I kinda sorta am in the same scenerio. But mine is more that the BM keeps having bills and finding crap that she "needs" help paying. I push my SO to pay for what I totally think he should, but the BM has all this money to drive a nice SUV, go get pedicures and manicures. She is always dressed nice (while the kids aren't.) They have the money to eat out and do all this stuff like Sea World (ALL THE TIME) and etc.

He wants us to get a checking account together but I won't do it until he puts his foot down with her. She took the eldest to go get braces without his knowledge and now just informed us that our portion is $90 a month. We knew she would need braces but she did it because the SD cried and demanded that they be put on right now without waiting another month. I don't have a problem helping out financially for his children but I will be damned with the BM is going to go behind our backs and do somethign and then demand money for something we weren't prepared for or had no say in (when in my SO's divorce) medical procedures and dental procedures should be made up by BOTH parents not just one. And I refuse to have MY money deducted from MY checking account without my consent.

Just explain to him that you are not only looking out for what is best financially for you but reassure you are looking out for his best interest especially since nothing has been in writing. Good luck!

I believe that a marriage is a partnership between equals. If both spouses work and earn money, it goes in the family coffers.

My wife and I have always had joint accounts with the exception of our individual IRA accounts.

I can understand how your DH would feel the way he does. I can also understand your concerns. However, joint accounts have nothing to do with CS. Your DHs income, BMs income and parenting time is all that is considered for establishing CS. What account the money is in or comes from is irrelevant.

The only risk I am aware of with joint accounts and CS is that if the state attempts to access your account if CS is over paid and they want to return money. This has much more impact on the CP who receives CS.

We are the CP household for my SS-18 and have been since he was 1yo. Once we established income withholding from BioDad's pay checks we opened a separate receiving account with an on-line bank for the direct CS deposits. Upon deposit the money is automatically shuffled through a few accounts before it ends up in our household operating account.

We do this so that if the CSE office screws up and over pays CS they can not take money out of our accounts without calling and asking for it.

That said, CS has never covered more than a fraction of what it costs to raise SS. I do not differentiate my income from his mom's (my wife) income or CS. It is all income to the family and gets used to support the family or invest.

My biggest concern with your situation is that lack of a CO establishing custody, visitation and CS. If your DH and BM have a sound relationship focused on the best interests of your Skid, great. But, having a CO in place protects both BioParents and the Skid should that currently reasonable relationship go south.

Rather than insisting on separate accounts I would insist on a Custody/Visitation/Support CO. Direct payroll withholding of CS prevents any CSE, court or BM access to your accounts since the CS comes out of your DH's employer’s accounts and not your joint accounts.

IMHO of course.

i'd tell him you'd like to be a team player, but he isn't holding up his end of the bargin by getting his affairs in order so you know exactly what financial shape the team in. Until he does so, there is little you can do to help out the team, since he is unwilling to join said team. In truth, it's looking to me, like he hasn't left BM's team yet.

Good luck.

can you take the time to sit down and figure out over the past year, just exactly how much money has been paid to BM (or because of BM)? Maybe if your DH can see it in black and white it might make the lightbulb go off? Also maybe if you ask DH how he would feel if the roles were reversed and his hard earned money was going to an ex of yours?

I agree with Rags to an extent, but in as much as marraige is a partnership and monies in the household go to the "family" cause, you should also have some say given that you are a contributing member as to what gets paid etc.

I am wondering if since he has no formal CO in place is he maybe concerned that if he goes down that road that he might have to pay her more? Do they have a decent handshake agreement or is she alreay raking him over the coals?

I would probably push the issue of getting CO support and CO visitation. The other poster nailed it when they said it protects "BOTH" parties. Your husband and the BM can always negotiate on figures but I would make sure that the courts are aware and there is a legal record of it.

My DH and I have kept separate accounts from the very beginning. All accounts are in my name and remain in my name. This is ONLY about keeping $ from BM. We sued her for college money for my SS and she had a fit when she found out there were no joint accounts. They only thing my husband had was $100 in his checking account. She knew if we made it to court she, on paper, looked like she had more money. This is done to protect us from the money grubbing BM.

I should also add that we are NOT married yet and I have biokids and I receive support from my exhusband who always pays on time and always gives extra especially when there is a holiday approaching, or sports, activities. I am actually very blessed and fortunate that I don't have to deal with an ex who doesn't pay or do anything for his kids. We have a great relationship and had a very civil divorce. Anyway, I won't get a joint account because I refuse for my SO's ex to come and demand money from him or have money taken out of an account because she went behind his back and made medical decisions or financial decisions that are clearly stated that the decisions are to be made 50/50. Right now we are unable to take her name off the house so, because in his divorce the ex is required to pay an ex amount for some sort of home loan that she and my SO took our for HER mom. If she doesn't pay that loan or misses a payment (which she has a few times) they go in HIS checking account and take the money.

Sorry, she isn't touching MY kids money....and until this his last child reaches 18 and he has no more FINANCIAL obligation to his ex. I won't put his name on my account and I don't want my name on his.