Going the Distance - How Do We Stay "Connected"?

It is natural to emotionally distance oneself when in pain.

I did it to DH and he did it to me the last time we deployed and as a result, our marriage suffered.

This time, the children are older and know all about distance and detachment.
How on earth do I keep us "emotionally" connected? We will do the Skype thing and phone calls but at the end of the day, what happens when there is nothing to talk about and we have those awkward moments? Then what do I say?

There are books on couples and questions to ask each other that DH and I will attempt this time but is there one for conversation starters with kids? This is going to be a 13 month deployment and I am so worried they will treat me like a stranger in my own home when I return.

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DH and I are both military.

DH and I are both military. We've been together almost five years. Between deployments and schools, the longest we've lived together is 9 months. This year, we have lived together in our house for 8 weeks plus a few weekends.

We have a routine. We talk 4 times a day, but I know you can't do that while deployed! I usually call him once a day when I'm OCONUS. We talk about day to day stuff - nothing much really; the weather, the food; I always ask about the animals and how his job is going. There's a lot of mushiness, I guess.

How old are the kids? My SD will be 15 next month, and I don't see her much at all. We email back and forth some, but never talk on the phone. She and I have a pretty good relationship though - she's a loving kid, and accepts me no matter what.

It looks like there's tons of books out there for families and deployments - have you looked around Amazon to see if any of them fit you?