I finally told him
After seeing a psychologist for depression and anxiety i have realised the reason i am struggling so badly with skids is due to my husband... He never disciplines them and he just lets them tell me lies and then go back to their mother and lie as well. For example... i took them to their pony club (as mentioned in previous blog) and it turned out their mother and her mother were already there so i got mad as they could have picked them up!!! well i asked SD9 if they were pissed that i took them? her reply to me was "yes they said that why is that dog dropping you off when it should be your father" mind you it was a work day for both of us so i sacrificed my time to take them so DH can pay that mole CS.
I told DH about this so he asked SS12 if it were true, SS12 said no that didnt happen...So who is lying??? regardless of which one of them is.
So i say "so SD9 is fibbing to me then?"
DH: "well just dont ask her"
now this made me furious, DH does nothing and says nothing to either child and just tells me not to ask them!!!! It was just one simple question it is not like i grill them about everything all the time.
It is not the first time they have lied, it happens a lot, SD9 tells me all the time SS12 goes back to his BM and says a lot of bad things about me, he even accused me of hitting him once, he has said i dont make him school lunches but i do for other kids etc etc, he has stolen off my son and gone home to BM and gloated about it. SD9 dobbed him in straight away. However SD9 can be manipulative and lies a lot as well. So over time this has upset and angered me as i do my best to make these kids happy and dont appreciate them lying to me and about me.
DH does nothing......he doesnt want to upset his kids, he defends them saying that that is the best way they deal with BM cos she is jealous and wants to hear bad things about me and it makes the kids life easier at home with her. What a joke, it is unacceptable so now i am in therapy partly due to this happening and i finally explained to DH how much is upsets me because i have never been able to really tell him before cos it ends up in a massive fight. When it comes to his kids they are always right.
Now i am waiting on the consequences of telling him..tough luck i needed to cos i am the one on Xanax for panic attacks due to stress.
I asked him to consider how he would feel if my son were doing it to him, he said he wouldnt care but i said bullshit of course you would care if he was telling his dad horrible things about you that were not true and if my son was constantly lying to him. hopefully he will think about that.
Sorry this is so long
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Comments
Yup, I'm with V. Don't pick
Yup, I'm with V. Don't pick them up, drop them off, or otherwise run around for them. You get no respect from BM and her mother, none from the skids and DH is leaving you hanging.
I'm glad you are going to a therapist. Take really good care of yourself emotionally. Make a pact with yourself to only match what effort other people are putting in to making your blended family work. So far thats zero from BM, zero from the skids (who are old enough to at least have respect if nothing else), and DH... well, I'll let you score him on effort.
Hang in there, but take good care of you. You dont deserve to be suffering depression, anxiety and panic attacks for these people.
I agree you should disengage
I agree you should disengage yourself from transporting the kids around now.
Also, I do have to agree with your DH somewhat on asking the kids if their mom was upset about dropping them off. What purpose does it serve other than it will make you upset? You cannot control others actions, what you can do is eliminate what you *can* control that causes your stress, which in this example would be asking the kids if their mom was upset. Who cares if BM was upset that you dropped off the kids, let that be something that bothers HER, not YOU.
If you are expecting DH to stand up and tell BM to keep her mouth shut, I'm telling you from experience that doesn't work, and often only makes a situation worse b/c BM knows now that it gets to you and will do it even more.
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