ask DH who he is married to...her or you....kids have no relevance because they are just details. They will be gone and you will still be left holding the bag.
You need to own this and demand your way. Stand up to the bully woman! If you need help message me. You are worthy and important, don't forget that! Just because some "man" demeans you, doesn't mean you are wrong, it just means he is deep in his delusion!
"You demand to be put first
"You demand to be put first (trust me, i was nice too long). Ask DH who he is married to...her or you....kids have no relevance because they are just details. They will be gone and you will still be left holding the bag." ~
DITTO!! This is something you MUST MUST say to him. I said something similar to my DH "who are you married to exactly?" me or your XWIFE! because the way I see it, you are still married to her by meeting all of her demands and I will not be #2 to anything or anyone.
My DH got it...he started to say "no" and if BM attempted to guilt him into something I would tell him, "no! you are not doing it." After several times, it stopped. After a year he sees things differently and is grateful for the life we have together - without the influence of the narcissist BM.
However, my DH has never verbally abused me or anything. So, in your case I think you need to have a one-on-one conversation with DH without fighting or blame and just tell him how you feel. How his decisions make you feel. He needs to know this and needs to react approiately. If he doesn't then you have your answer. He will not change and it's probably best that you change before you believe you are of no value. Because you are just the opposite.
Value yourself enough to explain to him what you feel and think, if he doesn't attempt to see things with your eyes and your heart, then maybe he is too blind for his own good. If you need to remind him as to why he left this BM woman, you need to do that. Sometimes, they are so wrapped up in doing the right thing for the kids they forget about everyone else. Not that it's an excuse, but it's a possiblity that he may be living.
Communicate to him your worries, he should be affected by it at some level. If he is like my DH it will take him a couple of days to think about before he starts to communicate back to me about his feelings and thoughts.
Anyway, in any case...please hangup the phone or walk away if he is being verbally abusive. You don't deserve it!
Mines has done the same. He
Start to try and predict what bm will do. Make arrangements for the dates you should have free with dh. Like going to your family, doing something with your child, going for a meal or movies and book tickets. Don't tell him till you have booked and say its a special time with him. Don't mention his kid so he don't realise what your doing. That way you then put him in trouble if he breaks it. Bm will lose power, she is playing a game and loving it. Now its time for the table too turn.
Recent result dh was so mad at bm because he was getting *hit because our lives were miserable because of her games and our plans were falling through that he reduced her too the heap of *hit that she really is.
I'm gonna start a blo/forum for us women to update ideas for out witting weak husbands who are manipulated and bm who think they can beat us and force us to leave. Start updating what has worked and what you tried so we can learn from each other.
So bookmark me and stay posted. Let the games begins
What a great idea, we need to
What a great idea, we need to fill each other in on tactics that work...
My dh tried to pull this on
My dh tried to pull this on me when he first got together 10 years ago. BM would call and say, "I'm not picking up ss until Saturday because I have errands to run and I want to go to the grocery store"-dh had custody she had eowe. Dh would say sure-even if he wasnt going to be home. I still remember blasting him for that one. At that point I had 2, 3, and 4 year old, worked full time-and I needed to go to the damn grocery store too which was a lot easier to do with 2 toddlers vs 3. Fast forward 10 years-ss lives with bm and doesnt spend 5 minutes here if dh is not home. Some of these men are like the skids we talk about. They just need firm limits and boundaries.
Wow I had a similar thing hun
Wow I had a similar thing hun with BM constantly changing the times and places DH picks SD6 up from and always at the very last minute so once again we'd have to change our plans. In the end I told DH it had to stop but he told me he's fed up of me always making problems!! I knew I couldnt carry on living such an unpredictable life so in the end I really sat DH down and told him what it was doing to me. I stayed calm (somehow!!) and said I know he wants to be there for SD as much as possible and I love her too but he is also a husband as well as a dad so he has to make time for us as well. What made it worse is if ever DH had to change the weekend he had SD (and only for a valid reason eg car broke down) it was always a huge deal and she would make him feel guilty saying SD is crying because you cant be bothered to pick her up!
I also have the same problem where DH goes out of his way to make plans for when SD comes to stay (which I understand totally) but when its just me and him we never go out anymore!! We used to go out all the time then you settle into a routine and the romance and date nights get forgotton.
Maybe try booking a little break even just for a couple of nights- tell DH a month in advance so he can tell BM he is busy that weekend so wont be able to have the kids. Another good idea is to give BM a written schedule of the weekends you and her should have the kids. If she changes it once or twice then let her off but anymore than this and she's simply taking the piss!