I think all of the issues you are talking about Milomom are parenting issues. I think they really should fall on your DH to handle. I know as a BM I would not be open to my children's stepmom telling me how she peceives my life or the path I have chosen to raise my children. In that department, unless it is regarding whatever is going on in THEIR house or with THEIR house rules,she would be a non-entity. I would not interfere in their ideas or rules in THEIR home.

Now Skidsmimi has different issues. Her crazy BM has done things that involved her directly or physically battered her. In this case, you better believe I would confront her. I would have punched her in the fact too }:)

I'd have to ask her ON FACEBOOk, in front of all of her friends, why the kid lives with me if she was such a great parent.

I've known bm about 10 years-in the beginning I wanted to confront her all the time, but I didnt. Until one day while we were at teh courthouse waiting for a hearing about her paying cs and visitation issues-she attempted to confront me. Tried to quote our state guidelines and said that it said that i must answer all her phones calls anytime she called. (I had gotten to the point that I would ignore her calls as she was supposed to go thru dh). I told her very maturely I might add that I did not need to EVER answer MY phone to her. That i had NOTHING to say to her and there was NO reason for us to ever speak to one another. Unfortunately dh stole my thunder and drug me away. Dammit! I was just getting started. That being said i no longer have any interest in confronting or communicating with her in any manner. About a year ago she did have an epiphany and realized that i hadnt emotionally and mentally abused her darling son, but rather that her son was a big liar and a PITA. She asked dh to speak to me and apologize and I said no I wasnt interested. to me there is no point in confronting her-she is who she is-i think she is a pretty crappy mother, but hey, it's her kid if she wants to screw him up I guess that's her perogative.

I've never lost it on BM, and I've always wondered what it would be like to do so.

However, I had some friends who were stepkids growing up (and they are still my friends to this day). My best friend's BM and SM had an altercation when we were 11 years old. Unfortunately, it happened in front of my BFF. Her BM had been withholding visitation from her Dad and telling her things like "Daddy doesn't want to see you anymore," "Daddy has a new family now with SM," etc. She also said a lot of unsavory things about the SM: "SM is the reason your dad doesn't give me money" (when in fact he ALWAYS paid her $500 in CS monthly) "SM stole Daddy from us" (when in fact Dad met SM two years after the divorce), etc. One time, during a visitation exchange, when my BFF's BM was being "generous" and allowing her DD to see her Dad, SM got out of the car and lost it on the BM. She didn't use any cuss words, but she let her have it good. My friend told me about it in tears one day when she was at my place. I comforted her as best as I could. But one day, years later she was talking with her Dad and SM about the past and asked him why he didn't see her that often. She was 15 at this point. Dad and SM gave her all the records, court documents, and recorded phone calls that he placed to her that ultimately were never answered. They kept rigorous records. My friend has been in therapy for many years, and she has limited her contact with her BM. Her SM was a really nice woman, and my friend was always civil to her (because her dad didn't allow her to behave disrespectfully towards her). But once she was free of living with BM, they became really close. SM told my BFF that the moment she lost it in front of her wasn't one she was proud of, and also told my friend that she was sorry she lost it in front of her. My friend knows her SM made a mistake that day in losing it in front of her, but ultimately, the BM deserved every word of it. The SM was more of a mom/grandma to my friend and her kids. Unfortunately, she passed away of breast cancer earlier this year My friend thanks God every day for getting the chance to get to know and love her SM. She has a great relationship with her Dad too

No i am like you, the only contact i have had with BM is when she called the house and yelled down the phone "stupid fucking slut" and i cracked up laughing.. she of course hung up after that. I think its hilarious.

She abuses me via her kids. I have always taken the high road and said to the kids "thats a shame because your mum doesnt even know me"

DH was the idiot that bred with her not me. I have no interest in speaking with her because honestly it would be a very ridiculous conversation, i would try to talk and she would just say "slut bitch mole" you know those kind of women????? pointless but funny

Yes, I confronted the SpermIdiot and SpermGrandMa frequently. Both by directly calling them on their toothless moron bullshit and in court. By calling I don't mean that I actually call them. When they call my wife or kid (my SS) and get stupid I let them know that they either stop immediately or that I will bankrupt them by keeping them in court until they are living in a box under an overpass. I do not abide their shit at all and they know it.

They have learned to do what they are told when they are told to do it.

When they adapted to my dictates and attempted to work around me, I changed my tactics.

They would periodically whine to the Skid that he should miss school to visit them and tell him that they were more important than school. We set that shit straight in a hurry. The judgement was crystal clear. The kid would not miss school for visitation. They would spend all night on the computer texting and playing WOW with my SS so he was so tired he would not get up for school or would sleep through class. So .... we took away his computer except as a tool for school. They would distract him with texting .... so we took his phone away and replaced it with a call only basic phone.

