I've had my concerns throughout the years, and I'm tired of remaining in limbo. I wrote these concerns to a psychologist, who suggested my 12 year old stepson may have conduct disorder and I should be very concerned. My husband has minimized SS12's actions throughout the years. It's difficult to be patient and sympathetic to my SS12. Not only does he seem to lack a moral compass, but my own kids are around him. I understand some of his problems may have been caused by his chaotic early childhood, and if that's the case, it's unfortunate. However that is not what I am seeking to focus on. I want to know if anyone else has had a stepchild that had conduct disorder and carried the traits into late teens/early adulthood, with APD, or sociopath? Here's the deal:

When I met him he was 5 and he would threaten my husband to burn down the house or smash a computer if he didn't get his way. He threatened to stab his Grandma and Aunt with scissors if they didn't let him win. When my biological son, who's now 5 (BS5) was 1 or 2, I witnessed my BS5 smiling and calling out my SS12's name. My SS12, without knowing I was watching, growled meanly in his face and squeezed his ears until he cried. Bruises showed up later.

Two of my husbands friends, early on in our relationship (when SS was 5 or 6) laughed about how when they were alone with my SS12, that he bragged about getting anything he wants from my husband, and having him wrapped around his finger. My SS had also told me early on (again, 5 or 6 years old) that his Dad will believe anything he says, even if it's not the truth, so when my husband entered the room, my SS made up a lie *can't remember what it was, something stupid, like he jumped over the couch or something) and smirked at me while my husband ate it up. I tried to inform my husband that my SS was putting on a little act, and I watched while my SS continued with his Bull sh-ing, and, as my SS predicted, my husband (bf at the time) believed it.

Around age 8 or 9 we got a call from his principal asking if we had a gun in the house bc he threatened to blow off a peer's head because he said something he didn't like. Around age 9 or 10 we received a call from a principal (different school) that he had been bullying a 1st grader and another kid (who happened to be overweight).

Around age 10 my husband decided to let him have an airsoft gun, against my better judgment. Anyway, one of our neighbors complained that him and a friend were shooting in her yard, aiming at and scaring away her birds, and leaving those annoying pellets all over her lawn. When we had a talk with him about not doing that, and how it's cruel to try and injure a bird, he first blamed his actions on his friend. Because his friend did it, he did it. When we didn't accept that, he looked at my husband and said "It's your fault. You shouldn't have let me have the gun then!" I wanted to smack that kid so bad. I did agree he shouldn't have had it. But I also knew my SS refused to take responsibility for what so obviously was something he chose to do.

A couple years ago he became inseperable with a boy in his class. But one day when they were at our house, my SS12 was pretending to be mad at his friend. He went on to tell him to go home. The boy proceeded to try and casually wipe the tears off his face, and once my SS12 saw that he made him cry, began to laugh. He thought it was "fun and easy to mess with him". After awhile, I stopped seeing the boy and found out from my SS12 that the boy didn't want to be friends anymore. My SS12 claimed to not know why but proceeded to express his annoyance that he had just bought him a video game for his birthday so he should forgive him.Well I found out later through the boy and his Mom that my SS12 would humiliate the boy in front of others at school, and the boy had enough.

My SS12 enjoys gossip and will often voluntarily share it with us. He told my husband and I that a kid at school was talking about bringing pine needles to smoke (like weed) at school. We all laughed about what a dumb idea that was. The next day my SS12 told us that the kid got suspended and that he expressed his sympathy to the kid. My husband and I asked him how he got in trouble, and my SS12 replied that he didn't know how he got caught. Later that week during parent-teacher conferences his teacher mentioned how he appreciated SS12 coming forward with the information about the kid. My husband and I were perplexed as to why SS12 would lie. My opinion is he told on the kid in order to watch the drama unfold, but lied to us to make us think differently of his intentions. We never got any good reason out of SS12 and he said the reason he told on the kid was he was "scared of a fire starting" (I didn't believe that but he later contradicts himself anyway).

A year ago my SS12 had his birthday at a waterpark. When I was rounding up the boys at the end of the day, his friends informed me SS12 was about to push a friend in the water. I intercepted but later found out earlier that day, in front of everyone (including SS12) the friend fell out of the intertube and was unable to swim. He was flailing his arms and crying, and another friend had to save him out of the deep water. It was after witnessing the incident that my SS12 decided to push him in the water. With tears in my eyes I asked him how he could try to humiliate, scare, and harm a friend that did nothing to him. His emotionless and annoyed response was "It's not like he'd drown" Not only did the friend do nothing to provoke reltaliation, but none of my SS12s friends wanted anything to do with it . . . there was no peer pressure . . . my SS12 came up with it and tried to act it out all on his own.

