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I'm Tired of Being Your Secretary, Damnit!

StepDeux's picture

I am so sick of my SO treating me like his damn secretary when it comes to his child custody crap. I have been pretty quiet about what I do for a living, but suffice it to say I work in the legal industry and do a lot of what he needs done for a living.

That said, I don't think that gives SO an excuse to be completely ignorant about where his paperwork is, what things are, etc. and I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired of him always asking me for things that he should be able to find himself!

I have organized him a zillion times. I have shown him how to locate information for himself and he STILL calls me everytime he needs to find something. There is no reason I should know his case number by heart, but I do! Sad

It's not enought that I have to deal with this crap all day to make a living, but then to have to do it at home too is just getting to be too much!

Please don't suggest that he get an attorney because, obviously, if that was something he could afford then he would have done that a long time ago. Please don't suggest that I don't help him either because I can't, in good concience, sit back and watch someone get screwed when they lack the skills and know how to navigate a system that I know well.

Still, that doesn't excuse his own personal responsibility for staying on top of his own stuff!! Surely this is a prime example of why BM sent that email full of lies hoping to break us up because she knows that without me, he's not necessarly screwed but would have a much harder time.

GET IT TOGETHER, SO AND HANDLE YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS! Ah... that felt good. Smile

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Wink Are you married to my DH? I am very organized and do NOT understand why everyone else is not the same!!! I can not stand clutter and things out of place and I know where EVERYTHING is in our house. DH calls it controlling. Lol. I think it is mainly a man vs woman thing.

StepDeux's picture

I'm sure that's part of it, but I think part of it is laziness due to SO knowing that I'm on top of everything so he feels like why bother, you know? He's normally pretty well organized so I don't get it. Men, I tell ya! lol...

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

I think many of us stepmothers are treated this way, or so I have noted. I feel for you. We should bill out by the hour, IMO.

StepDeux's picture

My point exactly. Not to mention I really dislike my job as it is. If I loved it maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but yeesh... don't I ever get a break?

Alison12345's picture

I SO understand this! I'm also in law and handle everything related to family law issues for my husband AND then constantly feel like I need to run when he screams "Where the F*** is my hammer?? Did your son take it AGAIN??" It's always where he left it at his last UNFINISHED job around our house!

Whew! Felt good to get that out! At least misery has company, I guess....lol

ddakan's picture

OMG...you could give your left nut to save one of these skids and then they would say....NOT YOUR KID HAG!

WTF is wrong with these people. It's classic abuse. Ha ha, I just invented step mom syndrome.

STEP MOM SYNDROME: when you give your all to thankless beings and they stab you repeatly telling you you're worthless and have no right to be a good human.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

or...they ask for your help in matters and if it does NOT go exactly their way as they hoped, it is all your fault.

happymostly's picture

i know this feeling! I dont work in law, but it really interested me (all the child custody laws and such) so I spent alot of time of law websites and such and got alot of information from it. dh sometimes will ask me questions about certain things too! and besides custody stuff, he wants me to go to the store on my way home from work AFTER HE'S BEEN HOME ALLLL DAY LONG! The LAST thing I want to do is go to the f'in store, when he's had all day to go! lol or he will ask me to look up directions to a place. I'll look it up from my phone, but we both have the same freakin phones, so they do the same thing! He's just lazy or dependent i dont know! lol.

ddakan's picture

WTF? Is your name DDAKAN? LOL

I have been DHs legal assistant for 10 years. If I wasn't so smart he'd have paid twice as much in child support, she'd have sole custody, she'd continue to get extra handouts for lunch money....blah blah blah...and she'd be up his ass 24/7.

He doesn't even know who or what bills we have. He does know that we have dishnetwork, but that's about it!!! LMAO. He just hands me the check and gets his allowance. If I died today, he wouldn't even know how to check the mail. Fortunately, our 9 year old son could help him out on that one.

I don't mind doing all the b.s. because when I have a psychotic break, he loves me through it and it all comes out fine in the end.

myhusbandswife's picture

I used to give a one-week warning before court date: If you want my help with organizing everything, tell me NOW. Yet, it always came down to 9:00pm the night before (only slight exaggeration). He's a beyond-the-last-minute kind of guy, whereas I am a prepare-for-the-preparation-process kind of girl. Smile So, yeah, because it would benefit BOTH of us, I ended up bleary-eyed, angry, etc. in order to help. YOU WILL TOO! Wink Here's my solution: It's a FACT that he would have to pay a "professional" a reasonable fee to do exactly what you're doing to help with all that crap. NEGOTIATE your "pay" ahead of time: a backrub with no hidden intentions, dinner alone at a nice restaurant, a day to yourself to do whatever you want, you get the idea. It's a win-win for both of you.

StepDeux's picture

I do this too but usually, without fail, he STILL doesn't have his act together and still calls me the day of, and while he's at Court. So far, I have not gone to Court with him but I am actually going to the next hearing. I am so not looking forward to that one. I know I'll just want to tell him to shut up and let me talk to the judge. lol...

And, what gets me is I tell him what to say and what not to say and he ALWAYS says things that are harmful to himself. I mean, he's being honest, but still, if it's not asked you don't volunteer information!

I've tried to coach him on how to answer questions, and to not get emotional or angry at the judge because it doesn't help. Does he listen?

Anyway, the hearing is next week so we'll see how that goes...