When they would badmouth his mom and I while SS was on a visitation .... he did not visit during the next scheduled visitation. I have never denied visitation but I have made sure it was too expensive and too much of a pain the in ass for them to move forward with. But, it was their choice not to take the kid for visitation. When they were being shitty, we would not split a round trip air fare with them. One way was usually more expensive and they could not afford it so they would forgo visitation. If they were being shitty we would put limits on when we were available to take the kid to the airport to send him to sperm land. That usually would either drive their costs up or cause them to have to book flights several days after the beginning of their visitation which would shorten their time to the point where they would choose not to spend the money. We would tell them to book a SuperShuttle to pick up the kid and take him to the airport. "No! That costs too much". When they really pissed me off I would park a PI out side of their house and work which would scare the shit out of them because they knew the video footage would piss the judge off and embarrass the shit out of them in court.

When they tried to use my tactics ... I paid for the super shuttle to get the kid to the airport and paid the one way air fare costs.

When they behaved like reasonable adults then they heard nothing from me and they could do as they wished. But when they got stupid they learned in a hurry to get in line or suffer appropriately.

Now the kid is 18 and if they want him they can pay the round trip to see him. If he wants to go live with them, he can go. He won't. He knows where he has the best shot at a viable future.

Best regards,

I'm not sure if it was confronting her Or I told you so! She kept calling and complaing about the kids, and I had given her advice and of corse she did not follow it and then called me up 3 days later crying because of what the boys were doing! I told her if you had followed my advice 3 days ago you wouldn't be in this situation, so don't call me crying and looking for advice if you don't plan on following it!!!!

Arguing with my husband's ex-wife is like wrestling with a pig. We both end up dirty, but the pig likes it.

No thanks. Like my daddy always says..."you just can't coach stupid".

I can't tell you how many times I have dreamed of giving BM a taste of her own medicine...Especially the fact that she has pulled so much sh*t and sorry honey, you two weren't even married - you were a couple month long booty call that went wrong...She has always come off completely dramatic, over reacting to every tiny thing that her pea sized brain can manage to pick apart. There have been sooooooooo many occasions where I have just wanted to unleash on this idiot, but for fear of retaliation of DH being drug through court, or her dumb as$ attempting to call harassment or something stupid on me, I bite my tongue. It used to really bother me to not be able to say anything to her but now I figure a.) that piece of garbage is not worth wasting my breath on b.) she got purposely knocked up by someone she barely even knew, now she's alone and looks like a trashy sl%t, so she's already done my job for me, I don't need to try to make her look bad, she does that alllll by herself.

One of the other reasons I don't go off on bm (other than the obvious of you can't fight with an unarmed opponent)-is that she is always flying off the handle. She gets pissy about the stupidest things and starts running her mouth-does it in front of her son, in front of my kids, etc. She has in the past come to my door and tried to start shit with me right in front of all the kids. People I know and that my kids know just dont act like that. I do not think it is appropriate to stoop to that level in front of small children. I had to eventually ban her from my property.

Oh yes, I have confronted my stepson's evil BM many times. My favorite being the time she called me crying, ranting, and raving because her son told her he wanted to live with me. He also told her that I am very nice and she is mean for talking bad about me all of the time. This made her furious!!! I loved every single minute of it.

My confrontation with BM was so early in our relationship that I wasn't really aware of the ramifications. I was under the impression that I was dealing with a sane person.

BM knew that (my future) DH had met someone else since he told her and she had manipulated him into giving her MY phone number since he was at my apartment a lot and she had to know how to get a hold of him if "something happened to the kids." Never mind that he didn't have a phone at HIS place, but whatever.

She started calling up my phone repeatedly (I had caller ID) and screaming at my DH. I thought their conversations should be private so I would go in the other room but I could STILL hear her screaming!

Finally, I got sick of this crap since it was MY phone and MY apartment, I told DH that the next time she called, I was going to have a talk with her. Didn't take too long and she called again and started screaming at DH again. So he didn't say anything and just handed me the phone.

ME - Hello?
BM - (sputtering) Put XXXX back on the phone!
ME - Why?
BM - I need to talk to him!
ME - You weren't TALKING to him, you were YELLING at him.
BM - Put him on the PHONE!
ME - Not until you can actual TALK and not YELL.
BM - (starts screaming obscenities, etc at me and hangs up)

Now, the outcome of this was that she no longer called my apartment. I thought I had won. BUT then she started the whole manipulation of visitation, etc. etc. etc., causing us to ultimately have to go to court to get a visitation schedule set up.

After that, she kept taking DH back to court, especially after we got married. BUT, in the long run, we STILL won because our lawyer was better than hers.

There was only ONCE that we didn't get what DH asked for in court and that was because we didn't have the money for a lawyer that time. We had just bought a house and BM knew it so took that opportunity to get back at DH again with court. She tried to also make him pay HER lawyer but the judge said if he can't afford a lawyer for himself, he can't afford one for YOU to get what YOU wanted in this court hearing.