I fear for the future

I have noticed recently a lot of articles and broadcasts about how "old fashioned families" are a thing of the past and "blended families" are becoming more and more prevelant and are paving the way for the future. In that case, I fear the future. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the days are gone of getting married then having kids with ONE person and staying together. Now it's meet someone, have kids (married or not), split up, both meet new people, reproduce with them, maybe split up with that person blah blah blah.

As DH and I were discussing having a family in the future, I became very wary of what it's going to be like. I don't want to bring children into this world that have to deal with all this weird crap??? I remember when I was growing up, everyone's parents were married. One of my closest friend's parents had merely discussed the posibility of divorce and it was like it was the end of the world and such an awful and unheard of thing to happen. None of my friends had step parents or step siblings.

Many of us on this site deal with skids that are entitled, bratty, rude, inconsiderate, nasty people. So this is who mine and dh's kids will be friends with??? Will we have to worry about any kids we will have going over to another child's house that does not have a family structure, and not knowing what "kind" of adults are there? We will have to deal with the "why does XXX have two mommies and two daddies?" If the skids of the future act as poorly as they do today, how would we even be able to deal with any of them visiting child at our home??? Would you have to walk on eggshells when discussing their parents?

I am sick of this shit. I am sick of people screwing with no thought of the consequences, or even better too much selfish thought of the consequences. I am tired of nobody giving a flying f in regards to getting married and then starting a family and having kids with one person and one person alone. I'm tired of society shrugging off the fact that people are reproducing like rabbits with several different people and it's now "just the norm". I'm pissed that when DH and I do have kids that we will have to worry about these things because some people can't get their moral compass pointed in the right freaking direction.

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Oh yeah PLEASE gag me

Oh yeah PLEASE gag me now....BM's reason for not having an abortion was because "it was against her religion." Soooooo screwing when you aren't married isn't against it too?? Ugh... And what else kills me is that she didn't think of adoption either? Why would you want to have a kid with someone you barely know and who flat out tells you to your face that they DON'T want to have that kid with you?

In her situation, it had

In her situation, it had everything to do with him. They were together for a blink of an eye, he had a lot of $$$, things were rocky in the "fling", so she told him she was on bc and she just happens to find out she is pregnant after they split up. She just wanted $$$ and to try to trap him. She was too young to even know who she was yet. She had no stable job, no home, and obviously was not married. She had no business having a kid. If she wasn't responsible enough to learn how to take b.c. and protect from getting pregnant, then imho, not responsible enough to be a mother. There were times when I was younger when the thought of having a kid was a nice thought and I had several friends who already had kids. BUT, I had enough forethought to wait until I was married and could provide my child with a secure family life until that happened. A child isn't something to just "have" because it's a part of you, it should be something to PLAN between a loving married couple to raise together to be part of each other. imho of course.

I know there are two sides of

I know there are two sides of the story, but given what I have seen of the kind of person this woman is, and the unsavory and sneaky underhanded things she has pulled, i am more than inclined to believe his side if you know what i mean

When I first came into the

When I first came into the relationship, I did so acting like, what I thought, was what an adult should act like. I did not try to be her friend but I tried to be cordial and friendLY. Well, I got shot down like a buck in deer season. She is very spiteful, vengeful, hateful individual who only cares about herself. Everything is about $$$$, never about the best interest of the kid. She has drug more guys through that kids life than I can count, and oddly enough, has somehow managed to learn how to use b.c. with them. If my first hand accounts of her negative actions wasn't enough to solidify dh's story, third party accounts have deff done it. I don't want to giveoff the impression that I don't like/trust/care for BM because she is simply BM, it's because I think she's a piss poor excuse for a human being and mother and I don't have respect for anyone who has a kid for selfish reasons.

Good to see love the mall is

Good to see love the mall is still her insightful, cheerful self! What’s happenin girl?!? Keep spreadin the love!

Jeeeezus!

Tofurkey, I don't have to go

Tofurkey,
I don't have to go by my DH's account of what happened in their marriage. BM blatantly admitted to me that she got pregnant with SD14 on purpose because she thought DH was going to leave her and she didn't want to have to get a job. She wanted to guarantee her child support, I guess.
Right then, I knew the bitch was crazy. Only a truly stupid person would have a baby with someone they were having serious marital problems with for a paycheck.