Found a picture on his phone early in the summer of a small fire in the woods. He blamed everything on his friend, and went on to say he was against it. But why, then, did you take a picture of it and not ever tell us of the incident? (Recall the previous year when his excuse for snitching on the pine needle smoking kid was because he was afraid a fire could possibly happen).

My SS12 for some reason will tell me negative irrelevant things about his friends. He told me that his friend steals money from his brother. When his friend found out I knew, he said "There's plenty that SS12 doesn't want you to know, but I won't snitch on him", as he angrily looked at my SS12, while my SS12 focused somewhere else in the room, playing dumb. Again, he later conradicts himself because he ends up being a theif himself. He's worse than the friends he gets in trouble with, because he doesn't have the loyalty to them that they have for him.

Recently SS12 and a friend were caught by police (hiding in the bushes) after trying to break into a building that contained concession and money. WHen the police asked if they were the ones who also tried to break in earlier in the week, they lied, and my SS12 went so far as to blame it on other kids at their school. The truth came out eventually after the police scared them with the possibility of charges. My SS12 had taken my husbands hammer, and told us all on both occasions they were riding bikes to play baseball. He still only admits to wanting to look around in the building, and possibly getting candy, because he wanted it. I asked him why he didn't ask for money (he receives allowance, and also offer extra chores for extra money but he always declines extra work). He had no reason as to why. I later found out he has stolen snacks from the gas stations he frequents as well. Never got caught though. I just bluffed to get the truth. That's the only way I really get the truth.

What you also need to know is the extra violence. My BS5 is always showing up with bruises, bumps and cuts after playing football or wrestling out of my sight. Even my BS5 is able to wrestle gently with my 2 year old son (BS2). I've repeatedly told SS12 not to be so aggressive, BS5 is only 5. A year ago I found a video of my SS12 roughing up my BS5. My BS5 cried out that it hurt, and my SS12 only smiled and kept on even rougher. I also have overheard my BS5 cry while my SS12 coached him "This was just playing, Ok? And don't tell". I even heard my SS12's friend tell him, "wow dude, that's messed up!" After hearing about a fight with a friend, I asked SS12 if he was upset. He replied that he wasn't, because "I dominated him. He's weak."

I've found writings of his that he is going to rule the world. He's quick-witted known for his jokes but gets mad if anyone dares to dish back. His own friends admit he's only comfortable with their group because he feels in control.

I've never seen him cry out of sadness. I've only seen his eyes filled with tears while angrily staring at us (if he's punished or confronted for something he did).

He can be very polite and charming. Ever since I knew him, he would come home with toys from "friends" He is very skilled at getting people to give him things. Now that I know of his criminal ways, I'm sure there's a combination of charm and stealing going on.

I didn't think this was common among boys, but my SS12 talks behind his friends back. When one's gone, he slams them, when the other one is, he smack talks the other. He has two friends that don't like eachother very much, but he likes to hang out with both at the same time, and seems to stir up drama between them. He'll excitedly tell me about the chaos created. I think he enjoys it. The thing is, when the two friends are without him, they get along fine, and I've witnessed it because they drove in my car on a way to SS12's bday party. It's when SS12 is involved that things get crazy . . .

He's always lazy in school. He really doesn't seem to care. He's intelligent though. When we force him to try he can do well. He's been tested for a learning disorder and the psychologist sais there is no learning disorder. He is choosing to not try, and it's probably immaturity. That was years ago and he still hasn't matured. When I asked him who was going to take care of him when he was 18, he instinctively replied, "My dad?" He wasn't trying to be funny, but I'm surprised he said that because his father talks to all the time about goals and the importance of an education.

Anyway, I feel like all love, energy, time, and resources are wasted on him. He doesn't seem to value anything but his entertainment. It seems that as long as he's not bored, then he's happy, even if he's causing pain and destruction all around him. He exhausts me with his endless excuses and "I forgot". Our next step is a psychologist, but we've done that before and doesn't seem to work.

If anyone has experience with this, please let me know. A psycholgist is probably not going to be able to tell me they were a stepparent to a kid like this, and how it turned out. I'm undecided on religion, but I'll take prayers my way! Thanks!