Where do these feelings come from?
So my last post was about the positive outcome of DS's parent/ teacher conference this week. That all by itself made me happy and proud of him, and glad that things are going well. But....I have some odd feelings that I can't quite let go of. Maybe getting them out here will vanish them. because I do know they are mostly irrational, based on my own insecurities and more a result of the built up resentment that is our blended family. You know, the kinds of things we SMs are supposted to sweep under the rug, smile, nod and move on.
DH went with me as he usually does to the school conference. I am good with that, exH is good with it, DS is good with it, and the teachers are happy to have all parents working together. Nothing that was said about DS came as a surprise. I am very realistic about my kids. I can see who they are. I know their weaknesses and strengths. I do not have blinders on about who they are.
DH and I are having a normal disucssion about DS behavior and grades and future goals. Nothing that I disagree with. He and I are completely on the same page. So why do I feel so irritated having him disect my kids life/behavior/accomplishments/academics???? Maybe because he doesn't give his own child the same? He almost never talks about goals for SD. He didn't attend her school conference. (BM didn't tell him when it was until the day of and he couldn't change work committments) He NEVER lectures her about how important grades are and how important education is. He doesn't take an active interest in her homework, classwork, or even really her sports. Now to be fair SD is a straight A student, it comes very easy to her. She is self motivated to always be the smartest one in class. So in all reality she doesn't need the extra push to keep on track but still it feels very wrong when I hear it directed at my kids and never to her.
I have been telling myself to let it go. That he is being a great parent to my kid, even when DS already has two active parents, but every kid can benefit from another good parent. But these feelings keep popping up. Am I just a crazy BM? Got any suggestions/insight to help ease these irrational thoughts?
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I would not have him at the
I would not have him at the conferences. I always go alone. We can talk afterward, but bottom line is, it's my kid and I'll deal with that part. You know, kids aren't the same even when they're from the same family. I have one who brings home a B and we ask what happened! My other one comes home with no Fs and we are hanging the thing on the fridge! They're just very different, that's all. Both gifted and smart and wonderful in their own ways.
I expect my feelings would be
I expect my feelings would be the same whether he was there or whether he wasn't and we talked later. He is truely a parental figure in my kids lives and I give him the authority to be such. And we really agree on MY KIDS.
And you are right about different kids. My DD is a very different student.
I guess it just seems unfair for him to step up and be able to parent my kids when he can't/doesn't his own. I'm often left feeling like his is perfect and doesn't need any parenting. Which is obviously not true, again irrational feelings on my part.