Oh trust me, even if DH

Oh trust me, even if DH hadn't told me the circumstances regarding BM, I could have figured it out by her actions and just the kind of person she is.

To back you up here as you do

To back you up here as you do me:

My "fears" now that we are having the baby:

A: There is a woman around the block that holds a piece of paper that chains this child's dad to a living radius.
B: There is a very entitled , possibly learning disabled 6 year old half sibling in the mix that has control of my weekends with our baby.
C: DH pays C/S. (BM will not work still.)
D: This baby will have to live in a small town where his or her dad has been put down by another, all over town. (why I must move a county or two away.)
E: DH has said to me that he did not want to live more than 50 miles away from "his" child. What about this one and the mom's future???
F: Major debts on behalf of their material-marriage.
E: SD6 is selfish and is not willing to part with junk to make room for a baby and DH feels "guilty" about enforcing. (tough, it is only 6 nights a month!)
F: I feel scared of BM because of her past history of screaming at me in public. (a form of Agoraphobia)
G: IL's who only love SD6. Nice of them, eh?
H: My "future" is in another county, 70 miles away. (a shop)
H: Same possible schools.
I: Parks
H: TBC on a needed basis...

There need be zero pro-life

There need be zero pro-life agenda posted here. We as women have fought forever to have our given freedoms.

I just want to say... I have

I just want to say...

I have 3 children by 3 different men. Does this make me a bad person? Does this make me a ho? Should I have aborted my children or given them up for adoption because their father's were POS's that couldn't live up to the vows they made?

My first ex: we married young (I was 19, he was 20). He decided after 3 years (ds was 2) that "he didn't want this life"... he didn't want to be a husband and father. He bailed. I asked him if we could work things out, fix the problems to keep our family together. He said no.

My second ex: left me pregnant for his ex wife just 3 months after we got married. He came crawling back a few months later. In an attempt to maintain my family, I took his cheating, sorry ass back. DD was born 2 months later, and 14 months after that he left me for yet another woman and he only saw my dd one time after that. Has not seen her since and she is now 13.

My current dh: we've seperated twice because of step issues. So I have considered divorce more than once, but I'm still here trying to make it work.

I would have given ANYTHING (and did) to make my first AND second marriages work... even to the point of not respecting myself JUST to be able to say that I TRIED because marriage was so important to me. I do not believe that I should KILL my unborn child because an asshole can't live up to his responsibility. I do not believe that I should be made to give UP my child because my husband doesn't want to be faithful to 1 person.

Unfortunately 1 person in a relationship can WANT a nuclear family, but if the other person does not there is NOTHING you can do about it. It basically boils down to how much commitment each person has for the marriage. What would YOU put up with to stay married to your FIRST spouse? We are ALL divorced on this site and we all have our stories, our reasons, etc.

I just HATE when I hear, "She had 'insert number' kids by 'insert number' men" because so did I... it wasn't the situation I WANTED for my life, but that's what I was given. My KIDS are blessings that I would NEVER EVER trade! So please don't judge. I wish I would have had 3 kids by 1 man. I wish life was different for my kids... but it's not. And it doesn't make me a ho or any other negative term.

Please excuse my "agenda"

Please excuse my "agenda" comment listed above... it was worded this way only because that is the way I view it personally and was not intended to offend, upset, or anger anyone...

Exactly Katrinkie, that's my

Exactly Katrinkie, that's my point. It is a much different situation when there are two people that are married that want to have kids together and the marriage doesn't work out for whatever reason than a situation when there are two people in a mere relationship that aren't married and there is a kid that is produced even though one party had selfish reasons for it, it was unplanned, and unwantted by the other party.

According to DH, he did it

According to DH, he did it broke. I have had several condoms break on me before which is why I have never understood relying on just condoms to prevent pregnancy but oh well...You're right it is what it is....Until they invent a time machine I guess i'm just stuck dealing with the aftermath.

I do not recall stating that

I do not recall stating that you were a "ho" so I don't know where you pulled that from. Obviously, you were upset by my post, and my appologies, was not my intention. YOU are not what I am referring to in my post. I am talking about people that AREN'T married and have kids just by any old person. No plan to be together for the rest of their lives, just reproducing at will with people they have no intention on being with. I am sorry that you have dealt with aholes in the past, but you were married to these people and planned to have kids with these people. I.E. when you decided to try to get pregnant the man you were with also wanted this. How were you to know that you were to get a divorce? No one gets married thinking they will divorce that person....

Brief history here to

Brief history here to whomever may not know me.

Age 16: Abortion by choice
Age 18: Gave birth to BD19 by choice
Ages 18 till now: Birth control by choice

Present: Became pregnant while on birth control and debated Abortion with current husband. After several arguments then calming down and thinking it through as mature adults, we decided that no matter what, we could not look each other in the eyes after doing such a thing. (by joint choice)

Every single pregnancy and situation is different. I am thankful to have a free choice though in the matter. So, call me "whatever." I've heard it all before.

If so-called "pro-lifers" are so concerned about abortions, they should insure that the baby has what it needs. Hypocrisy ticks me off.

Maux...please don't drag me

Maux...please don't drag me into another bitch fest if I haven't even commented on this topic yet please? Thanks! In fact I wrote a quite supportive post to butterfly on her other thread. Thanks!

Thank you naturalmom, that is

Thank you naturalmom, that is precisely what I was trying to get across. If any of you have read my posts or blogs in the past, I am not someone who comes on here to start arguments or controversy. I am always honest about my problems and concerns, and I guess it just comes across the wrong way sometimes. But yes, I am talking about a much different calibur of woman, not like wicked and your cousin. People who don't have family values and see rearing children as a payment opportunity other than something special and sacred.

Wow. Anyways, I should have

Wow.

Anyways, I should have added that I have never recieved one red cent for child support for my only child, ever.

( just looked in the mirror and smiled)

BTW- I never mentioned ANY names here?

Me too. 18 years worth and

Me too.

18 years worth and counting. ( BF is deceased though)

I understood this post. i.e;

I understood this post.

i.e; " Breeding for $$$$$$$ "

Yep! Idk I guess the main

Yep! Idk I guess the main problem of my post was me being scared of what it's going to be like for mine and DH's kids in the future with family values seeming to be going down the shitter and with the difficulty of skids situations in general. I don't want our kids to suffer for some people who should not be having kids and then do have them and don't want to raise them properly.

But, I mean it's not only any kids that DH will have I guess just fear for the future in general. A lot of the skids I have read about on this site, including in my situation, show no desire to have any responsiblities or work for anything in their life. If people think the economy is bad now, what the hell will it be like it 10 years when these kids have to go out into the work force?

Agree completely. I commented

Agree completely. I commented earlier on another post of mine about 1929 and the fact that we have a nation of entitled youth on our hands. Could you imagine having to work the fields opposed to playing XBox? Yikes.

I actually did read that post

I actually did read that post and thought it was an accurate depiction. Dealing with a step-family is so hard...there are so many variables and so many heated topics it's just so very awkward. There are times where I wish to myself that DH and I lived in different times so I wouldn't stress over all this stuff you know?

Well, I tell you one thing,

Well, I tell you one thing, there is going to be a severe shortage of construction workers when these kids grow up lol.

Maux has actually been one of

Maux has actually been one of my best new friends/ comments since I joined this forum. I value her maturity and insight on a personal level.

Me three! Team Maux!

I love the Mauxester as well

I love the Mauxester as well - she is one wise woman!!!!! I know big surprise me Caregiver1127 likes someone who has the sense God gave her!!!

Maux, do you really not know

Maux, do you really not know the term "spouting off"? Maybe that's not a normal term where you're from but I've known that term all my life. My mom, on a fairly regular basis, yelled at us to quit spouting off. LOL

Mybe it's a term that is

Mybe it's a term that is recognized only is certain areas? I know that as a Southerner, there are quite a few "sayings" I have that many of my friends up North have never heard of. It's highly likely.

I'm a southerner and yes, I

I'm a southerner and yes, I know we have lots of "sayings" here! LOL

Have you ever heard this one?

Have you ever heard this one? "I'll be on you like a duck on a June bug!!"
I swear, my mom's family has said that since I was little. My DH and the kids thought I was insane the first time I said it.

Hahahah! Yes, I sure know

Hahahah! Yes, I sure know that one! I can't believe "all ya'll" here don't know these! LMAO!!

I know right? Really, it's a

I know right? Really, it's a matter of RESPECT for other cultures. The south/north/west/east...all have different expressions, sayings, quotations, accents, words to describe things. If you are mature and adult and respectful then you don't make fun of people for using an expression you don't. If you're not then you "spout off" lol

Soda/pop anyone?

OMG that is so true.

OMG that is so true. EVERYTHING down here is Coke. LOL

People think it's funny that

People think it's funny that me and others in my area call soda "pop"

That's what I grew up calling

That's what I grew up calling it too. Doesn't matter if it's coke, pepsi, mt dew or whatever, it's pop!

I must go devour my grilled

I must go devour my grilled cheese sandwich with pepperjack cheeses and mayo with chili powder...

I'll "bite" once back at the

I'll "bite" once back at the vampire who cusses yet has a religous fanatic undertone in her comments..." evil, abortion, kill..."

Love The Mall, are you really over the age of 18?

I agree with you...it is

I agree with you...it is tough as a young kid to understand why your brother or sister isn't there all the time and only comes EOW. It is tough for little kids to understand why their brothers/sisters don't have the same mom or dad as they do. It's even more difficult when said older brothers/sisters are permissively parented by daddy. "Why can they get away with things we can't?" younger siblings ask.

How do you answer these questions, especially for young kids?

I agree with the OP. As much

I agree with the OP. As much as it is important for blended familes to be accepted in society I find it very disappointing that "traditional" families are no longer the "norm". I grew up in a very traditional family without one single divorce within any extended family. Whether that is because they are all happily married, respect commitment, religion, fear, etc... I don't know but I know I loved growing up in this environment and didn't even realize or appreciate it until I found myself in a blended family scenerio.

Tofu...I agree with the

Tofu...I agree with the sentiment of your post, indeed. It is sad to see so many blended families, broken homes, crazy dynamics. Men can be just as bad-spreading seed w/many different women and bailing on their responsibilities entirely. It goes both ways. But it is sad, and it is the world we live in. I know for many reasons I hesitated having kids because of this and other things.

My bf and I talk alot about this-how it's SUPPOSED to be different, how we wish it would have been different and married the right person the first time and stuck and had our intact family-we yearn for that. His parents are intact and so are mine, our grandparents were also.
It's supposed to consist of mom/dad together, good marriage, raise kids together. Life would have been so much easier.

INsted we have past ghosts from our exes', exe's families, the skids, etc so on. It IS more complicated. I've been with a fair share number of men-probably more partners then he's had...I really dont' care what people think of this.

I had two kids with the same man, while married-and several years into the marriage...I had every intention of staying married at first. Until I realized the abuse escalated and would never change and HAD to make a choice to get out FOR my kids and myself.
My ex-mil tried to use the 'don't you think you shoudl stay together for the kids' line..I laughed at her and said exactly the opposite MIL-I'm leaving FOR them-so they don't think this is normal and have a chance at a better life and marriage role model-something maybe YOu should have done years ago when they were little.

One of my hesitations of having another child-I won't lie-IS the connection of 3 kids-2 dads..it doesn't sit well with me. BUT if I were in a marriage for life and was sure I would have considered it if younger.

My neighbor..she has made numerous mistakes with men and in her life, I love her dearly and she is the funniest, sweetest, kindest person who is strict w/her kids and loves them...but she's made mistakes. She's ended up with 3 kids from 3 dads-agse 14-10 and now is preggos. All with guys not worthy of her even looking at them

It IS a messed up world in many ways for sure

I know. There are so many

I know. There are so many times I wish I could turn back time to the place where DH and BM met and stop it.....I don't know, I guess that I'm choosing to be in a blended family situation by being with DH, but do I want to put a kid through that? I don't know, the more I think about it the more I'm just not sure if I want to bring a kid into the BM, MIL, crazy drama b.s. that comes with DH's past.

Please go away.

Personally, to me finding

Personally, to me finding happiness is not spreadinig your legs and getting pregnant on purpose to get a monthly paycheck...just my opinion. You are right, everyone is responsible for their own life choices and decisions. Point being, it's too bad that so many people are making shitty ones.

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